Sending hugs xx
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Sending a big.
Love Rose xxx
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Ron and Roni, 2 months for me today. Anniversaries we never wished to face. Iām worse now then I was a few weeks ago, maybe because I was busy with admin or maybe I was just expecting her to come home soon from one of her frequent hospital stays. Got a few things coming up in my diary but honesty I get up dreading the day and waiting for nightfall again. The cost of loving so deeply I guess. Stay strong, we can get through this. R
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So sorry for your loss, its like groundhound day evsry day x
Everything you have written, I feel it to. No, your not expecting to much, we have lost OUR HUMAN. The person we chose a life with, the person we built a life with, and now they are gone.
Iām having a really bad day today, 
today I am not coping. The finality of death is a killer. The thought of never seeing him again breaks me. My anxiety is off the scale.
My own mum has not been near my home for 6 weeks. Our friends have not crossed the door since the funeral. My friends think Iām ready for drinks and meals and are asking if I am back at work. I feel like most people think I should be over it. I have a coroners inquest in my future. Iām waiting on a report from the environmental health and health and safety. The reports could change the everything I have put together in my head from bits of information Iāve received.
I donāt what people are expecting from me, but I cannot see me returning to work anytime soon. I work in adult social services in palliative care, the thought of it
Sorry, Iām having a really bad day and I hate the world x
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Dont be sorry vent away , i feel the exact same, still waiting on police rerurning his phone a s paperwork he left out ,funeral is tomorrow which im dreading, bills will be due but everythingās was in marks name ,its just relentless, just had gp on phone so getting call friday then mental health start of September as i know i need help plus didnt help me ending up in hospital by stupidly taking my usual meds with a diazapam and alcohol and putting the fear up my sons who were with me x
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Itās so hard for us still living huge hugs for you for tomorrow. We are here for you.
Thankfully I was completely shut off and numb on that horrible day and I didnāt cry, I breezed through the day. Or so I thought. 5 weeks later it all come flooding back in bits and I couldnāt function, it was hard to breath, hard to stop losing my sh#Ļ, I couldnāt stop the tears. The reports should have been back by April, I had a meeting in court with the chief coroner in April to open and suspend and itās been delayed month to month since.
Our house feels massive, our bed feels massive, I thought we had at least another 30 years. Iām 48 and I feel in my 90ās. People ask are you okay??? Oh yeah, Iām great!! How would they feel if there person was no longer here!! They donāt really want to know how your feeling. They donāt want to talk about My Dave, they donāt want me trauma dumping all over them, they just want people to think theyāre doing there bit. Sorry if I sound like a selfish cow today. It just hurts so bad.
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You donāt sound selfish.
Totally understand when you write about people not really wanting to know about how we feel and not talking about our loved one.
Also understand wanting to look ā¦ to others ā¦ as if theyāre doing their bit.
Sending a big hug.
Rose xx
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You dont sound selfish your grieving badly and people who havent been in our shoes should hope they never are . Its not a life its an existence and one we all hate. We have to deal with death, funerals, paper work, solicitors the fear of the unknown its relentless. Vent away as much as you want xx
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Sending love right back and thank you.
Love Jen x
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It is literally a nightmare for us isnāt it! Those who have not got a clue I am envious of, but also sad that they donāt even try to understand. None of us are built for loss, unfortunately, but the lack of empathy and compassion is beyond me. I work in care, so I care deeply, maybe thatās a flaw and I just think everyone is supposed to be the same.
Lots of love to you. My heart hurts for you for tomorrow. Can I ask if you will check in as soon as you can or feel able and let us know how your doing and still battling the days ahead.
Love and hugs, Jen xx
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Oh @JD8369
You and me both seem to be in the same place today. Really crappy day.
I have exactly the same - people asking when Iām going back to work - I work as a team lead in CAMHS so itās pretty stressful so am not heading back any time soon. If at all. I couldnāt bear it if one of my young people hurt themselves because I was distracted at work.
It would be hard for you in your work too - take all the time off you need.
My daughter heads back to school tomorrow so itās back to a new (old) routine but one where her dad isnāt around to help or support. Iāll have more time on my hands and so I was trying to make myself a plan of what I could do rather than just sit and mope. Then I had a huge panic about what my life is like now and will be in the future without him and it just feels unbearable. And I donāt want this at all. My life has revolved round my kids for the last 24 + years and this was meant to be our time to enjoy and be just a couple again and do things for us.
Now itās just for me and I donāt want to do anything. And no one wants to be around a grieving person for very long so it makes life very lonely.
Sorry. Rant over. Need to pick myself up and go make dinner.
Love and strength to all of us struggling with this new life.
Keep posting - strength in numbers I think. 
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Sending a very big hug.
Love,
Rose xx
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I definitely will so glad iv got my 2 boys staying with me tonight xx
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Your life sounds like mine. It was also our time now our youngest is almost 20. It was time to live as a couple and be spontaneous. We had only just started 8 months prior. Both had become managers with better pay so we could afford it. Now Iām drowning waiting for bills and whatās next!!! And now what is life going to be like for us. Iām so stressed out and emotionally drained. I canāt keep food down, Iām like a cat on hot bricks. Iāve hardly slept in months and the days are long, the nights even longer.
Life is so cruel huge hugs for you and your family. I hope all goes well at school. My daughter has not left my side throughout this whole process, I honestly donāt think I would still be here only for her. Be kind to yourself, we never asked for any of this.
Love and hugs, Jen xx
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Lots of love and strength xxx
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Thank you means a lot xx
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You are sooo right. Lost my husband a month ago. I did not know that grief is actual pain. I just donāt want to be here. We were two halves of one - what is the point?
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I feel the exact same, whats the point, wvery day is like ground hog day, you finally fall asleep wake up to reality some how get through the day eventually fall asleep then repeat wveey god damn day,for what,if it wasnt for my kids id rather be gone with my partner as i am so tired of it all, sending huge hugs my friend xx
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Thanks Jen.
It is so hard for us and we have lost so many things apart from our husbands. Our future plans, for our kids, our stability, having that one person who really got you. The list is endless.
Like you my daughter is always here but Iāve been trying to get her going out with friends more and she is now starting to make plans, and has got herself a weekend job so will start that soon.
I had a bit of a meltdown yesterday as I realised she will be out the house a lot more and I will have a lot more just me time. I wonāt be able to distract myself with her grief and caring for her.
I am doing things but find little joy and I have zero motivation, but when I tried to make a plan yesterday for going forward the bleak reality was just too much to bear. And it scared me a lot.
So Iām back to one day at a time.
I think I need to accept that it is ok just to grieve and that itās going to take a lot longer than I thought. Iām scared of being lonely with no friends and family support but my family is not supportive and I canāt change that. It does hurt though.
I have a few good friends who are really supportive and do try so hard , but they cannot really understand - and I wouldnāt want them to.
I think I need to try find strength in my kids and myself.
Not sure how to do that but I hope in time I will learn.
Hope your day today is as good as it can be.
Sending some love hugs and strength xx
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