That’s good that those people all turned up and tried to support you. I found comfort on the day of my husband’s funeral from that. Afterwards was hard though, numb can be nice.
At least this big thing is done and done well by the sound of it. I hope your sister is still with you. I was an indie/rock girl and I guess we have a lot of thoughtful music in indie. I didnt listen to much of my music yet but did listen to my husbands music. Anything that provides any relief from this horror for a few mins is good. Take care x
@FleurDeLis and everyone else…x
I am a rocker first, then Indie.
Anything loud, the better. Xx
Hubby loved Northern Soul and was a 2nd gen MOD. NOT my scene…
I have always loved music. My late Father loved music. Wish I had paid more attentiom when he was trying to teach me to play guitar.
Was too busy getting backies on bikes and climbing up fencing on the railways…
Typical manc girl…
Whenever you need me, I will be here for you all.
I have spent most of the day in bed. I just needed oblivion today.
Cats let me know they were hungry at 5pm, so I dragged my carcass out of bed and fed them.
Maybe tomorrow (cue Steroephonics) I’ll find my way home…
Thank you all for being in touch. This really means the world to me.
Knowing that others out there are living the same nightmare is very comforting.
We just all have to stock together and support one another. Xx
Tomorrow is another day. Now, tomorrow may be a really sh*t day, but, thats the ups and downs we face. Xx
Tomorrow may be a better day?
We dont know until we open our eyes.
God bless you all. Sending you love and prayers.
Steph. Xx
Tomorrow is another day, probably another s#!t day really made me laugh for some reason Yes we are in this together
I also more rock than Indie. Going to listen to Maybe Tomorrow, its a while since I heard that one.
I did have this come up on my husband’s playlist yesterday which had new meaning to me now. Especially as I discovered something yesterday that made me angry with him.
“And when your fears subside
And shadows still remain, oh yeah
I know that you can love me
When there’s no one left to blame
So never mind the darkness
We still can find a way
‘Cause nothin’ lasts forever
Even cold November rain”
I wish you and the cats a good evening (it wont be, it will be sh!tty like mine but still I wish it!!)
Maybe tomorrow, I’ll find my way home…
What a tune.
Ive been listening to The Verve. I love them.
Listening to Pink Floyd, comfortably numb.
Wish I could be just that.
I always have the radio on in the background.
I cannot bear the silence.
The cats are being extremely naughty. They can sense im not happy.
I forced myself to do some cleaning.
Its 3 weeks today since I lost my hubby.
I have lost all track of time. No idea what day it is.
I think the word Sh*t pretty much sums up our situation. Or shituation as i now call it.
Have woken up very angsty today.
Might have a siesta.
Sleep is very restorative. My Dad always said everything is always better after a sleep ( & several whisky’s)
Love to you all.
My mum is sleeping with me in bed and at first it helped but now it doesn’t so I didnt sleep well thinking I need to tell her to leave me now so I can try to get on alone since I need to sometime.
Also I cant listen to music, cry and talk out loud or watch stuff I would like with her here.
I’m aware i am so lucky to have her and she could die anytime though and then I’ll regret this. Just need some time not “holding up” or pretending to be interested in stuff.
Today I woke up a lot worse than yesterday. Sitting with three of my cats watching Netflix whilst she was still asleep didnt work like I thought it would. I feel like I can’t breathe. My stepdad is coming in 30 min and then I can choose to let the new normal routine unfold (watch the news and BBC for hours, lunch together, he goes home, mum and I sit for hours and hours more, he comes back, we watch the news andvhave tea, he goes, mum and I sit not watching crap telly for hours, we go to bed). I can go back to their house and watch f1 or something with my brother, though it doesn’t interest me. Or say to my mum she should go with my stepdad and I see them tomorrow.
I am really breathless today. I can’t stand this and can’t see how it can get better… it just keeps going on and on… I used to love weekends so much. And I have so much support so feel so ungrateful and like some on here must hate me when they don’t have these options that cause me so much worry but I also feel suffocated.
