Cheers all xx x
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@Mickp so pleased to read you felt at ease. Itās a big step the first meeting.
I am seeing my guy tomorrow (we meet in a park w camp chairs) and I find it invaluable. To be actually heard from someone (he doesnāt get to say much).
Great news the first session went well.
Mx
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Sorry to read youāve had a shitty time.
They canāt understand, you will never be the same.
I am now going through a sea change, calls and texts have dried up, I think the full throttle compassion people initially give dries up, some people can carry on a bit longer I guess but people just canāt, I think.
Itās such a big adjustment for us isnāt it trying to accept others ānormalityā when they wonāt see ours.
I hope the next few days fair better.
Mx
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Another sleepless night. 2.30 am & just looking at videos and pics from our travels, canāt cry, canāt smile. Just empty. 12 weeks yesterday, less folk texting phoning, doing doorstep visits. They just donāt realise & wonāt understand till itās their turn.
Living a nightmare.
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I hope you managed to get a bit of sleep or rest Maigret in the end. I remember saying to my ex-friend a few months ago that sleep was the only respite and then I wake into the living nightmare.
Wishing some peace for everyone here today and thinking of you all. Hoping today will be better than yesterday.
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Iām sorry you have had a rough night, I think we all regularly suffer with sleeplessness itās a crap way of living. I hope you can get through the day okay and have a better night tonight
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Dear blurcatmumāi understand where you are coming from. Yes, is is a real shame that we are here at this time ā I really appreciate your messages and honesty - I guess you are saying, from a truthful heart, what many of us are not ready to say. Yes, I agree that I personally feel I have been shorted in that I lost a lovely wife - so how am I to just move on? It cannot be ā So here I am going about my life in a so-called normal state of mind - So i guess I am to just move on like her seems it meant nothing - right??? Do you think I am Ok with that?
I wish I knew why I am still here? I must have slugged down 3 shots of Gin - feeling very downhearted ā I guess it doesnāt matter to most o most of you (Iām not the only one mind you) - I feel very sad tonight - guess I am thinking of the past when I was once a happier person. Needless to say, I miss my wife - I am her all alone - it is a loss I would wish on anyone. Sorry for the down hearted news, I just feel so down tonight. Take care!
Herb (the guy across the pond)
Herb
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i shall apologsie on the morrow - just had a down-heated daty.
herb
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Hi Herb
Hang in there! I hope you find some distraction later to focus on. Be it tv, another person to pass the time of day with or a walk. Something simple but somehow uplifting.
No one can ever understand these depths of despair unless they have the misfortune to experience it but I think if we can survive it then one day maybe we will be able to help guide someone else through it.
For the moment though you must put yourself first, second and third. Purposefully have some face to face human contact even if itās only saying āhiā to the mailman!
Nurture any and all friendships you have. I donāt think we are abandoned on purpose.
I really hope you pick up a little today and some brightness appears.
X
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@Greencat1950 Herb I hope you are feeling brighter today
These emotions really are like the raging sea. Over the weekend I was so low, sobbing to the point of retching. Since then Iāve been in a calmer state of numbness. Functioning each day with a deep sadness but not sobbing. Today. Tomorrow. Who knows how I will be. We just have to weather those waves as they come. Where we end up eventually, I have no idea but I hope there will be happier times. Never ever the same without my soulmate but hopefully a new sort of happy. Until then, we just do our best
Take care you guys. Love ya. Wishing you all a calm day xx
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Morning gang.xx
@Greencat1950. Never apologise.
Thats what we are here for. Talk from the heart.
We all care.
Had a fairly decent sleep.
Woken up wiped out. Not numb, but absolutely flat. The coiled spring and manic tension has gone. Just feel meh.
Thank you all one again for your amazing support last night. Xx I really was rock bottom.
I think we live our lives in a state of complete denial. When the realisation hits again, we just go to pieces.
It floors us.
It is so hard to process and I am nowhere near accepting any of this.
I have to drag my sorry carcass into the office today.
