hello i’m 62 and lost my 53 year old wife just over two years ago we couldn’t have children and my family all live in usa i thought i would ever be so lonely i really struggle to get through each day after loosing my buisness because of a breakdown after karen’s death don’t know were to start to meet others similar
@kazshoney so sorry for your loss. I can relate to your feelings of loneliness and struggles to get through each day. Everyone here go through what you are experiencing and understand. We are all on the same awful journey at varying stages. I lost my husband of 40 years and the loss is painful. Alongside this there is the sadness and loneliness.
Please post here as much as you to. Someone will reply to offer support. Know that you are not alone.
Take care of yourself. Sending you hugs. x
I so, so understand how you feel. Every day I cry. It feels as if my insides have been ripped out. Everything seems so pointless without him. People tell me i need to move on, but I don’t want to move on. Do you understand that?
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@Wifey1 so sorry for your loss. My heart breaks for you. I understand the crying. I lost my husband 9 weeks today and I have cried every day since then. I totally understand that you don’t want to move on. I have this life now which I didn’t choose. I don’t want a new life. I was happy with my old one. I miss my husband terribly and the pain, sadness, loneliness and yearning is unbearable. I hope that you have some good support. I can only exist one hour at a time and one day at a time. I can’t think of the future
Please take care of yourself. I am always here to listen. Sending you love and hugs and I hope our pain becomes tolerable (don’t know when). xxx
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I have just come back in after having broken down in tears,pain in the chest sobbing and feeling like I’m having a breakdown or something. I was watching or trying to watch tv but I knew it was coming,I could feel it so I dashed out the door and stood on the seafront and cried for my wife,I kept saying I just want to talk to you over and over until I couldn’t speak. I’m 5 months on but it could have been yesterday,the pain is something only we can know.
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@miker So sorry you are having a bad time today. My heart is breaking for you. I know what it feels like. It is horrible when these waves come on.
Sending you love and a big hug x
Hi @miker, I know exactly what you are experiencing. It will be two year come January since my gorgeous wife Christine died. I often find myself wondering around the house wondering what the hell has happened and where is my lovely Christine, repeating “I love you, I love you …”. It is truly horrendous at times.
Best wishes to you.
@miker. Oh… it is very very hard… so sorry … and many times I ask God why? They are our best friends… make sense that you call her name out and want to speak with her… Hug…
I still talk out loud to my beloved husband, and try to listen to what my heart tells me which I simply take it as his response. Some articles I read say that they can actually hear us in spirits, and are still around. We just cannot see them.
Now everyday I pray for all the widowed hearts… that God send us angels to comfort and protect us … and that our loneliness can be lessened… You, myself and others are part of my daily prayer.
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@Paddy53 Hi it is ok not coping very well, this is what I read… from my self-help grief journey, I believe your friends and sister can be a great source of support now. Also if there is any bereavement support group, you may find it worthwhile to join. I have been a couple, and was totally in shock, and spoke very little but it was good to get be around people who are going through similar loss and pain.
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@JerryH. Thank you sooo much. I am getting close to 3 years, still very bad. It is impossible to get over my love … and getting up in the morning is still very difficult …you are so right, get up just to face another punished day of pointlessness. It is just so hard when everything are ripped away from me, something my friends cannot care to see.
I think it is also very hard for our age group, without own children whom we could at least find some grounding. You have some, I hope you can feel connected somewhat.
Your ideas of gym and piano sound good… I think I need to get some distraction too…to try join some activities in the community centre. I thought of taking up tennis lessons, but my energy level is not there yet.
Take care, I pray for all of us , the widowed left behind tribe. : (
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@kazshoney Big hug …very sorry … if we could believe that your wife would be watching over you (from what read and choose to believe that). We are all so lonely here, since for many of us our loved ones are our best friends, soul mates and partners in everything. Now they are not here, we are lost.
