I have my husband’s ashes at home in a beautiful box and it brings me a lot of comfort. The idea is that we will be scattered together when the time comes. Others say I should scatter him now so that he is free. What are your opinions please. I am so confused.
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Do what you want it’s got to be your decision.
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Agree with @LyndaK don’t let others tell you what you should do - this is your journey and must do what feels right for you.
You can’t unscatter the ashes, so make sure you’re definitely ready
After I scattered the ashes, I held some back to keep, so I still symbolically have some of her with me always
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Hello, I have my husbands ashes at home & have done for 4 years, I don’t feel the need to scatter them at all, he is home where he wanted to be, we will be scattered together.
When people say so he can be free? To me he’d be alone in a cold world, no he’ll stay with me.
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Keep them as long as you want. I still have both my parents at home, dad died 3 years ago and mum 6 weeks ago. Their ashes are in nice wooden boxes with name plates on top xx
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Thank you so much for your comments. I feel happy he as home with me so I will keep him there until it is my turn too. He is in a lovely box with a lovely inscription. I always have flowers next to him and his photo. Also a candle. It brings me comfort. Thank you again for your opinions. X
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I have my husband’s ashes he wanted to go around a big oak tree at the crematorium with his dog’s ashes but my bereavement councillor told me to wait until I was ready because if I did it now I’d regret it and I will know the right time when I’m ready you all take care and I wish you well
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Vicky R
Only you can decide and take your time with this. I have my husbands at home I do sometimes think is it right for him to be co rained in this way, even though we will be mixed together when my time ends .
We talked about it the week of his death , and it gave him a little comfort to know that even though he was going first I would be joining him.
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My partner passed 3 months ago to brain cancer I have his ashes in a beautiful vase urn which is suitable for 2 people. When it’s my turn my children know to put us together 
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I brought my husbands ashes home a couple of days ago. The only thing we had time to decide before he passed was that we wanted to be scatteted together. Im going to find something beautiful to hold him until we can be reunited. Do what you feel is right, and in your own time.
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free fromwhat? silly statement for someone to say. my hubby is in a box that my son made on his laser with all the things dave liked and did, like pool, mechanic, cars etc and he sits on the shelf at the top of the stairs, it has a little padlock on it, its lovely and is surrounded by his dog ornaments that he collected.
to me scattering ashes is throwing the person away.
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I collected my wife’s ashes as soon as I could after the funeral as I couldn’t stand them being at the funeral directors (lovely though they were). Got each of us a small scatter tube each as well as a big one and when I am ready I will scatter my small tube on our favourite beach in Northumberland and then refill it and scatter more when we are away or feel like it
We loved travelling and going away so it feels right that her ashes are not just in one place. Not right for everyone but we all deal with this in our own way.
In all honesty I will probably keep a small tube at home, on her side of the bed
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The scattering or interring, or even lack thereof, of the ashes should be in accordance with the deceased’s wishes out of honour and respect.
If there wasn’t clear instructions, the partner knows the person best and should be one to make a judgement call.
Annoys me when other people get involved and want what they want and not what the deceased wanted - disrespectful to their legacy.
The timing of the scattering or interring should be left to the partner - I doubt anyone was given a specific time frame of when this should happen, just what their wishes were.
Don’t be pressured into doing it before you’re ready - it can’t be undone
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No … you go what you want with them ! Why do people interfere ? He was your husband not theirs ! Ive got my husbands ashes in my house too … cant do anything with them … makes me too sad and i like him being near me xx
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Hi MemoriesOfUs my husband knew exactly where he wanted his ashes to go when he passed, at the crematorium is a very big oak tree and every time I took my mum flowers he said ‘that’s where I want me and my dog to go’ and that’s where he’s going but as you said also and my bereavement councillor said the same not till I know I’m ready and when the time is right I will know you all take care
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My husband said he didnt want to be alone so he is with me in a lovely box nd when my time comes ive asked me daughter to mix us together and scatter us so somewhere so we will be together
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For nearly two years my husbands ashes were on his bedside table. I then bought a lovely bird table for the garden and after speaking with my sons we placed him in a container underneath. He loved the garden and loved watching the birds so know we have done the right thing. We place flowers there on special occasions and I talk to him all the time. The grandchildren make pictures for him and it’s perfect for the whole family.
Everyone should do what they feel is right there are no hard fast rules. Take your time and suddenly you will know what to do and when to do it.
Much love
Georgina
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@MemoriesOfUs you made a really good point there which is the person who knows you the best is in the best position to know what to do with ashes . I know my partner believed that his ashes would simply not be him any more . He understood my wish for both our ashes to be buried/ interred together because it feels important to me . When his mum died her ashes were scattered in a place that wasn’t particularly meaningful to Baz but that was his mum’s choice . She did specify what she wanted. Like you say once scattered it can’t be undone .
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@Deb5 lots if people feel like this don’t they . Can’t bear to be parted from ashes . I will be very sad when I finally decide what to do with Baz’ . It’s an awful time isn’t it . xxx
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@Deb5 this might be quite strange but my gorgeous man’s ashes are still at the funeral directors, because of safety . I have been living in rented accommodation, moved to somewhere that didn’t feel particularly secure etc and I am so afraid that he won’t be safe in my temporary accommodation I’ve left him to be looked after in the funeral home . When I’m ready , I have decided to inter his ashes in the garden of remembrance where my mum is . Up until now , I’ve not been ready . It feels so sad putting him into the cold ground . He didn’t have any wishes on this other than wherever I inter him would be close to me ( he was from a different area) . When my time is up , I’ve specified that I want to be interred in the same plot so we will be together forever. So 2 similar people with completely different ideas and wishes and like @MemoriesOfUs has said above , as I knew him best I would know his wishes . I’m getting to the point where I will be ready to see his name engraved on a memorial stone . Xxx
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