I probably need to get out of the house.
It might do me good speaking to people, although i dont want to talk about how I am.
Brave face and pull up my big girl pants time.
My manager rang me last night. I just cried my eyes out down the phone to her.
Sheās recently lost her Mum. She has been brilliant. We are both there for each other.
She too, has discovered who her true friends are.
Isnt it sad, that we have to deal with that aswell?
I am just so thankful i reached out on here.
Still amazed at the amazing friends I have made on here.
I know i can post on here at any time and the support just comes flooding in.
You will never know how much you all mean to me.
I felt terribly guilty last night, because I didnt want to bring any of you down.
But I just had to reach out to my gang. Xx
Well, i better start getting ready for work.
Got my counselling at 4pm.
Word of the dayā¦
MEH.
Sending big hugs, love, light and strength.
Steph.
Xxxxxx
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Morning virtual friends
Drank a few glasses wine last night my daughter came round to eat with me and I felt so sad after sheād left but a thick head today.
I think my medication is working now as i am not sobbing continuously, it builds up and comes over me every now and then. I have calm periods without the tummy anxiety which a few weeks ago was there all the time.
I have been trying to keep busy by thinking of ways to keep Tim near me. I have a rose gold locket with his ashes and photo in. His wedding ring is on the chain.
I have ordered a hand built wooden chest made by a autistic charity by people with autism for which I am going to put special memories like the holiday scrapbook I am making, the cards he sent me and concert tickets, things like this that I can look at.
Our happy place was Tsilivi so I have a silver heart I am going to put ashes in and put it in a pot of a olive tree and this will sit next to our sofa in the garden.
You know I have also realised when Tim was in ICU I was having up to 20 messages a day asking how he was, now I guess because I am so sad two friends message me regularly and even family donāt bother apart from one sister who rings me daily.
Grieving is a lonely existence for which we survive the best we can.
I hope you all had some respite with sleep because it is true itās the only time your thoughts leave you alone for a bit.
Julie
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@Bluecatmum77
Steph. Good to wake and see your post, and know your relatively okay,
Hope you have a half decent day.
Hope counceling goes good.
Love ya
Mick x
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I bloomin love this group of people. I really hope that one day we can all meet somewhere central
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Wow how do you lot do it. I feel so down. Hard to put one foot infront of the other. Blubbering mess most days. Feel so empty and lost. Life is shit. Miss mel so much. 11 weeks now. I come from a family of 12 but only one rings me. Rest dont bother. I feel like i am being babysat by my children. Just want to be normal again. Life will never be the same. I am dead i side. Tablets all gone to chemist as felt like taking them all. Had enough of feeling like this. Where does it end.
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@Quarterman
Julie, snap ! Great minds think alike !
I too have Venetiaās eternity ring on a chain around my neck.
Also a memory box and two albums I put pictures and cuttings in.
Iām having two memory cushions made from her favourite Joules tops
And Iām thinking of having her Wedding Ring and Engagement Rings made into one so I could wear it. @Misty1972 gave me a contact for a good jeweller.
Iām now trying to retrieve and print off the last ten days of text exchanges we had, I break down every time I read them But their like private conversations I can save forever and one day cherish.
Iāve planted a rose to her memory (Pink Lady) close by her in the cemetery and had a plant marker made.
Canvas prints next., when shop re opens.
Take care
Mick x
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Thatās lovely.
I know how you feel. I too am being babysat by my adult children - who are absolutely fantastic. Trouble is, thereās only one person who can make me feel better and heās not here. Canāt seem to stop crying at the moment and the tummy anxiety that you talk about is there all of the time. Didnāt sleep well last night either. I just donāt know how I am ever going to feel any different to this again.
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I thought i was feeling better and now gone back to square one. I walk most days but look at the ground as i walk so that nothing upsets me. Silliest things trigger it. Yesterday it was a sparrow. My mel loved birds xx
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@Misty1972 Funny Iāve thought same about meeting others one day. Would be nice.
Xx
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