at a loss

I can’t believe you just posted that I just looked at the clock and thought exactly the same thing!
How are you feeling today?

Great minds think alike lol.
Been for my blood test so have to wait for the results next.
The nurse told me the gov is testing for everything eg kidneys,liver,thyroid and cancer markers as I had cancer 5 yrs ago.
Am worried but I am trying to switch off from it because it’s all out of my control.
We are having work done in the garden so am home as sorting out a few things to do with that. It keeps me busy.
Got up too early this morning bso now I feel tired out and it’s only 3 pm.
Tomorrow I have a foot clinic appointment. I am slowly trying to get myself sorted.
I have got into habit of sitting every afternoon and watching something trivial like A place in the Sun. I can’t concentrate on much lately so I tend to watch something easy. I love watching the show in different countries and it transports my mind for a while.
I am going out tomorrow to look for bathroom tiles so that will be a change.
What time do you finish work?
You may be home already.
Keep going with small steps.
If it gets really bad just write a daily list of to do jobs. Just easy things so at the end of the day you can tick the jobs off and get a sense of satisfaction.
I have these on my list for tom - visit a friend for a catch up and lunch, buy some cosmos plants, do a small food shop, pay money into the bank and make and batch cook chilli con carne.
Just some trivial things on my list but if it helps me who cares.
Catch up later
Deborah x

Just finished and trying not to retreat straight to my bed.

Hi Olive,
Try to hang on and get into a better sleep routine if you can.
Well done on today.
I am going to have a pamper evening tonight.
Deborah x

i hope you enjoyed your pamper evening, i manged to walk then took to my bed.
I’m just on auto pilot I mange to function for the working day and cannot do anything outside of that.
I think I am sinking into depression so trying not to give in completely to it. no one wants to hear it really so all I can do is just carry on.

Hi Olive,
Yes had a nice bath last night dyed my hair and did a few beauty things lol
Felt better after it .
Thats all you can do is go into auto pilot mode , get through the day then rest.
If the depression gets very bad go to your GP again and ask for something to help you.
You are doing all you can so keep going.
Am off out in the car for a spin this afternoon. Change of scenery will help I am sure.
Our mums were strong so we need to be like them. I know its hard going because I am struggling so much too. But I know my mum would be upset if she saw me like this so I am trying to be strong too.
I have my list for today and am working my way through it. Have done everything on it except meet my friend and do the cooking so am chuffed.
I will be back on here later tonight
Deborah x

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i made it through the day and i am off tmrw thank goodness, now to collapse.
i hope the drive and the meet up went well.

I went out but didn’t manage to meet my friend. She cancelled so we will try to arrange something next week.
Feel exhausted tonight.
First time using my mobile tonight. Thought I would have a mobile phone free day as it sort of takes over the day. It was lovely to switch off.
I am just chilling catching up with emails at the mo and messages
You are doing so well Olive.
Keep plodding on
Deborah x

a plod is even hard at the moment i am trying not to give into depression.

Hi Olive,
Sorry only now checking this site.
Have to phone the doc tom re blood results and i am worried sick so feeling very down tonight so am no use to anyone tonight .
Will be in touch tom
Deborah x

Sending hugs Deborah - thinking of you :heart:

Thinking of you too, Deborah!


all love x

Aww thank you girls so much . I am feeling so down tonight but your messages have cheered me up. I am thinking the worst I know but I had cancer 5 years ago so always worry something will reappear via a blood test.
I panic something terrible waiting for results of any kind after what I went through. I went out this afternoon so wasn’t home when the phone call came so now have to wait until the morn.
How you can be so strong one minute then a mess the next.
Thank you and love to you all too
Deborah x

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I’ll be crossing everything for you - fingers, legs, eyes - you name it! :crossed_fingers:

Hi Deborah- just seen your post on another thread that you cant get an appointment today. So sorry to hear that, please take care of yourself in the meantime and try not to worry (easier said than done, I know) :people_hugging::people_hugging::people_hugging:

Hi Ally,
Aw thanks . I phoned but nothing today and I suppose tom is good especially for my surgery bec getting an appointment is like finding gold. I have to wait until tom but I don’t feel well at all today do am in bed. I am exhausted all the time and have swollen glands and neck so I will wait until tom and pop up to see the doc tom afternoon. It’s raining such a lot today so maybe it’s for the best.
I am a terrible worrier when it comes to results. I am always in a state. The waiting is worse.
My mum always faced her results with such strength even when she had cancer . We were both diagnosed with cancer within 6 weeks of one another and both went through major surgery but she was my inspiration.
I am trying to be so like her.
How are you today?
Do you work?
Whatever you are going keep going .
Deborah x

I can totally understand why you’d worry, im glad youve not got to wait all weekend- hopefully they can put your mind at rest.

Im doing so so, thanks for asking - no im not working at the moment i lost my job whilst i was caring for mum, so thats another big scarey thing i have to face as well as selling the house - getting back on the job market! My confidence is at an all time low and i can only function a few hours a day at present, so im living off my savings which is also a worry. Ive been for a counselling session today which means my mind may be racing tonight!

I hope you manage to get some sleep and feel a bit better in the morning. I’ll be thinking of you tomorrow- youve been so incredibly supportive and encouraging to so many people on this site, you deserve some positive news :people_hugging:

Thank you Ally so much.
Just a thought but could you start an online business of some kind selling from home.
Or maybe a part time job for a while.
Do you live in your mum’s house at the moment? Could you move into it and sell yours if not
Just a few ideas
Deborah x

Hi Ally I am sure you have lots to offer if you go back to work. I am struggling with my return to work but once I in the routine of the day it is bearable.
I took a sleeper last night as I am in this morning, it worked but I had that feeling that all was ok for a second when I woke up just reliving the realisation that mums passing is all too real. I am not sure this ever goes away.
Positive thoughts to you both.x

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