Im so sorry to hear this Deborah, that after all this waiting and anxiety theres still no resolution yet. 
Sorry i didnt reply yesterday @olive3 but it was my mums birthday - the first without her, so i switched everything off. Its also the same date that she moved into this house, the date of my graduation many years ago, and my brothers wedding anniversary. So the date holds many many memories 
Hi Ally,
So much going on on one day for you. So glad itās over for you now.
I remember the year after mum passed my birthday fell on motherās day so it was a double first. Very difficult to get through.
Am just going to have to wait for the scan. Going to try to forget about it otherwise I will worry and make myself ill. I canāt do anything about it so have to face whatever when the time comes.
Love Deborah x
hi every one Im sure the anniversaries are hard i just went into Tesco after work , saw the stuff i would buy for mum and had a full on wail on the drive home . Not sure why iām crying so much atm.
Sorry you have ANOTHER wait Deborah.x
Oh, no, not another wait for you. Iām so sorry and Iāll keep all fingers crossed youāll get the scan done quickly and get a reassuring result.
Life certainly tests us in every way and this worry is the last thing you need right now.
Hi Ulma,
I know but I kind of guessed I would have to have a scan. I am praying my mum will look out for me and make everything ok
How have you been?
Deborah x
We ought to be due a break from bad things now, all of us. Iām sending hopes, as Iām not really religious, and hugs.
Every day is a struggle, as you know. Iām still here and that, I suppose, is some sort of achievement.
Hi Ulma,
Thatās all we can do is to keep going every day and carry on like they would want us to
Its so hard to do sometimes though but thankfully we have this site to be amongst friends who truly understand.
Sending love to you
Deborah x
Hi every one the sun is here
I just canāt stop crying every where all the time
Surely no tears left
Feel like Iām letting you all down.
Sorry
Why are you letting us down? Is there some checklist/timeline of where we all should be in our grief? If so then im failing miserably! Theres no judgement here - this is a space where you can just BE. Whether thats heartbroken, angry, guilty, or even a tiny bit okay, it doesnt matter - just accept you are where you are, and you will grieve in your way, in your time. Sending hugs 
Hi Olive,
You are not letting anyone down at all. In fact you are the complete opposite. Going to work, carrying on helping at the flower shop and plans for volunteering are an inspiration to us.
I cry every day also. Some days worse than others. Mumās memories are everywhere I look do and go to.
It helps to vent on here so its important to post when you feel every emotion.
Thinking of you
Deborah x
In that case Iām letting everyone down too, as I still cry pretty much every day and still feel like it only gets worse and worse. We always have that internal pressure to get better, whatever that means, because it feels like people and society expect it of us. Well, ignore them, I say, they donāt know how you feel or how any of us feel, so they donāt get to be the judge of how long itās appropriate to grieve. As Deborah said, youāre doing so much, more than I do, actually, as I havenāt been able to work. You are not letting anyone of us down.
Well said Ulma.
Its so annoying that society in general expect people who are grieving to suddenly be ok after a few weeks. It makes me so cross.
We are all different and thereās no timescale. In fact I will never get over my grief. I have somehow got to live with it beside me.
And in a strange sort of way I donāt want to get over it.
Thinking of you all
Deborah x
strange you should say that sounds ātupā as they say around here but I realised today that this wasnāt going to get better , sure I hope it will change but it will always be there and that has to be ok.
Its the tears like a martini advert any time any place any where (for people of a certain vintage) and in my case the guilt.
work work tomorrow ( i was in the shop today so that is easier) so trying to get some sleep now. you are all good people thank you
Aww Olive please believe me when I say you are doing so so well.
I cry whenever I want to and if I am out and about and cry weāll so be it. Itās the price I am paying for loving my mum so much. Everyone just accepts I cry whenever I remember something or a song comes on or if I talk about mum and they just leave me cry which is fine. In the beginning they used to fuss over me but now itās part of my day.
Love the word Twp by the way.Havent heard it got ages lol. I am originally from Carmarthen and they use it a lot there. Brought back memories!!
Sending love x
Deb x
hi everyone i woke this morning at 4.45 and everything was ok. I went back to bed and of course its not.
So time set of 7.30 to get up put the rubbish out and go to work . yes i can get through the next 8 hrs yes i can.
I hope you all enjoy the heat
Hi Olive,
You can do it!!!
Proud of you for all you do x
Deb x
Yes, you can! I believe in you!
Well I made it then I have to stay an extra hour!
Hi everyone on my feet and in the shop .
Have a good weekend
Well done Olive.
Itās so hard but you are doing so well
Deb x