So my husbands ashes are being brought today in a ‘scatter tube’… I cant get my head around any of it. How just 4 eeks ago I was massaging his poor swollen feet and we were drinking wine and watching Frasier and now he is being delivered like some macabre Amazon parcel…
What is it all about?
After crying every day I have now gone ‘numb’… Maybe it is the brains way of protecting you from the utter illogical lunacy of it all…
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It’s is so painful and bizarre, I collected my husbands ashes last week, I had to get a train and a bus there to collect him and then the same back. I sat there on the train with him on my lap and it was so surreal. I thought how can he, my fabulous husband, be in this small heavy box, my mind just can’t fathom it, even now. I’m glad he is back in his home but it’s all so very wrong and painful. 
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I like your words @Katiemarylucy1 - ‘utter, illogical lunacy.’ That’s just what it is. It is more than four years since my husband passed away and I still think, “how can this be?” What the hell happened? Here one minute, gone the next. I still shake my head in disbelief. A man who was ‘as fit as a fiddle’ wiped out. ‘Utter, illogical lunacy’ indeed. I’m sorry for all that you’re going through. You too @Lilyboost. I hope having your husband back home, albeit in a different form, can give you some comfort.
Love to you both. xx
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Your words are do apt in describing how we all feel. Nine of it seems to make sense. The one thing that I hold close to my 
is that we are all grieving so much because we were blessed with true love. A love that was so deep that the emptiness is now like a slow torture some days.
I also have my husbands ashes under my bed. I lost him D5th Decrmber 2020. I scattered some on his birthday in February on his rose garden and then a little more on Valentines Dsy ( when we met). I’m going with the rest next month to the village where we used to live until 2015 when we had to move for my health reasons as it was very remote ( Scotland). I’m both looking forward & dreading the trip but I know in many ways it’s what my husband would have wanted. I know I will then never return. I also had a ring made with some of his ashes plus a tiny little urn which I keep on my dressing table. I wear the ring everyday but carry him in my wherever I go. I do believe that we’ll always have tears but also believe that through time the memories will be of the good times and the Rae hurt will be replaced by loving memories. 
I have an A4 notepad where I regularly write letters to my lovely husband . It really helps me and their will be instructions for them to be cremated with me when my time comes.
It is so strange isn’t it, having them back with you but in such a strange way. I was certain I would be fine and would know what I wanted to do with his ashes but when they arrived I think his death hit me more than the day he’d actually died. And now I can’t decide what I want to do. It would have been our 36th wedding anniversary tomorrow and I was determined to scatter them but now, at this moment, I just can’t.
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Hello Lilyboost
Thank you for replying to my post…
I am so sorry to hear that you had to get a train and a bus to collect your husband, and bring him home. Of course it was surreal for you. That is how I feel, my wonderful, funny, intelligent witty husband in what looks like a very posh bottle bag, (which he would laugh at, as he did enjoy a glass of wine or two)! …but you are right…it is so wrong, and so painful. I thought it would bring a bit of comfort but it has had the reverse effect really. Hoping this might change…
Sending love to you x
Hello Crazy Kate.
Thank you for replying to my post .
I feel the same as you, although I have only just started on this painful path.
In December this year my husband was a completely different man.
Then came a dreaded fall at home at the beginning of the last Lockdown and so began his slow demise. As you say, how can someone just physically disappear?
No wonder we have such trouble trying to fathom it out…
I am not religious, but do so envy those who find comfort in religion. At least it brings some answers.
Sending love to you …
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Hello Jacaladh
Thank you for replying to my post.
I was really moved by some of the things you said.
I think it is so lovely that you are scattering your husbands ashes in the places he loved.
I know what you mean about ‘looking forward’, and at the same time ‘dreading’ your trip.
You are very brave and have inspired me to go back to some of the places my husband loved to do the same.
Also the idea of writing letters to your husband is so powerful. You must feel close to him in some way by doing this.
I hope that as you say, time will help ease the pain, and treasured memories will help to replace the tears.
Sending love to you, and hoping that your trip to Scotland will help you more than you know…
xx
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see reply below Jacaladh
sorry…I mean reply above Jacaladh xx
Hello Anita…
Thank you so much for replying to my post.
I do hope that you have coped as best that you can today on your 36th wedding anniversary.
I know exactly what you mean when you said how much it hit you when your husbands ashes were brought back.
For some reason I thought it would bring comfort, but it didn’t, and the day was awful.
I keep telling myself that this small package is not my husband. It is nothing to do with the spiritual part of him.
