@Deb5 Hi love you are right . It hits even when we are out trying to be social . The pain is always there . No one knows unless they have lost a partner like we have
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Hi @Jol not heard from you for a while , hope youre ok ? And yeh it does hit you when youre out. That pain is truly awful isnt it ? The pain of loss and i dunno if it gets worse because in some ways it seems to do ? I think i feel more at sea now than i did at beginning in some ways ? Because the numbness and shock have gone and we have to try live a life … i find the only time i have comfort is with kind people and there are kind people out there its just finding them. On this site for example i have found kindness and i have some kind friends who live near me … thank goodness for them hey xxx
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What a beautiful poem and heartfelt post. I too find people asking are you ok difficult as I can tell by the look on their faces (not everyone ) that their eyes glaze over when you tell them how you are really feeling which is incredibly sad traumatised lost lonely and finding it hard to find the true feeling of joy. I almost feel like putting a sign around my neck when I go out to say dont ask me how I am or am I ok unless you really want to know. So sometimes I just make comments like plodding along , its hard not easy etc where I find people seem relieved at the answer. To friends who have experienced loss and bereavement I can open up to my true feelings . My husband of 47 years passed away in Sur Ryder hospice in January after being in GRH for operation to remove rectal cancer where alot of things went wrong and he suffered so much pain and trauma over 5 months. This was his third lot of cancer he was very brave to the end. People cant get it {unless they have experienced it}that it isnt just about grief and loss its coping with the mental and physical exhaustion watching someone that you love and have spent alot of your life with suffer and fight the battle that he lost. I dont feel that my life will ever be the same again but hope that it will be ok ish in the future . I am begining slowly to accept invitations to go places but find it difficult when people are talking about stupid trivialities. Life is short and precious fate has been unkind to you and others using this site . I wish that eventually we can see a slight glimmer of light in this very dark and lonely tunnel.
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Never related to something as much since I lost my only love 8 weeks ago. 
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@Deb5 yes I am okay my love . I didn’t see you on posts I saw for a while . I am muddling through this life . It’s approaching a year . I plan to go away for this first one xx
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Do you ? Good on you ! Where to ? I dont blame you tbh. Muddling through too … so hard isnt it and people dont really help do they - you know the ones who not been through all this awfulness 
xxx
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@Deb5 i have only a couple of friends . Family and other friends avoid me and I am not that hard to be with . I will find new ones I recon lol . I haven’t booked yet . Anywhere in the sun will do xxxx
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Yeh i think new friends is best. Your old friends don’t really understand do they ? I don’t get people anymore. I used to do. I cant work out where theyre coming from half the time ? I mean do they think we’re made of steel or something ? I cant sleep cos somebody has made me fuming tonight. Not from on here though … X
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@UnityMan you’ve chimed with something I’ve been thinking about. We have lots of HR initiatives in my workplace addressing diversity, inclusivity etc but no one talks about death or should I say grief? I’ve got this growing itch, and it may come to nothing, to actually do a piece for the workplace internal magazine on the topic. Not a technical grief process description but an insight on those who are grieving silently. It also might encourage people to have conversations about the topic, at work or at home. I’m not advocating your place of employment should be a vehicle for change, too many will say that’s not the role of the Company - but, what is a Company if not simply a group of humans living their life and all the challenges it brings.
Now I haven’t thought this through, I’ve simply hit the keyboard with a stream of semi-conscious thought sparked by @UnityMan 's wonderful piece because it reminded me - until this happens to you, until you have lost your soul mate you don’t get it fully but maybe education, conversation etc could be a helpful starting place?
I’d welcome your thoughts, I won’t be offended if you think I’m about to hit my head against a brick wall. Kevin
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Sounds like a good idea. Human resources are about humans, and as humans we go through all sorts of things and grieving is a part of life. I think i didnt realise how terrible this process called grieving is but now i totally understand the consequences, ive as they say got the t shirt!! I think until you go through this people dont understand, it may help people to be more aware and care for their work colleagues in this situation. Im not good at explaining but i hope you know where im coming from. Thanks xxx
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I think it’s a wonderful idea. I have reflected a great deal on the reality of where I found myself so unexpectedly 14 months ago. I realise that I never reacted as perhaps I should have over recent years when friends and associates of mine have been bereaved…but until you get here you don’t know and can’t know. I am retired so fortunately do not have to address the burden of returning to work…but I shudder at the thought of that and don’t know what I would do or how I would handle it. I suspect your chances of any success with HR would be limited but I wish you best of luck and my thoughts go out to anyone having to deal with the problem of returning to the working environment.
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@Deb5 i wondered why you were still up . I hope you are ok today . I don’t know why people are so inconsiderate and unkind to us . I spoke to one of a family’s neighbours and she was lovely . She had lost her partner years ago but she was so considerate . I was up late as I wore the wrong footwear to the gig and my feet were still hurting xxxx
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Hi unityman, that was beautiful & exactly right. I hope you’re as ok as you can be & take care. Thanks for sharing that X
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I just say " I am getting there". People just accept that and then I don’t have to say anything else. I have so many friends that have been widowed in the past couple of years. I talk to them more. I am also going to a bereavement coffee morning once a fortnight . I seem to just listen to other people’s journeys. There are people feeling far worse than I.
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Do you think. I dunno 16 months on i still feel crap about it all ! I miss my husband so much. I miss having a partner and i dont really know if i will ever get used to it
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Chin up Deb,I don’t think you will need to get used to it as my crystal ball has a strange glow to it just now. 
I know it’s tough right now and you are in my thoughts,take care.
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Thank you @miker … what do you mean ? Lol
… no im really sad atm. So fed up of living alone … i hate it … everything seems hard atm …
Just life feels hard and im sure the sun has made it worse. How can you enjoy nice weather when you feel so rubbish x
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I also hate living alone and not having that special person in my life. I always had a boyfriend since I was 14, apart from 21 months of lockdown when I was climbing the walls. It is unnatural to live like this.
I can’t imagine replacing Steve though.
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Yeh i agree it is unnatural to be living alone … it doesnt suit me at all ! I same always had a boyfriend from being a teenager … and i still miss my husband but also i hate living alone too and having a partner like everybody else ;( xx
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I think loneliness is the worst part, nobody to talk normal everyday things to, to have someone with you when you feel ill or when things go wrong at home.
I miss him hogging the tv remote and then falling asleep holding it…
These are the silly things that we all miss that make it hard for anyone else to understand how you are feeling.
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