I had a similar experience in trying to cancel my Wife’s joint credit card , no condolences offered and the operative could be heard in the background talking rubbish with someone else in the call centre . Bloody furious putting it mildly . Have I got the energy to complain NO but really I should .
Been typing a speech for the celebrant all day exhausted now and large whisky n coke to numb the pain .
Too many people became complacent about COVID-19. But it seems now complacent about death as well . Just wait till it happens to you is all I say …
@Bluecatmum77 There are often really cheap places offering cremations for under £1,000. Burials cost much more because of the plot. You are under no obligation to hold a funeral at all, or pay the cost of cremation. This is obviously a pretty drastic solution but it has been done before. (The local council pay the cost.). I completely understand how you feel, but the cost of even a simple cremation arranged by a standard funeral director is usually over £3,000. My husband wouldn’t have been at all happy about that, but in the circumstances I didn’t haggle or pursue one of the very cheap outfits.
Hugs, Christie xxx
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Sorry for your loss and your troubles. I was told to get in touch with th dwp. The criteria of a claim seems to be if you was leagaly married as we were there was no problem. I am not saying a piece of paper covers the problem but that is how it was put to me. I hope that this somehow helps.
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Bluecatmum, have you applied for the bereavement support payment? You can get a lump sum of £2,500 and £100 a month for 18 months. It’s not a huge amount but perhaps it would help you out with funeral costs.
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I am so exhausted with everything.
Had to nip out in the car to drop all the paperwork off with the Solicitor.
Felt like a mammoth task.
Terrified of putting the heating on as i will not be able to afford a hefty bill.
Any other sat night, I would be asleep before midnight. My mind is still whirring after diazepam, citalopram and numerous gins.
I just want my hubby back. Xx
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Christine, I too induced sleep with scotch and Zopiclone sleeping tablet.
Not a great thing to do I know but to get 8 hrs sleep is a joy and you really need it.
Now living alone I have to ask who would come to my aid if I fell downstairs… no one my family are an hours drive away. So I really mustn’t do anything silly or stupid
Take care Mick x
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Yes I know what you mean about sleep I fall asleep then wake up and skip sleep through the night. The aid of a few whiskys helps but I am aware that the answer is not at the bottom of a bottle. Try to not use too much alcohol or pills to get through the probably the worst time in our lives. Keep putting your problems here on this page. It helps to share our difficulties. We’ll it is helping me.
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Yes Ron I agree , and I won’t go down that road.
It’s just a temporary fix for exhaustion
Thanks Mick 
I really feel for you, especially the lack of heat. Our house costs a fortune to heat in the winter - I’ve been hesitating before I turn it up. Can you put the heating on for an hour or two at night? You need to give yourself a break and time to grieve. Also, could you ask for a sleeping pill such as Zopiclone? That might work for you, and give you the brief oblivion we all crave. Christie xxx
Hiya,
I am trying to not take the Diazepam as I know they are very addictive.
I am having an absolute nightmare with tge Coroners. Still no news. I don’t know where he is.
His funeral is supposed to be this Thursday!
I know that they are at full capacity because of Covid, but just a phone call to let me know where he is would put my mind at ease.
All i want to do is lay him to rest.
Xxx
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Hi. I was thinking about your predicament and I just had an idea. It sounds like you are entitled to benefits at the moment on the grounds of stress alone. I’m sure your GP would give you a sick note. It’s a palaver I know, and nobody likes claiming benefits but that is why we pay all these taxes. Once you’re on benefits, you can apply for an interest free loan. I claimed disability benefits last year because I have cervical myelopathy & fibromyalgia. The DWP advisor told me about the loans and I got information along with the form I had to fill in for PIP.
I ended up getting £70 a week and I have to re-apply every year. Not much, but every little helps.
I can totally understand how you feel and it is frustrating to wait on the phone for ages until your call is answered. I coped with putting my mobile on speaker. After 40 minutes I talked to someone and after that it was relatively straight forward. The form is a night mare but there’s plenty of information online about how to fill it out.
Hugs, Christie xxx
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I lost my husband of 40 years in January, he was 63. I have grown up children who were devastated to lose their Dad, but it is so different to lose your partner. He left for work and that was it, he suffered a massive heart attack on his way home. I just feel like I have lost my future, our retirement plans, travel, just life itself. I also miss him more and more as time goes on. I feel guilty because we took each other for granted. I have had counselling, not sure it helps. Nothing will bring him back and that’s all I want. I.just see a lonely future ahead of me and its overwhelming. My heart truly breaks for everyone who finds themselves on here.
