I am new posting to this site but have read a lot of the posts members have written. My husband died 19 weeks ago and I am totally devastated. We were together 50 years. I hate this new life. I hate the loneliness. I hate shopping for one. I hate everything about it. My husband was my life and without him I cannot see a future that will ever be rewarding or enjoyable again. I have had some counselling and may try some more further down the line but for now I am just existing. Every day is like groundhog day.
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Hello loobyloo, Graham died 20 weeks ago tomorrow. It is so very hard and none of us like the new life, but I think we are trying to make each day bareable and know that our soulmates would be so proud of us .
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Hi Shirley, hope you enjoyed sports day once again the weekend dawns I ve arranged to meet a friend tomorrow, itās been a tough week this week roll on Monday. X
Bless you itās really tough at times and weāre all adjusting to what will be our new normal. Itās hard taking those first steps but all we can do is put one foot in front of the other and keep going for their sake. Reach out ask for help talk about how you feel.Go back to counselling .talk to your GP to see if meds will help you feel more in control. Plan an outing or a short break distractions and future plans help especially on those dark days. Thereās no magic wand just us on here ,being there sharing and validating your and our own feelings of isolation , lonliness and anxiety. But we all remember one thing we feel like this because we loved and were loved in return and that is so precious that we have to grow and move on to our new normal Take care xxx
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Hello my friend
Sports day was good today was stay and play for the 1st hour and then hot chocolate and story time after school. Itās strange lots of memories of Chris being here keep popping into my head when least expecting them .Weekends are hard so glad youāve got something planned after not an easy week. I travel back on Tuesday have plans to sort out my bedroom the motivation is there but getting on with it is another thing. Hope the weekend stays good for you Take care x
It Sunday and I feel emotional and anxious am at my youngest sonās and the plan is to go to Tatton Hall today. Just had my grandson in bed with me and we have been reading about whales and dolphins it helped keep the tears abay. Sundays are never good days are they, memories of better Sundays pop into mind and the realisation those days are gone but the happy memories live on and will sustain us as the weeks and months slip by x
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Morning Shirley , I seem to have taken a step back this past week Iāve not had more than 4hrs sleep each night itās taken me ages to clear my mind. I think its finally sunk in that this is it life is going on, everyone says Iām doing well but they donāt know how my heart is heavy and how horrible the weekends are.
Iām cooking dinner for family today and getting housework done because tbh itās a tip through neglect as Iāve been sorting the garage out and so many memories are lurking in there.
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Oh my goodness I really fo feel sorry for myself today Graham would be saying come on you can do this. Have a nice day at Tatton Hall Shirley.
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We can do it Griff but we have to allow ourselves time to feel sad too. I canāt face Chrisās shed but itās a job I know needs facing and doing and they would be saying " take a deep breath and get on with it, then when itās done make yourself a cuppa and a biscuit" Hopefully after family day and a good blowout with the hoover youāll sleep better tonight. Yes I think weāre at that acceptance stage that life goes on and that means letting go too xx
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Thatās it Shirley, letting go Iāve burst into tears as soon as I read it. Letting go itās so hard but the thought of having to do it later would but me right back think the heart breaking needs to be done now because then we only have to think of the good memories which we will have forever.
Letting go thatās what we are doing and it bloody hurts.
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It hurts like hell but without the pain we canāt reach that point that we can embrace the good times we had and cherish them all the more. We have to learn to live the best life to honour those men that loved us warts and all and would be mutterring under their breath ā Just get on with it ", Enjoy tdy and give your grandchildren a tigher hug than usual xx
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Hello Shirleymc and Griff you both seem really good friends who support each other and that is to be commended. I have read numerous posts on different threads and can see that people have forged freindships through this online community. I hope by posting on here I can join in and people will rally round me to help me through this very difficult time. I do have family and a small amount of friends but I donāt like letting them see the daily turmoil I go through. That is why I am reaching out on here. Love to all.x
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Loobyloo welcome, I think Shirley and I are glass half full people. I loved Shirleyās positive vibes and now feel we are friends, never met just good support to each other.
As much as we would love to stay under the duvet we get out there despite the morning anxiety and both know itās what our loved ones would want. I think we all have to move forward for our sanity and the support on here really helps.
Hope Shirley doesnāt mind me calling her a glass half full person and I really feel supported by her. I hope we can support you too. X
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Hello Griff thank you for replying to my post. By reading your posts you and Shirley do seem like glass half full people. That is how I would have described myself before my husband died. However, I have lost my enthusiasm for everything. I do try to do things in the garden to keep on top of it and take my dog for a walk, but I just miss my husband so much and still canāt really believe heās not here.x
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I donāt mind at all Griff.When I come off the meds then my 1st port of call will be a large glass of cold Chablis . Hope today has been a better day ,Tatton Park was good and I fell asleep in the chair whilst my Grandson rode his bike. Going home on Tuesday have managed to do an e-ticket this time so another 1st .
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Join in whenever you like itās a rocky enough road as it is so keep posting we can do it together be there for each other on the good as well as the bad days.xx
Brill Shirley download or screen shot your eticket incase you canāt get on Internet whilst on train. Yes waving it together.
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Morning loobyloo. I lost my enthusiasm but I was also Grahamās carer fir past 10 years he had a breakdown and was sectioned then suffered from anxiety and clinical depression so used the tricks I used to help Graham to try and help myself. If you know these things already thatās great remember to use them.
When you get in bed at night write or text note what you did during the day and how you felt.
Then write down jobs for the next day .
I use to text Grahamās mobile but now I just chat out loud to him, allow yourself to have a few tears then think of a memory which makes you smile.
I put myself in Grahamās shoes and ask what you Graham say or do.
The total absence is the hardest but I think I canāt see, hear or smell him but heās with me because he wouldnāt choose to abandon me. My heart is heavy because he fills it now so he is everywhere I am, that makes me smile.
I think Iām going to show Graham I can do this and make him proud fulfilling the plans we made.
I hope some of the little tips help loobyloo and we can get that glass of yours half full again. X
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Morning Shirley, sun shine today always a good thing. Iām taking my mother in law ( the legend that is Granny Griff) out for coffee this morning we spend Mondays together, she always makes me smile. I taught her kummikub yesterday it was a lovely family day.
Have a good day everyone, we can do this.
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So resonates with me Griff I keep note pad in my bedside draw and do a to do list etc .I also txt Chris and tell him about my day and how Iām feeling usually when I am awake in the early hours and anxious it help me get those thoughts out into the open then Iām able to go back to sleep. Last day in Cheshire today so feeling a bit anxious this morning not looking forward to going back to an empty house thinking of asking my cousin to meet me at the station. Have a good day xx
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