Yes, it finally came on at 2.30am! But i havent put the torches away yet just in case. What are you up to today?
Work work today .
Was it off because of the storms? We havenât had a power cut for a while we used to get loads.
Yes weâve had torrential rain here - luckily a dry day today!
Hi I hope you are all back to normal now.
Not sure whatâs happening to me I had no work today all i can do is lie in bed and shake. But (I was always told never to start a sentence with but) now I have posted I will get upâŚoh yes I will.
Have you managed to get up yet? I canât seem to be able to do anything today, but I guess I should. 
Yes I did in the end!
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Hi Ulma iâm not sure i deserve that but thanks.
Today I was working in the shop and then bereavement counselling, My counsellor said that she did not feel that it was productive and that I would possibly benefit more from Trauma counselling as she could see she could not help me, we only had four sessions. At a loss not sure what to think has this happened to anyone else? I feel like i am living my life in slow motion, my doc wanted to increase the antidepressants but o said no I donât want it to slow down any more, I hope you are all ok.
Hi Olive. Its not something ive had experience of, but please dont feel discouraged in any way. I think it sounds like those first four sessions have been really useful, because its enabled your counsellor to better understand the issues you are facing and to identify what support she thinks will help you most going forward. So a bit like a diagnostic before finding the right specialist! There are a lot of different types of therapy out there, and some are more suited to certain situations. Its good that shes been honest about it rather than continuing with something that you might end up feeling was not helpful. Has she given you any suggestions how to access this - would you be able to get a referral via your GP? Or would you have to look privately? 
You do. Itâs hard enough just to get up!
I had trauma counselling after I lost my mum years ago. It was what helped me the most back then and I do think it might be helpful for you. Donât take her comments negatively, itâs good that she realises you need something more and lets you know. I would suggest you give trauma counselling a try. It isnât only for those who have experienced war or similar horrible events, losing a loved one can often be a trauma for those left behind. Iâm not sure if you can ask your GP for such an appointment or if, as Ally said, you have to go privately, but ask your GP first. And keep going to your grief counsellor until you have an alternative set up, so you wonât be left on your own.
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And ask your grief counsellor if she can recommend any trauma counsellors nearby. She might have had someone in mind.
thank you all for you replies I would hav to go private, not sure what to do I think I will sit with it for a short while.
Yes, it might be good to let it sink in first. I know it takes energy to seek a counsellor privately, energy we donât really have right now. But I hope you give it a try.
what am i doing living my life in slow motion for the next âŚyears a life I donât deserve
I am trying to be useful i do not know who i am how can I knowing I let her down,
I am sorry only here can i say this you are such good good people
You deserve to be here Olive as much as any other human being on this planet. Even if you cant accept that you did nothing wrong, making decisions that we regret in hindsight is a part of being human - theres not a person on this planet who has lived an entirely perfect/blameless life. Is there even such a thing anyway? Please try not to be so hard on yourself - what about all the good, caring, kind, loving acts and decisions you have made over the course of your life - they still count too
I can only echo what Ally said. I know itâs hard and I struggle with guilt too. We have to remember, I think, that we never had bad intentions in anything we did. We love them and we will always feel we could have done more and done better, but the whole reason we are in such pain about it is because we are good persons at heart. If we were not, we would just shrug it off without a care.
Thank you as always just wanted to say hello and have good day.
winter draws on as my nan would say
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Hope your day hasnât been too bad. Yes, itâs getting dark and cold, which doesnât help much with the grief.
Iâm on call for the housing crisis line till 1am it voluntary this is my first late shiftâŚhad a long day at work so Iâm tired now!
off tmrw tho will try not to fester like last Wednesday. I hope you are good Ulma .x
hi everyone i saw the documentary on Alison Lapper the artist about her latest exhibition which is an expression of her grief for her son Parys.
She said what she should have done was sit and cry for two years.
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