Hi good to hear you are feeling better, i managed a whole day in work but collapsed when i got home and too to my bed at 5.30 not to emerge, have to do it all again tmrw.
Iām sorry to say that i feel desolate today, i took to my bed at 5.30 yesterday and cannot make myself get up. I will have to as i am in work today, not sure how I will get through the day though.
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Hi Olive did you manage to make it to work? There is a huge physical exhaustion that comes with grief and all the emotions you are processing. When will you be able to reduce your hours to 3 days a week?
How are you feeling today Deborah?
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Yes I made it to work. I just rolled out if bed and into work. Struggling today but if I donāt come in what would I do stay in bed all day?
Yes how are you today Deborah?
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Hi Olive and Ally,
Olive well done on getting to work. I donāt think people realise how hard it is yo get motivated to do the simplest things even getting up,getting ready to go out etc. It can seem like a mountain to climb.
I am feeling a bit better today as the antibiotics cand having hot baths a few times every day has helped to reduce the lump thank goodness. I still have swollen glands which has dragged me right down and what with that and the grief I feel quite depressed at the moment. I know it will pass though. My mum always said everthing in life passes so this will
Ally I agree tiredness comes with grief. I have always had bags of energy all my life but since mum passed I am always tired. I must drive my husband mad with the number if times I say I am tired. I know itās grief.
Olive itās such early days for you and you are already back in work so look how well you are doing.
Where did you say you both live ?
Love Deborah x
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Hi Wanderers 100
Lovely to hear from you.
Doing the basics every day is fine and more than enough so well done. Some people are not able to even do that.
Itās very hard when family members leave us . Everything is so final,pointless and extremely heartbreaking.
Posting on here has been my godsend in so many ways.
A lifeline 24/7 and itās been wonderful to connect with people who understand ,donāt judge,are kind and thoughtful in their comments back,are supportive and simply very caring. Itās such a wonderful site.
How are you going?
Are you in work ?
Take small steps each day
Deborah
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Thank you for the lovely message of support. Iām trying to keep myself busy as a distraction from the hurt, sadness and pain.
Whatās really upsetting on top of grief at the moment is not once has my dad asked me how Iām feeling about mum dying. I fully appreciate that heās got a massive life change after being married to my mum for 53 years. I check on him daily, travelling the 40 miles every day to see him and arrange the funeral.
Heās not a talker and I know heās dealing with grief his way but in the absence of mum who would always ask and give me a cuddle Iām finding it really hurtful that heās not asked me once how I am, but I then feeling guilty for feeling like that. Am I blowing it out of proportion, my head canāt think straight at the moment 
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Hi Samlk12,
You are doing everything right in being do supportive to your dad. Everything is blown out of all proportion veith grief. Nothing is ever the same. We pick up on the slightest word,movement or gesture so you are being normal in the way you
feel.
Just carry on as you are doing. Your dad doesnāt probably notice anything except his own grief and for now that is fine as he comes to terms with everything.
I agree though it would be nice if he could show you a bit of emotion.
Take small steps. Start a conversation about your mum with him and see how he responds. Maybe he will realise he needs to comfort you more then.
Worth a try anyway
Sending love
Deborah x
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well the tears just wont stop today, what can i say
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Itās been the same for me today, for some reason. You would think there would be a point when the body canāt produce more tears, but apparently not.
Sorry to hear youāve been so ill, Deborah. I hope the antibiotics do their work quickly and you continue to feel better. 
I know its at work too luckily people dont tend to notice when i wear my glasses
Oh no, good thing you have the glasses, but still, not the most optimal place to be when it feels like that.
so sorry i am so lost today i dont know how to shake this off. i just cant move if i havenāt got a commitment. i was making myself walk just cant do that now. i am scared i will cease to function
Hi Olive,
Just let it pass so dont do anything. Stay right where you are and maybe watch TV. Snuggle up with a blanket and stay there all day. Theres nothing you can do when you cant shake it off and carry on . Just remember this feeling will pass or ease a little for you to function again tom .
Keep posting on here today
Deborah x
Hi Deborah, I manged to get out briefly back in my pit now trying to work up to a walk,
i donāt want this to become my thing! working in the flower shop tmrw
Aww Olive well done
You have done so well and have the right attitude . Its all about fighting this horrible grief journey and you are honestly an inspiration. I am still not feeling well so everything is upsetting me at the moment. Having flashbacks of things mum said at teh end bless her and i have cried a lot today.
Deborah x
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its hard when you are not well,
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So desolate tonight the tears wonāt stop I am put of my bed and sat in the layby down the lane .
I know you all feel the same pain just lost. Just want to post so sorry
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Im sorry youre having a bad night. Sending hugs to you. Hang on in there,
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