Hi Trixie
Very well done for not being tempted to go for a quick fix which doesn’t exist anyway. You are actually showing good sense.
I agree with everything Kate has said to you… None of us are ill we are suffering from grief and unfortunately we have to learn to get through it if we are to come out the other end unscathed.
Have any of these well meaning relatives lost their partners, if not then tell them to keep their opinions to themselves. They might think they are showing a caring side but you have enough to get your head around without extra pressure.
You are also entitled to spend Christmas how you want to and how you feel you can cope. Next year might be totally different but you should not be pressured like this.
Hi Nel
Your not alone. I think most of us wake feeling just the way you do. It seems to be something that goes with grief.
I go for a walk first thing in the morning after doing a session of yoga or some form of exercise. These make the brain focus on something else.
I make a point of smiling and saying good morning to people which has helped my mood.
P xxx
Pattidot
you took the right out my mouth, i’m still off work I too find walking ,or having a cuppa with friends I find it helps even if its just for a few hours Nel you are not alone lost my wife 18weeks ago and it is a uphill struggle
steve xxx
Good morning @Nel (or perhaps that should be Good Mourning ). I agree with Pattidot, walking is excellent for anxiety. If that’s not an option, try concentrating on your breathing. I’m attaching a YouTube video of Stuart Sandeman which I’ve posted on another thread. I find distraction is the best solution for when I’m feeling anxious. I particularly like Stuart because (sadly) he knows about grief. It might be worth giving it a go…
Hi All
I lost my wife Lou 18 weeks ago, over the last 5yrs she suffered with Heart Failure & COPD, She was a Fighter and a very strong willed person, As the weeks have passed I find myself trying to draw my strength from her (doesn’t always work), I too went to my doctors who wanted to prescribe antidepressants and sleeping tablets to which I refused, I have taken KALMS NIGHT which you can buy over the counter I take them as and when i need them ,On Nov 2nd would of been our 20th wedding anniversary I layed my Lous ashes to rest it was a hard day but i got through it with the Help from my family , since then i visit her alot I find my self at peace (even just for a short while) I also have regained some small amount of purpose and meaning in my life which i lost the day she passed, i Hope this can Help some of you ,And Remember You Are Not Alone,
@Trixie1 it is ludicrous for you to be “berated” for being in this forum - how dare anyone treat you that way? I have a very supportive son, and the other who despite being asked my me 5 times is totally uninterested (the thought that he would have treated my darling girl that way if I had passed first is disgusting me), so I have reluctantly decided to spend my time with the other.
In your new world, in my opinion, spend your efforts only only those that spend their efforts on you?
You are in the earliest stages of your grief…its no wonder you feel like you’re going mad…I describe it as being all over the place. I lost my mum 8 months ago and its still raw…As the months go by it sinks in that they are truly gone. They were there for years so it’s can take years to come to terms with the loss. I recently heard this…Don’t try and have a good day. Don’t expect to have a bad day…Just have a day.
I found they made me infinitely worse on every possible level.
Numbed my emotions, froze my grief, made it harder to process, or to be there for my wife as she was dying, and were incredibly hard to get off after 18 months - 2 years, like really hard. I also had terrible drug side-effects, particularly when mixing them with anything else (sleeping pills, for the insomnia from the AD…! lol), another drug for the conspitation…unless you are almost falling apart even with counselling, just dont!
I would recommend practically ANYTHING except AD - there are even other drug options that are being trialed recently I’d consider… but never AD again…!
Also be aware of 2 side-effects
a) Seratonin Syndrome - I had this…
b) Post-SSRI **sexual dysfunction
"is a medical condition that can persist after discontinuation of SSRIs and serotonin-norepinephrine reuptake inhibitors (SNRIs). A month later, EMA recommended that product information on all relevant antidepressants should be updated to reflect reports of long term sexual dysfunction after treatment.3
Post-SSRI sexual dysfunction is under-recognised and can be debilitating both psychologically and physically. Symptoms include genital numbness, decreased sex drive (libido), erectile dysfunction, failure to become aroused or orgasm, pleasureless or weak orgasm, and premature ejaculation. The sensory changes may extend beyond the genital area to a …"