I don’t know how to improve things. There is nothing I want to do.
Weekends are tough.
My sister wanted to stay last night, but i said no. Its ok.
The first night on your own is the hardest.
The first night i was alone, i rang the samaritans and they were superb. They are always there to listen.
As horrific as it is, you need to be alone so you can sceam and cry and yell why have you gone?
Where you? Give me some sort of a sign that you are here watching over me.
Cry like you will break. End up a broken snotty mess, but then you’ve done it.
Friends and family want to help and support us.
It can be stifling, but you dont want to say, can you just shut up or piss off cos i just need to be on my own for fear of offending.
There’s no right or wrong in this.
Thats why I keep checking this thread because i find it so healing.
We are all in this together.
I tell the radio to piss off when a Christmas song comes on.
I have every intention of just sleeping the day away. Then its out of the way for another 12 months.
Stay strong, we will get there. Xx
I ended up asking them to leave me. Now its only 1.30pm and I’m already beside myself, then again I was anyway so I might as well try this.
Thank you for understanding, I know I’m so lucky to have my mum and stepdad, I love and appreciate them so much but how you say is exactly how it is. My husband died almost 7 weeks ago and I’ve only spent a few hours here and there alone, never a night. 7 weeks of comfort has been well appreciated but also 7 wks of hardly anything of my old life, my mum’s routines and habits. Whispered conversations in the bathroom to my husband.
I was also giving myself major guilt of the toll on my family to keep travelling up and down the motorway here and all the things they are doing for me. If my mum or stepdad die now I will definitely have contributed. I always thought I’d be the one helping them, not this.
When I received dreaded brown envelopes, flowers, Christmas cards, sympathy cards instead of putting them in the bin like I want to (I know… more ungrateful bitch behaviour, I never realised I was such a spoiled knobhead) I have to say how nice it is to have this reminder of the death of my husband from pitying couples and send a thankyou message or reassure my mum i will put the paperwork in the file I told her I had.
Now I can swear again i will try your technique of telling everything to piss off!
Hope your day is better than mine. What are you all up to?
Woke up four in the morning today not a good start. Got up at nine I usually get up earlier to practice on my guitar so I could get on with the day with my wife. The days seem to last forever even though I get on with chores that were done while I was at work by my wife god bless her. I walked out yesterday and my window cleaner was outside. He asked how I was getting on I told him day by day he them told me he lost his wife three months earlier to cancer she was only 38 he thought cancer had taken my wife as he knew she had secondary breast cancer but no it was covid as she had no defences left after the cancer. The world seems to be full of pain as well as the pain we are suffering let’s hope the future will start getting kinder to us all.
Had to go out for a walk about the time she passed away.
I went to a local beauty spot for walk and at the time I sat on a seat and Robin came down sat in the bush by me .
So I told her I was ok (lied) and talked to her until she flew away .
Some would say stupid, think what you like but for me it was a sign .
She loved her garden birds
And I loved her
Xx
It’s sometimes hard to remember there are so many others suffering too when feeling overwhelmed by our own problems, thanks for the story about your window cleaner Ron.
I also have been looking out for Robins too in the garden and when on a walk. My René used to bring mealworms in a bag in his pocket to feed Robins when we went to certain nature reserves where some had been tamed by photographers so every time I’ve seen one it’s felt like a sign from him in addition to the regular stories about Robins being there when loved one is near. I treasure seeing one.
I had a horror at sunset today though as my cat brought one in through the cat flap and ran under our bed with it. I managed to get it from my cat but not very quickly (I thought it was a mouse as didn’t expect a bird when so dark) … It is typical this happened when I’m by myself. The robin felt warm but not moving. There was no obvious damage to it so I put it in a box in the porch away from the cats but I don’t think it made it as its totally still . I will leave it until tomorrow morning just in case but
Oh that’s really sad. My husband used to look after rescue animals and birds. If he got one, he would put it in a ‘nest’ made up of straw and soft tissues, and feed it milk with a drop of brandy through a pipette. His recovery tally was pretty good.