It sounds as though maybe it is too soon for you to think about what to do?
Maybe consider what another lady who replied to my post ( Jacaladh) did and scatter your lovely husbands ashes at different times, and in different places.
But only when you are ready to?
I wish I had not asked for them to be returned to me, but then my husband did have a specific request for where they were to be scattered…
Oh it is so very hard, and my heart goes out to you today.
Sending love to you
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Thank you. It has been a tough day. I think you’re right maybe I’m just not ready yet & I think it will be a good idea to scatter them in different places. Xx
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Thank you for your kind words. I’ll let you all know how my trip plays out when I return at end of November. 
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Thank you Jacaladh…
I will be thinking of you in November.
My husbands birthday is in that month, …we will get through it…
Take care
x
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I know how you feel,I lost my dear wife last week to cancer and I am devastated beyond control.
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Know how you feel hunny my hubby passed in our shower on the 11-07-21 10 days before our 20th wedding anniversary and ive only just got the door fixed where the ambulance crew kicked the panel to get to him but i know how you feel and the day before i was going to the funeral parlour for the last time i was verbally attacked by a family member and i sit here crying and wanting him back and im always here for anybody who wants to talk
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I’m so sorry mazzy that’s so awful, and as for the family member, well some people have no heart. I understand how you must feel, my husband died suddenly in our bed 8 weeks ago , our 20th wedding anniversary is next month, the same day as my birthday and I really don’t know how I shall make it though the day. When the coroner was taking him out the front door they broke the little panel under the door frame, it is still there broken on my door mat, I keep thinking I need to fix that, such a tiny strip of plastic can cause so much pain and bring back horrid thoughts and images in a flash, sending hugs x
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My thoughts are with all of you at this time. It’s so hard to have the ashes of the person you love.
I have taken the ashes to our favourite places in the uk and buried some at home in her favourite flower bed.she loved gardening. She loved life. The hardest was going back to our honeymoon hotel in Majorca and spreading some ashes on the beach.we we’re married 38 years and it seems like yesterday. She died on the 22nd April and it seems like yesterday.
I still miss her every day. I’m still devastated and hate this new life.
Take care everyone
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Awww sorry hunny for your loss too as i feel so lost alone empty and he was my strength and just holding me in his arms made me cry with love cause i only felt loved and strong with his arms round me and it was 3 months ago and i cant do this as wetroom floor has been replaced as when he fell in shower he pulled all floor out and then the guy came with new door but i just caught site of him taking the old door past front room as a bungalow and it triggered me with the funeral home carring my baby out on a stretcher body bag type thing they use and the ambulance crew laid him on our bed till funeral guys took him and i havent slept in our bed since the day before alans death the 10/july/21 they pulled him out the wetroom on the shower curtain to right in front of my front door as bungalow small and cause i was on his esa claim i had to go to job centre to claim universal credit and cause they took so long im now in debt of over £1000 rent and never had any money at all for over a month as lived on the change from sunlife we both took out when i was 49yrs old and now 52yrs old and i cant do this as have no friends as such with visiting and im one of 10 kids and some came to alans funeral and as soon as that was over havent seen any but im so lonely i want physical like face to face friends to have a coffee go shopping as havent been able to for 24yrs as i love and miss my husband so much but he was controlling to the point that everybody left me when we got together cause of the way he dictated how i dress think and who i see but so now im in a mind set that its all different as i was only 28yrs old when we met and so he is all ive know emotionally and mentally so feel dirty and no good and drs dont care
Hi sweetheart… I totally know how you feel… My husband suddenly went yellow and foaming at the mouth in front of my children on the 19th August 2021 … I’d just left for work… He was 56, fit and very active… As I left for work he had a MASSIVE heart attack, leaving our 16yr old doing CPR on him in the garden… I managed to get home as he was rushed into the ambulance… I was taken down to the hospital directly behind him in a police van on blues and twos… And he had gone by the time we arrived at the hospital… Now he sits in a grey box on top of my draws… I go from crying to numb to feeling angry then I just feel ill… We had just arrived back off a beautiful holiday with my 2 youngest boys (I have 5 children)… I can’t make sense of it all… I have to try and keep my head to deal with it… I’m scattering his ashes 30th October in the place he used to take me for dates… Wed take a picnic and do the same walk as I loved it… Such a beautiful place, so peaceful… I’m trying my best to live and keep going but I feel like one day I will wake up and it will all have been a bad nightmare and he’s actually fast asleep next to me… But in reality I know that’s not true
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