Ashes

I scattered my husband ashes on Sunday , almost 5 months since he died. His children and grandchildren came and we all said a few words before. I scattered his ashes and our dogs who I recently had put to sleep . Before he died we had discussed were we wanted this to be, our local nature reserve a minutes walk away. But since I’ve been feeling so upset. I didn’t expect to miss having his ashes around, they were kept on the sideboard since he died. I know it was only ashes so why is it so hard.

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Dear Wendy

I have booked a cottage for the family so that we can scatter my husband’s ashes in one weeks time. As the day approaches I find myself wondering if I am doing the right thing. After being married 38 years my husband would be the one I would bounce off ideas and now I have no one. If I ask the kids they just say do what you feel you have to do.

My husband’s ashes are in the wardrobe and bring me no comfort I’m afraid to say.

My husband never discussed where he wanted his ashes scattered. I am taking them to the beach that I had always said I wanted to be placed and therefore that is what I have decided to do. It is a beach where we spent family holidays and hopefully it is a perfect spot.

I think it is hard because it is the final act of letting go.

Hi,
I lost my wife in March and I have her ashes on her dresser. I don’t believe I will ever be able to do anything with them. I already ordered the same urn for myself and told my son that I would like to be next to his mother in death as I was in life, but after I am gone it is up to him. I know that what you decide to do is as personal as the entire grieving process but I can’t let go myself. My wife died so suddenly and unexpectedly that I still can’t even wrap my head around it.

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My husband’s ashes will stay with me until I join him and we are put together.

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Hi,
I agree with that very much. My friend who died in January was worried about his parents ashes because they were in his Florida house and he wanted them with his when he died and it’s one of the things I have to deal with on top of everything else and Probate court is so slow.

I am also keeping my husbands ashes and the children have been told to scatter them with mine when i go iv told them where .i can’t bare to let them go .

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Dear John9

We scattered the ashes on Sunday last. Next to the funeral the most difficult day of my life. The first part mist had descended on the beach but then the sun came out and we were able to spend sometime on the beach alone and then together as a family group. We placed red roses in the sea and over the next few days red rose petals came back to the shore line. Life remains unbearable. Where my heart once was is now just a gapping hole which will never heal until I am reunited with my husband.

Like your wife my husband died suddenly. At points on the day it did feel as if I was looking in on someone else’s life, that mine could not possibly have ended in such tragic circumstances and that my world had come crashing down around me.

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Me and my husband have said we want to be cremated. We have also said to scater them when we both are gone as we would want to be together, so i would say its fine. Do what you think is right for you, whatever helps you.

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I have my twin sisters and my daughters ashes, My daughter passed in March this year. Both wished to be scattered and I have looked into it. Did you know how harmful ashes are to the environment? I didn’t. My daughter wanted to be put in a hole and have a tree planted over her (we affectionately call it Grooting as she was a huge fan of Groot). I emailed the Woodland Trust about scattering ashes and they told me of a ‘safe’ wooded area to scatter her ashes.

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Agree with Nicci, do what you feel is right. You don’t have to justify anything to anyone

James x

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The ashes decision was luckily not mine. As a Roman Catholic our ashes can’t be scattered, split, kept at home, divided etc. So they can only be buried in a cemetery or in a columbarium. So after my husband died on 22nd Jan, his funeral was on 9th of Feb and his ashes were buried on the 5th March. I find it a huge comfort all his family know where his grave is and I visit and lay fresh roses every Saturday. I did arrange for locks of his hair to be clipped and they are in the stone of my ring, and 3 lockets, mine. Daughter and granddaughter. I have a big frame of photos and we have a tribute site in his memory. One day after I’m cremated I will join him and the stone updated.

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My mum passed away 05.04.20 I still have her ashes :broken_heart: I will never scatter them until I pass then my daughters have been told what to do …they sit in her room with beautiful flowers and angels :innocent:

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My hubby died suddenly 4 months ago and I have his ashes here at home….our son died 18 yrs ago come September….he is in a lovely woodland cemetery….and my intention was to put hubby with him…but I can’t so my family know to put us both with our son when I go…

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I am keeping my husbands ashes and our children know to scatter them with mine when that time comes.

I have Valerie’s ashes.
She passed 12/04/2021, her birthday.
I will scatter them with her mothers ashes on 12/04/2022.
This is Valerie’s request.

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My partner died 11 weeks ago we never discussed what he wanted me to do with his ashes so I have them by the TV in our lounge i think he would be happy there as he loved the telly. It does bring me some comfort having him with me I don’t think i could bear to part with them.

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It’s difficult to know what to do if you have never had the conversation isn’t it? I think you have made the right decision as you seem content with it. I’ve put my husbands ashes in our bedroom on his side of the room. I’ve told my children to scatter them with mine eventually.

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I have my husbands ashes in an urn shaped like a motorcycle helmet. In the day time He sits on the cabinet in our front room, at night I take him to bed with me and I do cuddle it, it brings me great comfort. I haven’t had it sealed properly as I want my ashes to be mixed with his and then scattered at our favourite race track. I still have all his clothes in his drawers and wardrobe, also his shaving foam, toothbrush and deodorant in the bathroom, I can’t bear to part with any of his stuff. His motorbike is still in the garage, he told me to sell it but I’m not ready to let it go. It will be 10 weeks tomorrow since he passed and I love and miss him so much, I don’t think I’ll ever part with any of his stuff.

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Dear Lilt96 10 weeks is no time at all and if you find comfort in keeping his things then so be it. My husband passed away in February and I still have left his things in the drawers & wardrobe. With the exception of a few items given to my sons & Grandsons everything is still in place. I don’t know when I will be ready to sort them out but there’s no rush. I guess I don’t want to remove them as its like erasing him completely. Take care. X

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Its nice to hear im not the only one to take my husbands ashes to bed and back down in the morning i always kiss him and tell him i love him before i go to work .its been nearly 9months i havent parted with anything his slipper snd coats are still in the hall im not ready to except his going .everyone has to do what helps them get through the day .

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