Appetite

Hi there all I do not know whether it is part of the life called bereavement but my appetite as gone down the drain since my wife Jane passed away last November anything I cook or prepare I lose interest after the first few mouthfuls and its ends up in the bin even my little dog doesn’t fancy any of it,I am now on to ready meals from the supermarket (tasteless),when I look back at the meals Jane would prepare stew and dumplings,liver and onions,roast lamb on Sundays lovely grub! Her pies both meat and fruit apple crumble her specialty egg custard baking cake making sausage rolls and mince pies on Christmas morning because I 'd eaten the ones she had baked ready the smell of her home baked bread straight out of the breadmaker (smashing).
What I am eating now is just tasteless rubbish don’t really fancy it at all, I could go out to restaurants but what is the point of paying upwards of £8-£9 to push it up the table having no appetite for it at all.
As the song goes food glorious food only if Jane would have cooked it.
Memories (lovely) MM69

Yes my appetite has diminished, I can’t be bothered to cook for-myself have anything that’s easy, I had terrible tummy problems for the 2 years my husband was ill, did go to the GP took tablets, but since he passed away, I’m not as bad with my tummy problems, don’t take them anymore, did start eating more healthy though, over the 2 years. And I do continue with the lifestyle but I seem to have no appetite, I make a sandwich and only eat half, hours go past and I realise I haven’t eaten. All the food you mention doesn’t even make my mouth water. I used to cook proper meals, and always pushed the boat out when it was Sunday, my husband loved his food.

Another one here. My hubby was an amazing cook. I not only cannot see much of a point cooking for one but I don’t have any appetite either. I know I’m losing too much weight and recently got to buying the protein shakes to drink, trying to get some goodness inside me!!! God loves a trier .)

yep - I have lost a stone in the 3 weeks since my husband died suddenly. I need to lose weight, but I do not recommend this kind of diet!

My Richard was the cook in my home, strangely he would have a hot meal one day followed by a salad the next day, he would do this throughout the year, come winter or summer…I cherish the Saturdays as he would bring me in, I was usually in the office, a plate of chipolata sausages which I devoured, sometimes on the Saturday just for the change he would do battered fish or a Kentucky style supermarket bought chicken, there was always something in the oven, I have never touched our oven, I wouldn’t even know how to work it in our now parkhome home…
When Richard died I lost 18 lbs of weight in less than two weeks, but have to say my appetite has come back, been back a few weeks now but I do prepare myself either healthy salads or stock up on ready microwave meals, just need to make sure I have something available in the freezer as I cant-dont get out to do a shop ( MS) I have a home superstore delivery, also have a well-known organic company home delivery…My weight is steady, n more loss, no have i put any of that weight back on…

Jackie…

I have no appetite either and find myself eating ready meals because I just can’t be bothered. I bought stuff recently to make a big lasagne with the intention of freezing portions to stop me eating ready meals but I don’t even have the motivation to actually make it ! Maybe we should invite each other round for tea ! Xx

Ruthie…
…I too needed to lose some of my weight but as you say, other ways to lose it…This was something I remember saying to my Richard when he purposely lost a couple stone of weight, diabetic, COPD, he believed he was doing all the right things, he was going to a diabetes-heart-COPD weekly exercise class, I told him I thought he was going overboard, and when one goes into hospital or becomes ill, one automatically will lose weight anyway…

Jackie…

Your post made me laugh out loud. I’ve done that too. Bought stuff to do this and that with and then thrown it all in the bin a few days later. Lack of motivation being my reason too. Full of good intentions but pretty crap at taking them the extra step i.e cooking and eating! This whole thing is still like a really big joke that someone is playing on me, although I’m not laughing over much. Love to you and you’re welcome for tea at my house any time. Do you like protein shakes :))) xx

Me too. Just the same. How long is it now for you?

I so identify with this! I hate mealtimes! I hate this life where everything dear to me is snatched all in a moment. How can this nightmare be happening? I want to wake up!

