Why are you in the layby? I dont know what sort of area it is, but please just keep yourself safe. 
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Hi Olive,
Just read your post. Where are you now. You can’t sit in a lay by at this time of night. It’s not going to solve anything and you are far better off at home. If you are still in the layby please please go home. Can you post back asap and let me know you are on as I am worried
Deborah x
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Olive, are you ok in the layby? What kind of place is it? I hope you are safe.
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Hi Ulma,
I am worried about Olive. It was 2 hrs ago when she posted she was in the layby.
Olive if you are reading this please post to let us know you are ok
Deborah x
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Hi. Me too. I hope she comments, so we know what’s happening. 
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Hi Olive,
You may be back at your house by now and fast asleep. But if you are still in the lay by please drive home. Not sure if you are even in your car.
I will check throughout the night to see if you have replied.
I just want to tell you that you are not alone in all this. We are here for you. We can post every day several times a day to help you. I know how sad you feel. I really really do. I also want to say how amazing you have been to get through everything the past few days.You have done such a lot. I personally feel so proud of you.
Right now though I am worried about you so whenever you read this please reply. I shall check my phone throughout the night.
Sending love,
Deborah x
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sorry i did reply earlier but on my phone i dont know why it didnt work.
im am safe you are all so kind. sorry again i didnt mean to cause anyone to worry i live in a very safe place,
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There you are! Good to hear from you! Time for all of us to try to sleep, I think. Sending hugs. 
morning everyone in wake up shaking and it hits me that it is all too real
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Morning Olive - i know, its hard to face every day realising that this is the new world we find ourselves in. But youre doing so well and have come so far, even if you cant see it right now… What are you doing today - are you working? Are you seeing your counsellor this week?
Keep holding on, nothing is going to make it feel better right now, but there might be things that bring a tiny crumb of comfort/soothing - it might be walking in nature, a decent cup of coffee, reading, having a bath. Everyone is different- for me i suddenly developed an interest in knitting even though ive not knitted since i was a child! It was something i could pick up and do for a short burst when i needed to give myself a break from the pain. I think it was the act of doing something with my hands and the concentration helped divert my brain just for a while. I also found listening to grief podcasts really helpful because just hearing other voices speak their grief experiences made me feel less alone. I know it may sound really trivial talking about knitting and podcasts when your world is crashing around you, but its about discovering what coping strategies work for you. A therapist describes it as giving yourself little lifeboats on that stormy sea of grief.
Take care of yourself today and keep posting
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hi i am seeing a counsellor today from a bereavement charity as we do not have cruse here. i am in the flower shop this afternoon and supposed to be walking this evening with someone. it all seems so hard, my guilt is getting more intense, i know it is mine to own and come to terms with so i am not garnering sympathy but i am grateful for these contacts.
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Ok, so you have quite a mixed day. I always feel quite drained after seeing my counsellor so see how you go. Is the person youre walking with someone you can talk to? I find my contacts now are split into those i know i can only talk about non-grief stuff, and those i can be honest with! Im no therapist but my guess is your guilt is getting more intense because your grief is too - they go hand in hand. I found after the initial shock there was a period where the grief did seem to ramp up its intensity. I hope your session with the counsellor goes ok - i know they cant take the pain away, but just being able to voice your feelings and to be heard is in itself a powerful thing
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N I can’t talk to her about it . Yes I hope I can get a little clarity this morning
Making funeral tributes this aft will actually help.
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Keep busy today Olive.
Am glad you are in work this afternoon and seeing a friend later.
The guilt will ease honestly. Just try to hang on there and give yourself more time to heal.
Baby steps every day ok
Love Deborah x
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How are you feeling now Deborah- are you still improving?
Yes how are you I hope you are feeling better.
I made it out for a walk down the lane now at my one mile point first time this week. Bk to start my day.
In work work tmrw need to get through 8hrs.
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I am feeling better today thanks. Am going to drag myself out for the day around the shops as i havent done that ever since I lost mum
I need to get out of the house
Post later
Deborah x
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Hi Ally,
I feel better today but still need antibiotics or something so am waiting for teh Gp to email me back.
Am off out today though as havent left teh house much
Will post later
Deborah x
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How are you both doing today? How are you getting on at work Olive, and how was your counselling? And did you manage to get out yesterday Deborah?
Im still recovering from a tiring day yesterday - i met the chaplain at my local hospice for a chat and also had a counselling session- it was too much mentally - by the time i got home i completely flaked out and still feel wiped out today.
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Aww Ally,
It was probably too much for you.
I am still unwell and waiting for the GP to get back to me about a further prescription. Just zonked out with no energy. I now have swelling in my neck so have emailed my GP and I can’t get an appointment. It’s all dragging me down and I feel exhausted.
Yes I went out yesterday . Treated myself to new jeans and only went to one shop and just felt so tired. But I did drive to the shops which was good as I haven’t driven much maybe 6 times in 15 mths. Felt a bit wobbly driving but managed ok.Think I have lost my confidence in do many ways.
Where do you all live? I live in West Wales in a town called Haverfordwest.
Keep going everyone
Deborah x
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