Good week at my son’s slept better than I have for a long while but the anxiety is back today not looking forward to going home tomorrow and back to an empty house. I wish I could shake these anxious thoughts off in the morning they do ease off as the day goes on. I miss waking up with Chris and having that 1st cuppa of the day and the chat about nothing in particular.
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I find it the worse part waking without Graham, morning cuppa and chat. I have been strong today and taken Graham’s clothing to charity shop, had a few tears when I got home but pleased I’ve jumped another hurdle.
Hope journey home is good Shirley x
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I miss that too Shirley. That start to the day on your own is bad. I find it worse when I have nothing planned and nowhere to go. The day ahead seems so long and lonely. Trying to keep busy does help but at the end of the day still have to come home to be alone.
Pleased you’ve had a good week and hope your journey home goes well xx
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Hi
That is a huge hurdle taking Graham’s clothes to the charity shop. It’s so hard to do isn’t it.
Well done and you should feel proud of yourself. Only the people who are going through this will understand how big a hurdle it is.
Xx
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Thank you both for being there . Not an easy thing to do Griff letting go bit by bit isn’t as easy as people might think it is.
I’m waiting for Chris’s daughter to come up to go through his personal belongings so that she can help me decide what needs doing with them and what she’d like to keep etc. It’s not an easy time for her as her Mum has just been diagnosed with Cancer and is in hospital with fluid and a clot on her lung. Life is s…t at times.
Will get to see my grandaughter’s sports day tomorrow afternoon before travelling home hope they don’t have a grannies race think I’d do better in the 3 legged on as long as they tied my gammy leg to a good one Lol
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Thanks Barbara and Shirley, it’s so nice knowing there are people who totally get it, I find it comforting. Shirley you made me laugh with the three legged race I just have a vision 
.
Xx
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Well will give you something else to giggle at I’m going to have afternoon tea at 3.30pm with a 90+ year old retired Bishop . Not got my best frock with me and not sure what a retired social.worker can say to a bishop :grinning_face_with_smiling_e
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. I’m a retired teacher but thinking further down the line I would like to volunteer to support young carers . Not ready yet though, Shirley just mind your ps n qs when your with the Bishop. X
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He was charmer and good company. Young carers need a lot of support and are sadly over looked with little recognistion that caring for a parent or sibling has an impact on them. Take time Griff to put yourself back together and then when the time is right go for it and use the insight you have into their situation to benefit them and reward yourself x
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Back home after 3 weeks away took me a long while to get off to sleep anxiety levels really high this morning weepy and tired. Son goes back today and moves to France with his family for a year next month so feeling a bit at a loss right now. Don’t like feeling like this am usually an independant woman but feel like a jibbering wreck.at this moment. Hopefully will feel better as the day goes on and I get back into some sort of routine again. Thanks for listening x
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Morning Shirley, get a good strong tea or coffee and plan your day, bet you have some washing to do and garden to water and maybe some shopping. Then have a break and write or text thankyou messages for a lovely 3 weeks away.
Best of all plan a trip to France, you can because your a strong independent woman, as Beyoncé says in her song throw your hands up at her. It’s my mantra and what I keep doing. X
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Good morning Griff. Feel a bit more at ease now panic mode has eased. Tesco shop is on the to do list as well as some washing. Will sort out some thank yous later . Wrote a long message to Chris I find it helps calm me down get my thoughts down on paper gets them out of my head and it’s as if he’s just in an other room. Yes
I have plans to go to France in late September and a trip over to East Yorkshire about the same time. Will hopefully get time in Cheshire with my youngest son over the school holidays and volunteering in the local musuem will fill my days. It’s just touch at times Helen Reddy’s song “I am Woman big and strong” is my mantra. Have a good weekend xx
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Good morning .
Trying to get back on track after having company for 3 weeks
Spent time volunteering at the weekend and that helped.Made a to do list to try and focus my mind but still finding waking early with anxiety hard to cope with nothing I try seems to work so I end up just sitting with it till it passes. I’m sure that this is nothing new to you all as we’re all in the same boat and trying to find a way through it all x
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I’ve woken up abruptly today she sent the anxiety button racing. I’m annoyed as I had a credit card which I use to pay for holidays for the insurance cover. When I sorted out bank accounts after Graham died my card stopped working, when I enquired why they had mistakenly put on records that I had died.
They gave me compensation and sorted my card out but yesterday I went to pay for a deposit on holiday and once again my card wouldn’t work, it’s the 3rd time since they have ‘corrected their mistake’ that it hasn’t worked. I’m going to try and use it in a shop today and if that doesn’t work I will have to phone them again and it’s so upsetting as it just makes Graham’s death more prominent again.
I just feel sick about the whole thing x
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Bless you . I’m there with you Griff. It’s tiring and stressfull and you feel as if they haven’t heard what has been said the 1st time and having to go through it all with them again ends up just re enforcing your sense of loss. I’m by your side take a deep breath and if they haven’t sorted it by today give them both barrels . Xx
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Hi - just a practical thing about your card. If you start sending them emails as well as phoning, you will have will have proof that they know what’s going wrong. If they phone you and say it’s fixed you could also ask them to confirm it by email, so you ‘are all clear what’s happening’ .
You shouldn’t have to be dealing with this right now. An unnecessary stress. Hope it’s sorted quickly and sending you love and respect xxxx
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@Shirleymc - I’m feeling the same as you describe. I’ve just got back home from a few days away at my sisters and I feel like it’s set me back again. I was mainly ok whilst I was away but I felt the anxiety rising when I was on my way home. Coming into the empty house was awful.
Family were checking on me - “have you had a nice time?” And I’m saying “yes thank you” , I don’t add “but now I’m really struggling and anxious again”. Why do we feel the need to pretend we’re fine? My family and friends are great but I don’t feel able to show them the ups and downs of my grief as I approach 6 months without my husband.
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Thanks Nell that’s a good idea I will email too x
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Hope you managed to get things sorted today and hopefully a relaxing evening
My day has been an up and down one. Chris built a 737 flight simulator in his shed that has to be valued and sold . Bit of a nightmare as it’s a niche market waiting now for a company to come and value it Spent this afternoon videoing it as well as sending photos so that they can make an assessment prior to coming up to see it in situ. I’m sat here as my stomarch has a game of football with itself and am thinking please stop it and give me some peace . Going to put the kettle on and have a biscuit hopefully that will do the trick.
Oh Shirley, you’ve had an unpleasant day. So my credit card is sorted they still had it as fraudulent use on the security system so online payment was not possible.
When I say it’s sorted U have still complained in an email as nell suggested and I won’t be using the card till end of August so watch this space!
I’m going to do some batch cooking to freeze meals ready, Graham use to be my helper in the kitchen, I will have a glass of sherry put the music on and think of happy memories while I cook, dance n drink ( not sure what order 
)
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