That’s great. Well done! 
Hello Olive
Sorry for the loss of your Mum. But please unless you are a Specialist Dementia Consultant Psychiatrist berate yourself for getting the Dementia journey wrong. Even they do. It’s such a complex illness. I lost my Mum to Alzheimer’s, and laterally Lung Cancer. 40 weeks ago today. 2 years she was diagnosed Alzheimer’s but looking back oh isn’t hindsight a wonderful thing! we think she had it for a lot longer, as a family we thought the usual “ oh she’s getting on what can you expect” we are not experts and as I’ve already said even they don’t seem to know enough and talk vaguely about “oh we don’t know quite where she is on her journey “. We can only be good enough we are human so we are not perfect. You didn’t will fully neglect her. You were her daughter and she knew that. It is horrible to witness them returning to a baby state but I bet when you looked in her eyes you saw love shining back at you because you were once her baby and she loved you and you loved her. Grief is love turned inside out and upside down. Please go easy on yourself.luv and hugs to you all. Xx
thank you i awoke to see your message,
sorry about your mum ,
i went to sleep thinking of the should haves and woke up the same, i should have done better i know that . living with it not sure how that will be, everything everything i do i think of her. mum had carers and my sister and we had a camera, she was muddling along and not distressed , i was there weekends and for holidays, she would ask why and i would say it was our hols and we would take a drive every day. but i should have been there.
i really needed to see it desolate today i so want to skip work but i know it will be the beginning if a slippery slope if i do.
I’m sorry you are still feeling so much guilt about your decisions. You can’t help how you feel and guilt is such a common feature sadly after a bereavement. It does have to be acknowledged though and you are doing that, hard as it is. You are also being sensible and making an attempt to go back to work. I do hope.you manage that as it maybe will give you a brief , temporary distraction from the horrible feelings you are experiencing.
Luv and hugs xx
well I had a good day yesterday even though I nearly didn’t go to work, I felt almost “normal” . Today i wake up so disorientated that I didn’t know if it was morning or evening , very strange.
Yes the guilt is mine to own and I do there is no alternative.
Hi Ulma just seeing how you are going.
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Hiya
That was great you did go to work. Obviously it took its toll hence today’s feelings and all the other ones we are experiencing. I guess that’s why they call it a journey
Take it easy today.
Xx
Hi
It’s really strange this world I walk around in it whizzes by and I feel so apart from it. Numb and sad . I know there is nothing to be done and you can’t rewind and I suppose one day you get to join in again. I not asking for sympathy it’s just unlike anything that has gone before.
I am lucky I have no one relying on me and I can get by getting by not sure why.
Sorry guys managed to get through another day at work.
Hiya Olive
Yeah it’s like we are in some “parallel universe”. The rest of the world appears to be carrying on as “normal “ whilst we are falling apart and are so removed from it.
Well done getting yourself to work again.
Look after yourself
Xx
Hanging in there. Thanks for asking! 
My guilt has resurfaced lately, not sure why. It’s really hard to shake it off.
Hiya
It’s soo weird how that happens. I myself have been so angry and short tempered today after weeks of crying at everything and anything.
Take care and as you said hang on in there.
Xx
Hi Olive, I lost my mum 8 weeks ago, she was in hospital she had copd and a massive heart attack, we became close the last six years as the rest of the siblings did nt talk fell out. I became ill with a chronic condition and wish I could have done more, but I couldn’t, so we got carers in she was so independent, I just have my husband and at home with Covid as well. I do feel guilty for not being there there when she had a fall and a heart attack, but I was ill myself, it’s so hard, I was with her in hospital until she passed in front of me, it’s a struggle everyday. Thanks for reading
Hi Cheri 8 weeks is not long at all I am sorry to hear of your loss.
It is three months for me and so hard you should take heart from the fact you did all you could and no one could have foreseen what happened.
take care and be kind to yourself.
I awoke shaking , every morning I have the tremors inside and then shake for a while whilst i realise the reality of my situation.
I have to try and make myself get up and walk like I used to.
Thank you for messaging back, what do you do to keep busy, I’m stuck at home ill as well it’s a nightmare, I have covid, I guess I am rung down at the moment, do you have family you talk to? I only have my husband, I talked to my mum everyday, other texts or phone it’s so very empty.
hi i work three days a week in my “proper job” as a support worker ( I was full time untill this April) I do two days a week well half days in a flower shop where i have worked adhock for around 18 years .
i am just about to start as a volunteer for a crisis helpline one or two evenings a week.
i live alone so have to make an effort to distract myself.
have you accessed any counselling?
this site is very good for just letting out any emotions please keep posting.
I think you might be run down, be kind to yourself and listen to your body , someone said there are no rules with grief.
my overwhelming emotion is guilt i am shocked to my very being that I let my mum down so much. i question everything .
that is mine to carry and i am lucky that the kind people on here listen and talk to me.
thank you all
Hi Olive,
Yes I have assessed cruise, theres a 4 month waiting list! I think we all feel guilty so we couldn’t stop them from passing away. I go there different scenarios, maybe we are just torturing ourselves, I am coming to terms with that. I have just had an interview offer, I thought I’d lost it due to me being ill, wow, there’s something to look forward to.
That sounds good what is the interview for?