You did the right thing interviews and new jobs take lots of energy you need to be kind to yourself it will come round again.
I’m the shop today trying to sort scattering mums ashes with my sister, she had said we cal leave it but really she wants to do it soon.
I .nit ready but mum is in her house and I am so far away and I may never be ready but she cut me off as she was finding too hard.
Floods of tears which I have to hide when someone comes in.
I don’t know what to do either. Sorry not much help.
Hi Olive, it’s ok, seems we are in the same boat, I have my mums ashes in my wardrobe, and I know she would want me to spread them asap, I suffer from chronic pain as well, so can be overwhelming, I do the same I cry on my own, I guess I’m not ready to work was going to see about volunteering but the pain has got the better of me today, I wish you well, x My sister tries to get all the inheritance from my aunt years ago, luckily I found out, and had a share, family can be so evil, 
I don’t speak to her anymore no trust after that, also my other sister, is nasty so it’s just me left.
Hi Lulu,
Yes I know the feeling, I said sorry by text, this was it’s for caring about his weight like a worried mother, but with the internet and cults , what can you do, I said my peace to him, and all you can do is say you re always there for them, it’s up to them now, you have cleared your side of the road, they have there own issues, and if they don’t want to share that with us, theirs not a lot more than we can do, they have made there choice be it the wrong one, they think it’s the right one, maybe one day they will realise it’s wrong to treat their family this way, as we only care for them, take care x
Mornings…I am just desolate in the mornings . I have a wail and I mean wail in the car many tears not for sympathy I am at a loss to how this will go on .
I have a dark heart guiltyvof letting mum down.
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Hiya
Kids are a bloody nightmare!!
. At the time when we really need them to show up they are nowhere to be seen!
Re the wailing… Been there, done that… but mine was not literally knowing how to turn the car on even although I had the key in the ignition. It did get better, in as much as I abandoned the car and I just literally threw myself onto the ground wailing as soon as I had shut the front door behind me when I couldn’t work out how to make the car go.
That was 11 years ago. I’m still here. We are survivors. Although that said we need to enjoy life not just survive it. Somehow we need to summon superpower strength to work our way through this terrible dark time. There is a light at the end of the tunnel. Not sunshine and unicorns but rather a peace within ourselves knowing that we did all we could with all the resources/information we had our disposal. We didn’t get it all right and for that there is regret but we didn’t do it deliberately to harm, and there is a big difference.
Our dead relatives/friends would wish for us peace and happiness.
“ The living wish the dead peace,
And
The dead wish the living peace too.”
Donna Ashworth.
Take care
Xx
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Hi just a hello to everyone.
Needed to say hello I guess
Hows your cat doing Olive? 
Thank you that made me smile,…getting worried about letting her out …I have had a cat run over from this house before . I am not on the main road but close …it’s down to 20 miles an hour (as I am in Wales) now but doubting the choice to take her on.
She was taken by someone who changes their mind and It was a weak moment.
I am thinking of asking someone who lives on a farm to take her?
Sorry a the detailed reply …
Other than that she comes to her name and sits on command and is vvv lively
Ah no, dont let her go! If she is bringing you furry love then you need that in your life right now 
At a loss I have no idea how to do this why is it getting worse. Is it my fault Ammi wallowing.
My bereavement counsellor said I have the choice not to feel this way.
I guess she is right but I feel sick I can’t stop crying and it’s getting worse .
I am trying I really amsorry
Hi Olive,
We are naturally grieving it’s ok to cry, it a relieve valve, I was bad all day yesterday , it will get better, it’s ok to cry, we have feelings we can’t bottled them up, it’s a natural process to cry, xx
Hi Lulu,
Hope you are having a good day, my son too don’t speak to me, I have texted and apologised no end to him, but he still does not talk to me, even after I have told him my mother has passed recently. All we can do is hope they will talk to us one day, and we deserve a good life in the meantime, all the best.x
Dont apologise Olive im not sure what to think when i hear counsellors say you have a choice - because that can add another layer of guilt on top of your grief. Did she actually give any constructive tips on how you make that choice? When i asked my counsellor if i was “wallowing” she just said it was very early days, there was no suggestion that i should do anything other than allow my feelings to flow.
I have read about there being a difference between “pain” and “suffering” - the pain being the raw pain from our loss, but the suffering being almost an additional layer of discomfort, caused by guilt, unhelpful comments from others, not taking care of ourselves physically. The author advised you cant avoid the “pain” of loss, you have to face that and work through it, but you can seek to minimise the “suffering” by looking what are the triggers vs anything that makes it feel slightly better etc and then using that as a bit of a roadmap. So maybe thats what your counsellor is referring to? I dont think anyone could choose to ignore the “pain” of loss- it would be like plugging a fountain with a cork - it would find its way out eventually!
This isnt for everyone, but have you ever considered anything like Reiki healing Olive? Its something I am trying at the moment as frankly anything that helps is welcome! I like it because it doesnt involve me trying to work out the answers, its just happening at a deep level, plus its relaxing and soothing. I dont usually like sharing specific practices on here because i think everyone is so different and what helps one person wont be right for another, but im just throwing this suggestion into the ring- im sure others may have different things that have helped them❤️
I can’t believe your counsellor said it’s your choice, especially this early into it! I thoroughly dislike that phrasing. As Ally said, it often just adds to the feelings of guilt. And I think we tend to forget that we don’t all just grieve differently, we have different life experiences, personalities and views of life as such. What is and seems easy for one might not be for another. So pointing out it’s your choice to feel this way is like saying, hey, you can pull yourself up by the bootstraps - without knowing if the person you say it to have lost their bootstraps, have broken bootstraps or have never had any bootstraps at all. 
I wish I had better practical advice, but please don’t feel bad for crying, it’s an outlet and a much needed one right now.
thank you Ulma and Ally , I am not working today and have not managed to leave the house yet, all I have done is watch rubbish and cried since early this morning. I am really not sure I am choosing to do this but I don’t know what to do with the guilt I know its mine to bare but today that seems impossible. I know I just have to get through the day.
sorry
Hi I had a better day yesterday kept busy.
Wishing you all a good weekend.
The storm has been through here already
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Still very windy here! I hope your day goes okay Olive
Good to hear that. I hope it stays that way today. Sometimes all we can do is to keep busy to get a moment’s pause from it all.