Sorry Eddie that last reply was meant for Chris it didn’t go through yesterday.
@Eddie5902 thanks I feel mad need it at some point just not at this moment…glad it helped you…at this time I feel I will never move forward…its so hard and as you say no þwo people are the same x
You don’t need to think that your life is over.please get some counselling and you will find that it helps with the whole process. I had counselling and it certainly helped me, but all cases are not the same
Keep your husband in your mind and think what he would do in the same situation, and talk to people that are not in your friends/family circle. They will tell you what they think you need, there’s only you that can work through this terrible episode. Deepest sympathy Eddie.
@Eddie5902 I will think about the counselling, I don’t think it will help me at this point, but I will try and give it a go as I know my husband would want me to carry on. But at this point I feel guilty for even doing normal things without him. At what point did you have the counselling from the very beginning? X
Don’t feel guilty he would want you to carry on with your life and keep your memories in your heart.
I asked for it after about 2 months from Frances’s passing I had to wait a few weeks on the waiting list but it certainly helped me to talk to someone outside of your circle of family and friends. You will be surprised that you can talk to a complete stranger quite openly because it is not face to face. Give it a go and stay positive best regards Eddie.
You’re welcome stay positive and think about the good days.
Maybe this will help given the topic of this post:
Without sounding melodramatic, having shared an existence with my darling Sharon almost all my life - when she went I was going to join her. No problem, The Notebook ending. Sharon had no problem with this (apparently), but told me just before she passed “but you do know the boys will never get over it” and robbed me of that option at this point.
Having been marked on my NHS record as high risk of self-harm and suicide the doctors have been all over me - I see a psychiatrist, 2 bereavement counsellors every week and my GP gets me in every 2 weeks.
As a hard core alpha male, who is old school and would never take drugs or have counselling - I was very against anti-depressants saying “people like me don’t do stuff like that”.
However, I had massive panic attacks, some kind of brain issue causing me to collapse in and out of consciousness and blue lighted into A&E Major Traumas, constant anxiety, diahrea, sleeplessness etc - so eventually I started on Sertraline. This reduced the anxiety (to be clear nothing will reduce the grief of losing my darling, sweetest Sharon), but it had some man-issue side effects.
GP and shrink changed me onto Vortioxetine which has given me no side effects - but my anxiety has reduced an amount.
5 months+ in, I’m still in shock/denial, PTSD, and apparently following Continuing Bonds to get through each day, but for me the Vortioxetine has probably helped.
The last 3 years of my darling girl’s life since being given 3 months to live with Stage 4 pancreatic and liver cancer, including the last 5 months living 24/7 by her side in a hospice were devastating (yet also something people who haven’t been a carer for their soul mate won’t understand: deepest joining of our souls) and totally terrible beyond words - so drugs won’t help this loss; but if they continue to reduce some physical symptoms, I’ll stay on them forever.
Hope that helps…
So sorry for you loss and what you both went through…I am glad the anti depressant have helped you… for me at the min I need to feel what am feeling or it won’t seem real, I am one of those that think they would mask my symptoms and would be a short term fix as wouldn’t want them long term…but I will never say never and just trying to get me through minute by minute. My husband passed suddenly, I still think he’s gonna walk through the door it’s so very hard.
I will keep your advice in mind as may need them in the future x
Dear Brokenhearted2022
As a person who has been on antidepressants for the last 17 years I can
honestly say they are great if you get the right one to suit you. They just give you a boost in mood to carry you through your difficult time. Its like someone holding you up and helping you on your way. They will not make you numb or ‘high’, I could not have got through all the losses in my family without them. Don’t be afraid. You will know when you don’t need them any more and believe me that will happen. I am a survivor. You will be too. ;}
I think that I have got to the stage where I need some form of medication, I sometimes have to really struggle to do the most dasic job’s, anxiety kicks in when I am due to go out, and just before going out I have to urinate about two times.
I’ve got a mental health assessment on Monday and will take whatever they offer this time (I had refused medication from crisis team before). Mum died 2 months ago tomorrow and I’m REALLY starting to struggle, having extreme mood swings now. Sometimes feeling ok for a while then just an hour or two later feeling complete despair. It’s a nightmare, I feel like I’m going mad.
I think that you have to take what the professionals offer you, and hopefully you will have a good outcome. They understand what we are going through.
I woke up this morning struggling to cope with the anxiety. It’s that bad some days I don’t want to go out. I feel lightheaded sweaty sick anxious stomach diarrhoea shaking and cannot get it under control. I then feel I’m going to lose control totally. I then cry because I don’t know what else to do. I have tried numerous antidepressants and currently take Sertraline which doesn’t work. I’m losing hope. Life seems so hard
Good morning Nel
I’m so sorry you are feeling like this Nel and I do wish I had the answer for you but I don’t. AllI can say is that we are all here for you and just wish we could take away some of your pain.
X Julie
Nel, I have sent you a PM, hope that’s ok, x
How do I read a private message Rainbow x
For various reasons I have decided against visiting a doctor and asking for antidepressants. However, this has just caused a constant barrage of disagreement from my family.
To my dismay, my sister asked me yesterday if I actually wanted to get better as if I was suffering from some sort of illness!! I’ve tried to explain how I feel but it just falls on deaf and dismissive ears. As to me being on this site, I am frequently derided for it and yet it’s been a lifeline for me.
How I plan to spend Christmas has now become an issue. I’ve tried to explain that for me, it’s a time to be dreaded not celebrated. That hasn’t gone down too well as well.
So now, instead of feeling supported in my grief I now just feel abandoned. I’m lucky to have family that ‘care’ but it’s on their terms.
They say grief is lonely and I’m finding out how true that is and how hard. X
Oh @Trixie1
I know how you feel but only early days for me, I don’t want to do Xmas at all. I can also relate as well, they need to understand there is no cure it’s not an illness, grief is personal to you. This site is a god send as its people who know exactly how you feel and what you are going through. I am here if you ever need to talk. I am just waiting for counselling from this group, see if that helps me cope a bit better. Love to you 
x
Hello @Trixie1,
I am so sorry your family aren’t more understanding but that’s just it, they don’t and can’t understand your grief. I’m afraid people do tend to think of it as an illness, including the doctors. But well done you for steering clear of the doctor and the meds they are so keen to throw our way. We must be allowed to grieve without the numbness caused by medication. Grief is a process which needs to be gone through. I don’t mean to come across as holier than thou but I honestly agree with your decision to not visit the doctor.
Regards Christmas, I go away for the whole week. Me and my husband started going away after the kids had left home so I’ve simply continued. It works for me.
I hope your family can soon learn how to support you in your grief but it won’t be easy. Sometimes all we need is a listening ear, not advice or platitudes thrown at us. I said on another post how someone simply placed their hand on my arm and how that gesture spoke a thousand words. We simply need comfort.