What are you doing for getting some human contact ? This is one part I find very hard, because I do not want to randomly meeting people. Showing vulnerability now is not wise for us I believe… I also think you do need some human contact… here thinking about join a coffee club in local community centre, just to get by for now…How about you?
Sorry everyone, I started the thread and then disappeared for several days… most of the times I still feel very low, and not wanting to communicate. But I will return soon and re-connect with everyone. So let’s keep sharing and encouraging each other.
One consistent action that I found is helping me, is prayer… seriously. I found that ultimately my life is not in my hand… only in God’s, which I surmise this is why no one can ever predict when we would physically depart.
Also there is ‘blue Christmas’ service for the people who experience losses here in Canada, not sure if there is such offer in UK, US and other parts of the world. I could not go before, but this year I am going to try … hoping that I would not feel so alone.
Anyone here has joined any bereavement for spousal loss group yet ??? Now covid is under control, there are some in person sessions now - good way to connect with some other widowed people…
Pardon me for writing a long post… Take good care until we connect again
@LolaA - yep, I am in this category. It is hard, no doubt about that. Tom died nearly 2 years ago and most of the time since, I have been alone in the endless administration, clearing, sorting, wading, silence. I am moving house on Tuesday so am in the final stages of packing up. Again, alone. I have some help on the day itself which is great but as for the rest - its all on me. My advice would be, trust your gut, your instinct for what is right for you. Grief and alone-ness is like an ocean - we look out and we can’t see the other side - but we have to cross. So, find the first rock, or lily-pad, you can see and jump to it. From there, you will see the next and so on. Take it a jump at a time and gradually, you will see the path across, opening up to carry you across. Take your time, take a breath, my friend, and then jump x
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@Vancouver, wishing you all the luck in the world on Tuesday, you have had so much to do over the last nearly two years. I hope with Tom in your heart, you will soon get used to your new home and find peace in the future. Sending hugs x
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@Vancouver I am very moved by your courage and speed, you are able to move within 2 years time. I am still in a down mood. but at least my brain capacity is gradually returning. I also wish you a very smooth moving. You are in my prayer for next few days.
And your advice helps me to see what we must do… trust the gut and jump onto it, albeit a lily pad… there is no one there but only us alone… to swim across this aloneness…
I think, part of it is to learn how to hold our own loneliness, sadness, pain within ourselves , and not look to another person to be our shoulder… because it can lead to disappointment, therefore further pain.
Thanks you ssoooo much … I will ask God to send you human angels to help … big hug
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I am wondering if anyone has any tips on getting up in the morning…it is so difficult for me, since the first thing comes to my mind is: Oh no, another dreadful day! and it is soooo depressing for me that I do not want to get up…it is so hard to get going, yet there are many things need to be attended to. Perhaps it is because I do not see the future, and really do not want to be here anymore. Any ideas ? Thank you soooo much …
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Hi @LolaA,
Yup, the mornings can be particularly hard.
My own experience is that however ghastly I am feeling when I awake, remaining in bed does not really help improve my state of mind. I try not to get sucked into thinking about all the now completely trivial and pointless things that need attending to and instead just focus on purely getting out of bed, washing, brushing my teeth and making a cup of tea and some sort of light breakfast. I have no plan beyond that. However just doing these basic things gives rise to a little bit of momentum which may (not always of course) then propel me forwards to undertaking a further task and so on.
Whatever, I have generally found that having grandiose plans of “I must do this or that etc” to be very unhelpful first thing upon waking.
The goal is simply to get out of bed. Nothing more. Then see how you feel.
Best wishes to you.
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@ JerryH thank you for sharing your method, I am going to give it a try … to see if this can also help me to get out of my bed. Ok, just focus on the 1,2,3 steps morning routine, not thinking about the day. Really appreciate this… Best wishes to you too, hope today is a better day for you…Hug
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@JerryH Please pardon me, I usually do not use social media, so not good at it. Just realize, I should have asked how is your day today for I remember your thread ?