at a loss the guilt three months on the guilt gets worse settling in with the depression.
sorry .
Hi Olive,
We must realise that we couldnāt change the outcome, and worrying, is like rocking in a rocking chair we get nowhere by doing so. You are giving back to the world by helping people, I realised what ever I did I could not change the outcome, it was there time to crossover to the other side, be kind to yourself, you are a good person and you deserve a happy life. Xx
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Thank you in work having a moment
I took a gentleman that has been homeless for a year to see his permanent flat yesterday and he kept saying am I a good person do I deserve this.
All the while I was thinking you donāt know I am not a good person itās like a dark deal secret growing in my heart .
I know I couldnāt have changed anything but I let her down.
Sorry
Hi Olive
Iām sorry you feel you are not a good person and you feel that you let your Mother down. All we can do is be āgood enoughā none of us are perfect but we try, just like you do. We all make mistakes/errors of judgement because we are human. Hindsight is a great thing. Guilt is horrible. Would your Mother be judging you as harshly as you are judging yourselves? I doubt it as she loved you just as you loved her. Non of us is perfect.
Take the compliment in the manner it was given, you did something good and of significance to this man.
Take care
Xx
im trying so hard to not fall into depression. it all just seems to get harder.
Itās hard cos I felt guilty, she went in after a heart attack, and the doc said she needed a op, to replace the stents in her heart , she did not want to do it, the doc said if you donāt you will have a massive heart attack, she asked me, I said itās a win to get it done, she died a day after the opp. I could not change the outcome,
Hi every one I must get up and walk in the morning before it gets too hot.
How are you all with the heat.
Oh my gosh I couldnāt sleep before now I think the depression has kicked in and the dreams does anyone else have the dreamsā¦so real ā¦they really knock me sideways ā¦mum is in them nothing bad happens I know it my brain processing but so so so hard to get through the day when I wake up to the reality.
Hi Olive,
Iāve dreamt all my life, when mum passed I could nt sit with her dead body, I left, but she came to me in y dream and we said goodbye, it was heart trenching I cried all day, I think it helps but itās still early days and painfull, yes itās hot donāt sleep much other, my son has not talked to me for a year cos I was upset he was losing weight so have that on top of everything else,
That is awful they have no concept of the impact it has when they donāt speak to you and shocking he can keep it up so long.
Mum was always worried as my son went away and I only saw him three times a year, I was just glad he was getting on with his life (long story) but it bothered her.
I do hope he will come round we all know life is too short for that sort thing.
Hiya
Yes itās too hot to get a decent sleep these few days. Let alone with everything else thatās going through your mind. I agree the dreams are your brains way of trying to make some sense of events. Sigmund Freud called dreams āthe royal road to the unconscious ā. Are you taking any meds for depression?
Take care and as Bob Marley sang
āGet up, stand up donāt give up the fightā
Take care.
Xx
Hi. Cheri
Itās hard what we have to go through and we all act differently. Itās our own way of protecting ourselves I think
My son and my daughter to a lesser extent have both fallen out with me. My son in particular has spoken to me twice in the 10 months since my Mum died and is now keeping my grandsons from having contact with me too other than when it suits him. The boys are 5 and 9 and I was very close to them. Thatās another loss I have to deal with. I would never have thought he would treat me like this especially at this time. Itās because I reacted badly as he put it to him giving my Sister my Mothers house (he owned it). Itās not about the money itās about the fact that he didnāt even have the decency to tell me he was going to do it or ask my opinion. My sister has her own house 15 minutes away!! But sheās a complete Narcissist (been seeing a psychiatrist for 12 years!) and I think she has manipulated him. My daughter a Cancer Nurse in a Childrenās Hospice has in her own words ātaken a step back from me as she feels she cannot help meā. Thats been since a month after my Mums death. Kids!!
Take care
Xx
Hi lulu,
Yes itās really hard, I think itās so disrespectful, for them to be like this. Hope you have a good weekend, itās a short reply, as Iām in pain physically at the moment take care xxxxx
Hiya
Thanks for that. I hope your pain improves
Take care
Xx
Hi everyone its a cloudy Sunday here and I lack the motivation to do anything. I did walk this morning, I wish all you good people a peaceful evening, At a loss over what tmrw will bring, but I will arise and go to work.
just wanted to connect.
Hi Olive thanks for connecting. Well done for getting out this morning. Ive had a stressful family discussion today and feel completely drained now so am flaked on the sofa. My whole body aches just from the tension ive been holding onto.
Well done fro getting through the family conflab. I hope it eases some things.
Down the lane now ā¦I am trying to walk moreā¦tryingā¦
these dreams so powerful i wake up shocked and sad. sounds silly i know.
Hi Olive
It doesnāt sound silly at all. Itās very real to you and should be treated with respect not ridicule. Iām sure you wonāt get any of the latter on Here. We all have our own journey to make but that journey has been triggered in the same way for us all
Take care
Xx
Hi, I was supposed to have an interview today, couldnāt do it, feel so low. Donāt know what to do.