Morning Ally, I’m not in work today, I had a couple of hours sleep but just cant make myself move . I’m not very good at this I’m afraid I so need to clean and tidy and organise tax and insurance for my car.
Thank you for your post I will move now i needed some contact.
how are you ?
Im sorry you didnt get much sleep! I know what thats like - i dont sleep great and then im trying to break in a new bed in my house and its completely hopeless! 
Not having a great day, so im hiding from the world and just crying when i need to. Good luck getting your car sorted 
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I hope today is a better day
car all sorted and left mum’s car at the garage many tears as I looked over at the passenger seat thinking of our little spins out in the car together in Feb this year.
I hide away at the end of every day sometimes I only just make it through the working day and its like i cant bare to stay upright any longer.
not working today bereavement counselling and one work appt .
have a good day
I hope your counselling goes ok - its only the first session so just be patient - it took probably 4 sessions before i started to feel a bit more comfortable.
hi my counsellor seems nice i don’t see her now until the 24th.
how are you doing?
Im glad it went ok - shame theres such a long wait till the next appointment! Im ok, my counsellor is leaving soon so i only have 2 more sessions left and dont know who I’ll get after that or whether i might have to wait, which i hope not. It would have been my mums birthday this month so theres lots of sad memories arising, and tomorrow im going shopping for her card 
mums birthday in August, bank holiday so we always went there to see her my sister called yesterday to ask about scattering mums ashes , but i im not ready yet.
And now I have a kitten not sure why not sure of anything but it will make me do things I suppose and its nice to have some life in the house.
How are you doing?
constant tears with me with no warning.
Ah thats lovely - please share a cute photo to make us all smile! 
A fur baby wont take away your pain but its a lovely thing and will hopefully give you some heartwarming moments as well as someone to snuggle up to 
Dont feel under any pressure to scatter your mums ashes yet if you dont feel ready, some people on here still have them years later! I guess you’ll know when is the right time for you.
Oh, I’m glad to hear that. It will be a distraction and someone to hug. 
I too would like to see a picture, or you could just describe the kitten if you don’t want to share a photo. I hope you’ll soon be friends!
I’m with Ally, there’s no rush with the ashes, do it when you feel ready.
Aw how adorable! 
She’s lovely! She looks long-haired,
is she? Thanks for sharing.
no she is short haired half Siamese so she talks all the time. she has helped me get up and out of bed ,
everything is making me think of mum on eol at the moment.
I have had cat before but mostly dogs for the last few decades so i keep calling her puppy dog, ironic as mum would always call the dog a cat.
and so to work i can get through 8 hrs …yes i can
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i know i should be moving on I know there is nothing to be done but four months on the guilt has settled in deep it sits with me every minute and the desolation is like a quiet cloud over me always with my dark secret beyond anything beyond comprehension. I cant speak it sorry .
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Dont put undue pressure on yourself that you should be “moving on” Olive - thats something i sometimes do when i worry am i allowing myself to wallow in self pity, but my counsellor has been very clear that you just have to accept that you are where you are - there is no timeline. Four months is still really, really early - im 8 months in and the counsellor keeps telling me how early it is! I wish there was a magic wand and i could lift your guilt from you, and lift all of our pain and sorrow, but I havent found it yet 
I hope by talking to the counsellor she may be able to help you work through your guilt and learn how to not let it overwhelm you. But i think thats a long journey. Just keep taking that one day at a time, thats all we can do
Thank you I’m trying not to burden people
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Its not burdening - we’re all in the same boat here, we all support each other 
. I’m the same because my counselling is provided by a charity and i feel guilty that the longer i carry on using their services, then someone else isnt being helped. Just post on here whenever you need - we all have ups and downs so might drop off the site for a few days but theres usually someone around who wants to chat! Ive seen you encourage and support plenty of people on this site - it ebbs and flows - some days we’re able to support others, some days we need that little bit of support ourselves
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Hi Ally how are you in this wet day I’m just a bit tearful today.
Hi Olive, Ally and Ulma,
Hope you are going as well as it’s possible and plodding on with all the ups and downs of grief. It’s so hard going isn’t it?
I saw my GP today and am being referred for a scan for the lump in my neck. I thought I would be as it’s still there. No surprise really even though I was hoping and praying it would be gone by now.
So another wait before I know anything.
Just feel so sad with worry and grief
Deborah x