I am coming up to the 1 year anniversary of my wife’s death and I am really struggling. I feel super alone and missing her like crazy, she was my best friend and we enjoyed each others company so much that often I chose to neglect my friendships with other people. I do have supportive friends but I just don’t feel like making the effort to go and see them. Yesterday I sat in the garden in her favourite spot and wished she was here with me. It’s bank holiday today and the weather is hot and I am sitting indoors with the curtains closed, what is the point of doing anything? Everything seems so meaningless.
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Hi. Youre right about nothing having any meaning anymore,everything feeling so pointless. Nothing I used to do gives me pleasure anymore. Is it because there is no one to see or share it with? Even my little grandchildren,who I adore,make me sad because my husband is not here with us. He was so proud of our family. Hope you find some peace
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Thanks Samsun. I have no family nearby but will have to try and think up things to do to occupy myself.
Jigsaws have saved me. I sit down with one (I like maps) and when I look up, two hours have passed!
I wish somehow there was a register of local recently bereaved people. It would be nice to meet up. Where I live, in the SW, there is a club called My Widowed Friends who meet for coffee once a week, but it would be nice to meet individually.
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Hi @Sanson
I have attended a few talking tables , although it nice to have a coffee and chat . I haven’t really made any friends there . I know it takes time to make friends. It seems much harder as you get older . Hope the day goes well for you .
Unfortunately if there was such a list I’m sure that conmen, salesmen, assorted lowlifes, and god botherers would try and muscle in when the bereaved were at their most vulnerable and take advantage.
True. Maybe a list at the local Surgery to register if you’d like to meet someone in a similar situation. Nobody else really understands, although they mean well.
I agree with wanting to meet up with someone who has been through the same thing. Its difficult,Im not up to walking in to a group of people I dont know. Ive tried a walking club buts thats alll.
Hello LucyJack & Everyone
Reading through your comments I find a very accurate description of my ‘new’ life. I lost my wife of 48 years in December 2024 and really am at a loss to know what I am supposed to do with myself. I try not to look back too much because that is distressing and I don’t look forward because that is frightening. I therefore live day to day and try to deal with what turns up.
You are right about weekends and bank holidays. It’s probably because couples and families being busy together exaggerates our sense of isolation.
I too have found friends and family have largely moved on and assumed I have as well! The one exception is my wonderful sister who keeps in touch and clearly worries about me.
I have become increasingly reclusive, not wanting to go out or socialise. I do force myself to go out sometimes and generally feel better for the change of scene, but I always have to return home to my unwanted new life, rather like a prisoner on day release!
Sanson, your comment about jigsaw puzzles is a good idea because distraction really does help with getting through the day. I have hobbies, which I haven’t touched since I lost my wife, but just can’t seem to get beyond the ‘what’s the point’ barrier. Must try harder.
Talking Tables and Coffee and Chat clubs are excellent and an opportunity to get out. The local church runs a club once a week but unfortunately there is no parking and an arthritic hip makes my mobility limited. I do go to a cafe at a nearby garden centre about once a week and have got used to looking busy on my mobile phone while having my coffee and cake. I get on well with the staff there and might suggest they set a table aside for people who would like to chat. When I’m there I often see people sitting on their own but it seems an affront to ask them if they would like me to join them! Sometimes people prefer to be on their own, I know I do.
For now I get by in my own company, at least I’m with someone I can rely on!
Take care everyone.
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Would love to sit and chat with you but its a bit of a drive!
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It sounds like you have a good sense of humour, which can be a great bonus when grieving! The two shouldn’t go together but they do. It’s Life asserting itself.
It’s amazing how often I can laugh even after crying.
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I feel exactly as you do. I don’t see any point in anything anymore. It’s almost 8 months for me, Ray was my best friend, the only person I wanted to spend time with. We loved each other’s company. Friends are few and far between and some just assume I’m fine. I hate social situations, besides I don’t get invited anywhere anyway and that suits me fine.
Just don’t see a way forward right now.
Am thinking of you at this sad time of year for you, I’m dreading my first anniversary
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Hi Woody9
It certainly is! My sister lives 20 miles away and that is about my hip’s endurance for driving.
At least we have this website.
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Hello LucyJack and everyone else who joined this chat. I’m feeling very low today. On a bank holiday my husband and I would choose to have a quiet time in the garden and wait to do our usual outings at a less busy time. So I’m looking at our table and chairs and picturing us having lunch/wine and just chatting. It’s making me so sad to be here on a lovely day without him. He died in November last year so this is my first year of trying to get used to him not being here in the garden. Like many of you are saying weekends and bank holidays can be very hard times to be on your own. My daughter popped in for a little while but she has her own plans for the rest of the day which is as it should be. I feel so jealous of those with their partners and families doing lovely things today. It’s crazy. I’ve never been a jealous person and hate feeling this way. X
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@Joanny
I am so sorry for your loss.
It is so easy in our situation to feel isolated and, indeed, victimised. It’s always worth remembering that there are thousands of us in exactly the same situation. Our friends on this website are with us in spirit even though they can’t be there in person. I also firmly believe that our lost loved ones are still with us giving their love and support to get us through this trial.
Look after yourself.
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Hope you have support this Monday? Sending you big long hugs x
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Hi its the same for me not seen anyone for days such a lonley existence now .I dont even have family they live abroad and friends have their own family to spend time with so one weekend is much the same as another on my own .I’m 74 now and carnt see anything getting better and the people who say be positive its getting harder and harder to do that .
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Im Jonny, im 39 and from London. I lost my dad 11 years ago and trust me the pain doesnt go away but you learn to cope in a way…
Im a good listener.. whats on your mind? Need a hug? Xx
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That’s true! I live in a foreign country and I can barely get some help for free… It’s very sad how this world works…
Janka
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