One funny thing, a sparrow fell out of its nest in our garden, and was so tiny he didn’t have feathers. As it is illegal to keep wild birds, we contacted the RSPCA who said it wasn’t likely to live and just to keep it comfortable. After another two weeks, we contracted them again and they said, as we have ‘humanised’ it through the care we had given it, we would have to keep it, or take it to a very big park ( they mentioned Regent’s Park, about 80 miles from us!) They assured us that there was no way it would live, so not to worry too much, just keep it comfortable. That little sparrow lived for 9.5 years! It came out every
evening for a fly around, after which it would snuggle up on Tony’s shoulder and sleep for the rest of the evening!
Happy days!
Hi Ann
My husband was just like that with birds and animals. We had a nest of pigeons in a tree in our back garden. Pigeons are pretty stupid and they make very precarious nests of scraggy twigs. After a very windy night my husband found most of the nest on the patio and 2 very frightened babies. He scooped up the nest, arranged it back in the tree and made a sort of hammock for it. Then he put the babies back with the thought that mum probably wouldn’t come back but she did!
Both babies miraculously survived. Although I laughed at his efforts I was immensley proud of him for making such an effort to save these birds. That was him all over.
How I miss him for all the lovely things he did.
I also look out for Robins. They were always my favourite bird. They are so bold and cheeky. I have one that sings his heart out to me when I see him. So I talk to him. It gives me comfort even though my neighbours probably think i’m talking to myself!
Sending good thoughts to everyone here as always.
xxx
That’s a lovely story and it’s a miracle the babie# survived. What a good job mum came back, they usually do apparently, once humans are out of the way.
I didn’t mention in my tale that the sparrow wouldn’t eat the bird food the vet gave us for him, he ended up eating exactly what we did, including Rice Krispies with milk for breakfast, and roast meat and potatoes on Sundays! He had a completely human diet. Totally wrong, but we were desperate to get him to eat something, and it did the trick.
The will to survive can be amazing. Hopefully we will all find the strength to survive the hell we find ourselves in. I know that 10 months on I have done my best to cope because I know that’s what Tennant would expect of me. My children and step sons think I’m amazing with what I have coped with. Little do they know what an uphill struggle it has been every day since my lovely man died. But they are proud of me and I know it would upset them to know how much pain I am still in. Most of the time the good days outweigh the bad but when the waves of grief hit me I am still surprised how it can bring me to my knees. I find that I can talk about him and remember a few of the good times BC (before cancer) like the pigeon fiasco. This is a huge step forward for me. I want to talk about him and I don’t ever want anyone to forget him or what a fantastic husband, father, step dad and friend he was.
I just wanted to say to anyone who is in the depths of despair with no light at the end of the tunnel that life does change and at some point you will see a tiny speck of light that will get bigger and bigger and you will start focusing on the happy memories more than the sad. That’s my hope anyway.
xx
Last night I started writing a note and will in case I died overnight as I felt like I would. Halfway through writing my thanks to people and how I love them and this isn’t their fault as they couldn’t have done more to help me, I realised I am lucky to have these people trying to help me and I want to live and help them too, I just don’t know how to get strong again. I also don’t want to live alone and probably not in this house.
It must be nice to have something solid like a child made of you both to live for, though I’m sure it has it’s own challenges, that sounds a real thing worth the struggle to live for.
My husband drove us for a 2hr round trip to save a blackbird in the summer. That was also something making me sad with the robin as he would have probably saved it. Catching a cat on your own is tricky. I have always been a loner I thought but maybe I’m not after all.
Yes we are in this together 
than Indie. Going to listen to Maybe Tomorrow, its a while since I heard that one.