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Hello All,
I’ve been reading your messages and can identify with all of you. ! It’s approaching the 3 yr anniversary for me and I too have lived on ready meals etc, then I suddenly found a web site called simply food. Basically they provide the recipes and the spices and provide a shopping list so you don’t even have to write one! I sent off for the introductory offer for £3 for 4 meals and I really enjoyed it!!i had to force myself to do it but once started i found a joy in doing it. I’ve also got a veg box delivered each fortnight so it’s given me a zing for cooking again. Not all the time, it’s not a cure for that why should I bother cooking for one feeling but it’s a start. I cooked Santa Fe chicken with salsa salad tonight and really enjoyed it, both preparing it and eating it. It was delicious! It’s someone else providing the ideas, almost telling you what to cook and it helps. Try it and see how you get on. It’s got to be worth a try. The veg box comes from riverford.

I cook because I grow my own vegetables and have more or less gone over to being a vegetarian except for fish. Nothing fancy just throw a load of veg together. I can’t go into the dining room though. We used to sit at the table but I just take food into the living room and eat it off my lap. No set times nowadays just when I feel like eating. The dining room was my favourite room but I just walk through it now to go to the kitchen. We set that room up for Brian in his last weeks and we virtually lived in it. He died in there. Now I hate it. I redecorated it to give it a better feel but that was no good either. Your right it is a nightmare of the worst kind and I wonder when I’m going to wake up. In the meantime just keep going and looking for the good things in life because my Brian would have done that.

Just reading about your Richard doing everything right. Losing weight, exercise class. It is so disappointing and heartbreaking when you try so hard and can’t then understand why it didn’t work. We also led a healthy lifestyle, Exercise, walking, cycling, rock climbing for a year or two we had a boat and loved the garden. Even so Brian was diagnosed with C. So we upped our game and got the allotments and grew organic fruit and veg. The C still got him but he did live for another 10 yrs which was not expected so I suppose I can thank the healthy lifestyle for more years with Brian but I did wonder at times why we had bothered and was eating terrible rubbish after he died. I couldn’t have cared less. It took me a few months to pull myself together and get back on track. It’s no use letting our health go to pot.
Take care of yourself Love Pat xxxx

Hi my wife Jane passed away last November so 7 months gone I miss her more and more each day grief not getting any better

Hi MM, I also lost my partner Simon suddenly last November and I miss him every day. I am seeing a counsellor and he thinks I am bottling up my feelings still. I am just taking one day at a time. I am so sorry for your loss.
Janet x

Yes me too! Since my husband died I have no appetite at all. I lost 2 stone in a few weeks and feel so weak. I have always baked and cooked as it was my passion but now I cook something have two mouthfuls and the rest goes in the bin. Just don’t fancy eating anything even gone stopped eating chocolate!

Hi Janet I lost my husband of 46 years last December and I think I bottle my feelings up to, I was always the strong one in our family, any crisis within the family my husband would say ask your mum and I feel I still need to be strong, some days I feel like I am going to erupt like a volcano and I don’t seem to know what to do with these feelings, so I just keep busy decorating gardening, walking the dog, going out anything to stop me thinking, but I know one day I am going to have to deal with my inner despair. Take care
Jan x

Hi Jan, we were together for 30 years. I am doing the same as you, gardening, walking the dogs, even changed the living room round, then put it back as it was! As you say anything to take your mind of everything. My counsellor said it will come out sometime and would it be better to deal with it now rather than later. I guess I am still struggling to believe it really happened. I can talk about Simon and even talk to him, but not really thinking to deep.
Take care Janet x

Hi there, I lost Brian last November so can relate to you all. It doesn’t seem to get easier but I suppose it is without us realising as we learn to cope.
I found an old message of mine this week done last January and I certainly sounded different then to what I feel today, so there is change.
I try not to bottle it as a good friend of mine who lost her husband suddenly bottled it, even went back to work only a week or two later (she was a nurse) but months later she had a breakdown. I certainly don’t want that on top of the grief. I’ve been told that I’m a person that doesn’t like to show weakness and I suppose that is right. I don’t show it to the outside world though but my weakness is there alright.
I’ve also moved the furniture around and then put it all back.
I too keep busy. Walking my dogs for hours, growing fruit and veg on the allotment, decorating. Today I’ve been cleaning the freezers and fridge because it’s pouring with rain Perhaps I’l have a walk around the house and see what bit of wall I can paint next.
Take care all of you. Pat xxx

I feel the same - nothing tastes good any more - even in restaurants I have difficulty eating - emma my daughter loved food so much I feel I can never enjoy eating when she isn’t there to enjoy it as well

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