I feel the same. Its 10 weeks ago but seems like 10 years, the thought of being on my own for maybe years fills me with dread. Im 74 in a couple of weeks, my mum is still alive at 99, i dont want to live that long, in a care home etc. I just miss him so much, yes he had his foibles so do i, but thats the rich tapestry of marriage but ive called my son by my husbands name a few times yesterday, which worries me, i think my minds going?
5 Likes
Yes the simple things u miss for sure 
xx
2 Likes
Aw … probably cos you got a lot on your mind xxxx
1 Like
Yes agree with all the above, having had that person in your life for so may years, it is an utter nightmare trying to keep going. I have to keep plodding on, and do so. Thought after this length of time i would have found my purpose, but suppose being with someone for the majority of you life is certianly difficult to adjust. Just know i was blessed meering her so young, and for that i am truely grateful.
6 Likes
What I still struggle with is the fact I’ll not see my wife again, living a life living without her just seems empty and wrong? It’s the small things as someone said but ultimately it’s the loss of sharing your life with someone who knows you better than you do.
7 Likes
Yes…that’s it in a nutshell. Whether you believe in an afterlife or not…it won’t bring them back. So thier life is finished …and so is mine…cept…I’m still here…no answer …paradox 
7 Likes
@UnityMan
There is such a deep profound sadness around those words “their life is finished”, even though we know death is final it is hard to believe it because we cling on to there being an afterlife, when we get to see them again and even if there was it would never be the same as their life here on earth with us. I ask myself everyday what is my purpose now for being here? I always thought I would go first, don’t know why I just did. Does anyone think the strongest one survives? Or is it purely fate?
2 Likes
I believe our lives are mapped out, our journey is set & no matter what we do or don’t do it’s already planned, as it were. When our time is up, it’s up. That’s just what i’ve always believed. Who knows whether i’m right or wrong, we’ll never know i guess. It’s just awful, all of it & we all muddle through, one way or another. Life goes on, whether we like it or not, it stops for no one.
I think ‘who goes first’ is sadly just a roll of the dice, there is no fairness, no logic just sadness for those left behind. However looking solely at my situation my wife burned so brightly she ingrained her qualities of love, fun, friendship and kindness into me, my son and those she connected with. She survives in a different way, I catch myself thinking what would she do and use that to help me decide. My head is full of memories, painful at the time of writing, but nonetheless memories of a life lived brightly by her despite being burdened with illness. Although I’m at heart a logical engineer to trade I have faith that we will be reconnected, it won’t be as it was here on earth but in a way that will only become apparent when it is time. Now as for what my purpose is until that event happens, yep I’m struggling. I think that is a ‘hidden danger’, of being without purpose and may well be an underlying factor behind those statistics suggesting widowers having a more limited life than would be expected. We are coming together to share our pain, our challenges, even our minor successes and you know what I think that is our collective first step. If we can find a personal purpose, one that fills a corner of our life I believe we could all contribute in a special and unique way only those unburdened by the fear of death can. I write that as a conscious train of thought and not as someone who has got this cracked. I remain paralysed by my loss, she was my sun and I was her moon. I reflected the light she emitted and that has now fallen dark so I am lost. It is time for bed and another day closer to my final goodbye to my wife - I’m dreading it, it scares me but I know that not long after she will be home with me. Love to all and goodnight.
7 Likes
KMCG such wonderful words of love .
3 Likes
Just trying to cheer you up really.I do feel for you and wish that something or even someone would come along and help you with the intense loneliness. I’m like you,I rattle around what I used to call a happy home and even on a better day I’m always on that edge where just a thought or seeing Jackie’s photo or anything just brings the tears and questions of why us.
We used to love the sun having spent 11 years living in Spain,always looked forward to Summer but now the thought of it is just unbearable. I’m not selfish and I don’t begrudge anyone their happy life but when I see people laughing and joking and the little place I live by the sea so busy it drives home that I’m alone and probably will be for however many years I have left.
So yes,just trying to make you smile because you never know if someone is around the corner looking for you,it won’t be your husband sadly but who knows what might happen ???
You are in my thoughts and best wishes. xx
7 Likes
Thanks @miker thats nice of you. Not sleeping tonight are you ? Long story - yeh i know be nice if someone came along as i do miss having a partner ! All my bloody family are married so it feels like crap i haven’t got my husband anymore its rotten isnt it , living alone ! No fun at all !! We used to have such laughs … i miss laughing x
6 Likes
@KMCG thats it in a nutshell . When you have lost such an amazing person who loved you with every fibre of your being it’s such a loss .
5 Likes
…I honestly don’t know what to think anymore…nothing makes any sense to me now…
5 Likes
@UnityMan hang in there, we’re all struggling to find a grip on this but keep talking / posting - we’re absolutely in this together.
6 Likes
I relate to this. Now I am 75 I get very anxious about health issues. I find mental and physical health are linked and am finding it difficult doing every day things now. I need someone to talk to when things go wrong - which happens more now than they did when he was alive!. I cannot bear being on my own. I have never liked my own company.
7 Likes
I was just looking at your post and noticed you live in northwich … my sister used to live in sandbach and now lives in Congleton i.think ? Heck i forgotten but think its there xx
2 Likes
Its my husbands birthday today and not one of my children have rung to see how I am. I am starting to feel as if I am a burden to them. Life is so hard when you are alone.
10 Likes
Punto, so sorry you feel that way & i wish i could say something to make you feel better but i can’t. Families are funny things & not always the best. Not an excuse but people get mixed up in their own busy lives & then forget things like this. I hope you are as ok as you can be. Just take each day hour by hour & plod on. You aren’t alone 
1 Like
Aw … well none of my kids got in touch on his 1st anniversary and i was really upset , but we did go for a meal on his first birthday - but only cos i paid for it and tbh they were ok then. Lol … why dont you text them about their dads birthday - maybe they forgot ? x
2 Likes