I am having a terrible day today again. The last days (even the weekend) were not too bad (just a few tears) but today I cannot stop crying and I cannot stop shaking. I cannot think clearly and just want to be with my beloved husband. Hopefully, I will get better soon because I am getting heavy stuff (water bottles, tins etc) delivered and I do not want to cry in front of people I do not know and I need all energy to put the things away. What horrible existence we are all suffering. Sending love and hugs.
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I am so sorry you are having such a bad time. You did seem to be doing better for a time. Should the pills have kicked in yet? I am sure you will manage with your delivery if not they’ll just have to stuff it. If the tins and bottles don’t get put away immediately it won’t be the end of the world. Look after yourself. Please. Xx. Sandra
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@Annaessex
I’m so very sorry you are going through a bad time. I, too, and others here are also suffering more again.
I think living alone has a lot to do with it, we haven’t been used to it and we are desperately missing our partners. Life just isn’t the same. We are different people who have lost confidence in ourselves.
Just take each day at a time, look after yourself.
Sending hugs x
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My surgery did not send the tablet request to the pharmacy. So I could not take them. I hope it will be sorted out by tomorrow. I am going (again!!) to the surgery and ask for the prescription to send over. I already was there twice in the last two weeks and they still cannot get their act together. My surgery is one of the worst in the County in relation to customer (patient) satisfaction. I am not the only one and complaining does not help - only promises that it will get better. Thank you for your concern, Sandra. I really like your posts. At least I am on the waiting list for Mind Thurrock. I calmed down now and I am waiting for the delivery to come. Sending love and hugs.
I am so glad you have calmed down. I believe our bodies can only take so much distress and then they calm us down or at least that is what mine seems to do. You surgery sound like a nightmare. People complain about mine but I have never had a problem. I hope you stay calm. Love and hugs.
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Thank you for your kind reply. It is true that my confidence is gone. On top of it, I still have to sort out company pensions, etc. so I am not really financially sound, and that put more pressure on me. Thank God, that the house is mortgage free, but there is almost no money coming in and I have of course monthly expenses like everyone else. I was actually quite good to sort out problems etc but my brain seems to stop to function properly since my husband passed away. Before I could talk to my husband about things like this, but now I am on my own. I hope it will get better soon. Sending love and hugs.
I too have his pension to sort out after probate. I am lucky. I have a financial advisor who is doing it all for me (or will after probate). I am also sort of mortgage free. Equity release. State pension doesn’t go that far though. Living frugally at present. Not that I can go anywhere to spend much. Just stay off online shopping.
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I only do online shopping for heavy stuff, tins, water, milk or frozen veg, and fruit, bread I freeze in handy portions for me. Mostly I live on sandwiches and soups, occasionally, I treat myself to a Chinese takeaway, but cannot finish it in one go, so more to freeze in portions for me.
As you know I am pretty housebound so online for almost everything. Neighbours and friends tend to get me bread when I need it. One good thing living out here. If you can’t get to the takeaway very few deliver. Here it is domino’s only. I would love a chinese but no chance. The best one round here doesn’t take credit cards even if I could get to it. Live mostly off ready meals but started with air fryer so that may change.
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@Annaessex Hiya, you know I only dip in and out nowadays as I’m trying to get myself together and move on, but I had an awful day on Sunday. I have been doing well, more good than bad days, but it all just hit me like a ton of bricks again. It felt like it had just happened all over again. Sending virtual hugs. The only good thing is to know we are not alone and there are people out here who do really understand xx
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I just got the Iceland delivery and as I put the tins away, I found a Christmas Pudding my Philmore wanted to eat and forgot about it. I do not eat this and had to throw it away and I was crying - how stupid is that? I was getting a bit better and now I am back to square one. But I also got a surprise parcel from my German friend for my birthday which is a lovely gesture. I will not open it til Saturday the 26th. I am missing my husband’s flowers and card. But there is nothing I can do about it. Sending love and hugs.
Glad you received your delivery from Iceland and have put tins away, downside you found the Christmas pudding. You did the right thing throwing it away, Your are not stupid for crying, it’s normal with what we are going through.
Honestly, there’s always something occurring to send us back into sadness. I found a tin of soup lurking at the back of the cupboard my husband liked.
I’m pleased you had a nice surprise birthday gift from your friend. You will enjoy opening that on your birthday.
Sending hugs x
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There was a cupboard I couldn’t get to the back of. My brother got the stuff out. I have just bought some vinegar as I thought I had run out. In the back of the cupboard we’re 3 bottles. Also 2 cartons of long life skimmed milk. Again I have just bought some more. My husband and his bloody bulk buying. At least my sister in law has taken the 10 tubes of garlic purée to distribute.
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I still buy certain items in bulk to be delivered. Longlife milk, water, and soups. The bread goes in the freezer. My husband bought 5 liters of oil, he wanted to do fried chicken but he died before he could cook it. I have to ask someone to take it off me - I hardly use oil. Our husbands still looking after us. Sending love and hugs.
@Pudding
Thank you, Sandra, you’ve made me smile tonight talking about your husband’s bulk buying, especially the 10 tubes of
garlic purée, glad your sister-in-law has relieved you of them.
That wretched Times email has really set me back, stupid I know, but it so reminded me of Richard and his Times crosswords. I had to open another box of tissues. Xx
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I still have lots of his unread computer magazines in our house and I cannot touch them. Small things just trigger happy memories and tears as well. What rubbish existence we going through. Sending love and hugs.
What about the 5 jars of cinnamon. 100 coffee filter papers. 3 boxes of gloves ( he needed them as he had sensitive skin on his hands). 5 large head and shoulders. I am still counting the things in our storage area.
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Sandra, sorry that really is funny! You need a car boot sale xx
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I have enough shower gel for 2 years. I don’t mind what I will use and won’t go off. I think I am going to have to rejoin Facebook to get rid of some of it as I hate waste. He just wouldn’t throw anything away. He wouldn’t just by one of something to try. He would always buy 3 or 4. Then if he didn’t like it they were left in the storage. It drives me nuts. I will probably eventually get round to clearing it. When we sent his clothes to the charity shops there were 6 unopened formal white shirts. He was retired and only wore them for his Masonic meetings. Hope you sleep well and glad I have given you some amusement. Xx. Sandra
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@Annaessex
You hit the nail on the head ‘rubbish existence we are living through’. At every corner there seems to be something to knock us back. My email from the Times today has flawed me.
I hope you a good night. Sending hugs x
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