i will start bereavement counselling on the 4th of July not sure how it will help but maybe it will?
i hope you week gets better.
A beautiful day here as the sun finally arrives, I awake I am fine all is well then the sickness in the pit of my stomach wells up it will pass as all things do.
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two months to the day that mum passed. she wasnāt supposed to die they kept saying she was medically fit then she spent six weeks dying how does that make sense .
I am at a loss I cannot do this.
Sending hugs to you 
Hi Ally how are you today, Iām just here autopilot is as good as I can mange at the moment. Its a strange emptiness
Hi Olive, yes i get that emptiness /numbness and it makes me feel uncomfortable, like somethings not right. Im a bit like that at the moment. Ive got counselling today so thats always quite draining. Its good that your counselling starts next week - it may feel odd at first talking to a stranger, but give it some time to see how you get on. It wont provide any magic solution - after all our mums are still gone 
but just talking through your thoughts and emotions helps your brain to process whats happened. And just to have your pain acknowledged and heard is a very powerful thing. What are you up to today?
I have volunteered for a housing help line so have just sorted out paperwork for that.
I have an online meeting for work , then I need to sort the car outā¦
So I have managed to get out of my pit.
I hope you counselling goes ok
I feel like I am cinstantlycarrying a burden of my own making.
Wow thats great that youre volunteering for a helpline - what made you decide to go for that? I hope your work meeting goes ok. The grief does feel like a heavy weight that we carry with us, Ive read that it doesnāt get any lighter but that our muscles get stronger over time so we can carry it easier. Not sure my muscles are there yet! 
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That is a good analogy .
The helpline is an out of hours thing for Shelter I have worked in housing and homelessness for around 20 years .
I have gone down to three days a week (off today) and also do Sat in the flower shop and other days when needed.
So with no purpose and no hobbies I have time on my hands.
Distraction.
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Good morning to everyone. I just needed to make a connection thank you.
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Morning Olive what are you up to today?
In work today just getting through
Hi, sorry for the late reply, itās been difficult for me lately, having had to take care of some practical things that brought back lots of memories.
Sounds good that you start the grief counselling soon. It will give you a chance to talk about everything and that can be helpful in itself.
Hi sorry to hear you have been struggling hopefully you have got the practical things out of the way now. It brings it all back with a jolt.
Take care
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I know it is different for all of us but I feel so isolated from the rest of the world passing me by and my life has slowed down so much since I lost mum. Itās like a different life that I donāt recognise and I donāt know who I am. Maybe itās just me?
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Hi Olive. No itās definitely not just you. My life changed completely. I also feel Iām not the same person. Outwardly to others I appear the same. But itās like my life is not real now. Difficult to put into words. Trust me, you are not alone in these feelings.
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Morning Wanderers, I just donāt know how to navigate all this, trying not to just disappear and stay in touch with life but feel I am losing that battle.
Just not sure
morning Wanderers how are you, ?
trying to steel myself for another day just 8 hrs of work to get through
hi to all breathing through the small hours listening to the radio.
Morning Olive did you manage to get some sleep?