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I know where you are. You plan things out your future its there in front of you because you do not plan for tomorrow but five years from now. I am sixty. Worked hard all my life and all you think of is your time together. A bit of traveling your space your time enjoy what you have put in place. For me I was 25 when I started planning what is the use. Now it is a empty void hope things will make more sense in the future but as it is now hell on earth
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I know exactly what you mean about taking someone for granted . When I wasn’t allowed in Hospital to see my wife I sent her a letter and said to her if I ever took you for granted I’m sorry and if I dint tell you enough I loved you I’m sorry .
I know she read it and found it in her got her belongings .
Changes your whole perspective on life I’ll never take it for granted ever again…
Take care xx
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I completely understand this feeling. So sorry 
I haven’t lost my partner but i lost my Grandad this year, he was my best friend and theres not a week that would go by where i wouldnt talk or see him. Ive shouted soo many times where are you, please come back just for 5 minutes.
I jusy hope and pray we see them again one day
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I know how you feel about plans going west.
My Husband was estranged from his parenrs, so meeting the in-laws for the first time is stressful enough when your partner is alive.
They are a lovely couple, and I know that he has caused them problems over the years.
My life is just a huge mess.
Emotionally and financially.
All i can hear on the radio is christmas songs and christmas adverts on Tv And quite frankly i couldnt give a sh*t about it.
I think we all take each other for granted in a long term relationship. Its what happens.
Its only when you are onnyour own you reproach yourself. Should have done this, or that. Thats the guilt that comes with grief.
We all have to take each day as it comes.
Things you are scared of saying to family or friends say on here. We are all here for each other cos we are all feeling the same emotions.
Love to you all. Xx
That sounds difficult meeting the in-laws like that.
I can’t believe its first December, normally this was my favourite time of year. my mum bought me an advent calender, I feel physically sick looking at it. I hate the television and only have it on when there are visitors. I cannot stand all the Christmas references and all the stuff they talk about.
I’m about to phone for the bereavement payment hopefully if can pull myself together to speak instead of cry.
Good luck today fellow heartbroken people x
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Hi,
I know how you feel about Christmas. I am blanking it out. Can you play music instead, or a DVD?
As for his parents, I can only suggest that there are always two sides to every story and you might not completely have his.
I think guilt is part of grief. I have huge feelings of guilt. It’s such a relief because I have just unloaded some to a therapist. I’m taking life a moment at a time. Every day I do what I have to do and then I am kind to myself. If something has to be done that I haven’t done yet, I simply put it off until I feel up to it. If I want to have a nap, I do. If I want to look at something that brings back happy memories, I do that.
Bless you. Christie xxx
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HI,
You can get bereavement support which is not dependent on whether you receive benefits or not. I applied to the DWP and was awarded £2000 lump sum and then £100 a month for 18 months. If you have dependent children I think you are entitled to a bit more. My husband died before he was due to retire so there was no Widow’s Pension. If you die before you retire the Government take back every penny you paid in for your Government pension. I think it’s scandalous.
I’m sorry you were treated so shabbily. It feels like kicking you when you are already down. I was vey lucky that all the organisations I had to deal with following my husband’s death in February were helpful and kind.
You are probably so confused with so much to deal with so suddenly although I don’t think we are ever really prepared. I know I wasn’t. But over the months since he died amongst the overwhelming feelings of sadness and lonliness I have had some lighter moments. You don’t believe it at the moment but I hope you find some peace.
Sending good thoughts to you.
xx
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Hi gang,
It was his funeral yesterday.
The worst day of my life.
His parents sat with me and his mum cuddled me and his dad held my hand.
His interim death certificate has arrived today.
Inquest next June.
I have been playing lots of songs that i love, mainly from when i was a young Indie girl, remembering good times when i was young and carefree.
I have had immense support from my sister, we are estranged from our Mother after we lost Dad 4 years ago.
My friends and colleagues came to the funeral yesterday. It was a lovely service.
I know the hard battle is still ahead, but Im not even going to think about it.
Taking each day as it comes.
My neighbour, he lost his wife after 51 years of Marriage in Aug said he is dreading Christmas, but just think of Christmas Day as a glorified Sunday,
Once the day is over, which i will probably spend in bed, then its Boxing Day and just new year to get out of the way.
I am numb today, so enjoying the lack of emotions.
Take care everyone. Xxxx
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