This is one of the worst days ever I miss paul so much today has been so bad for me people keep telling me it gets better does it really when I am not coping with this at all it has been 5 years and it still hurts I wish so much that the night he went that he had took me with him as this is awful for me without that one person that could put everything right he could make me feel so much better even in my darkest days he got me through everything but now when I need him so much he is not there nobody knows what this is like you cannot explain it to anybody not that I want to tell my brothers about how I feel I donāt want to be a burden to anyone I never wanted to be that person I do not visit them as I feel I cannot do that I donāt want to be the one that they get fed up with so itās so much easier to stay at home where it feels safe and I cannot bother them I only they would be upset but I cannot do it I feel guilty putting all of this on here because I am bieng a burden to everybody on here I just wish my time would hurry up and come then I would be back with the man that I love and he can make everything better again this has been my worst day ever
I am so sorry you are having a hard day>its been 9 months for me and if anything things are getting harder.i cry still every day, sme days more heavily than others.it has broken my heart losing my dear wife, it was all so sudden and unespected.I feel exactly like you,that awful day my dear wife passed, i wish she had taken me with her too.i say every day and night i want to be with my wife again but im still here surviving and existing not living like i used to with my loving, caring wife beside me.now its just emptyness, sadness and loneliness.no one really understands unless they have experienced what we have.i so hope things will get better for you.Take care.
Dear Sassy chic
Firstly you most certainly are not been a burden to anyone.
Believe you me I know EXACTLY how youāre feeling I lost my darling, darling partner 8 weeks ago and I feel I am going completely insane from sadness and longing for him itās killing me Iām not coping at all we were together 32 years and nobody on Godās earth can ever replace him.
Today has been the saddest day so far I woke up at 6 am and ate a huge bar of chocolate until I was 
.
Like you I donāt want to bother my family because nobody can understand what this pain is like. He loved his gadgets, I made this shrine for him in my bedroom and sit and stare at him for hoursā¦ life is so cruel
Hi
That is so beautiful i have a picture of paul in my bedroom and i see it everynight but it does not take away the pain at all my shock today was i was tyding up and i was cleaning the windowsill in my living room a car pulled up outside my drive and it was just like pauls company car and i just thought and said it out loud oh pauls home i stopped what i was doing went into the kitchen to put the kettle on to make him a coffee and then it hit me It was not paul and he was neber coming home and i do not know where all of that came from at all i burst into tears and i have not stopped all day that has never happened before
Hi
I dont think i will ever feel the same anymore i miss paul so.much it was today i saw a car pull up at my drive it was the same one paul drove when he worked and i stopped what i was doing and said out loud pauls home i went into the kitchen to.put the kettle on and make him a coffee and then it hit me it was not.paul and he was never coming home you would think after 5 years that would not happen but it did i just burst into tears and could not go.into the living room for quite a while in case i saw the car again i dont want to.tell my brothers they will think i am silly i feel silly and really stupid for thinking that
Gerronamo
That is so beautiful, your partner will be so proud of you.I am so sorry for your loss, its a horrible road we are all on.Take care.
The problem is we have no proof that weāll eventually be reunited. Thereās no certainty. I feel like you and donāt think Iāll ever feel better.
I hope that one day we will be reunited with each other that is all I have left to hope for I desperately want to see him and talk to him and see his smile he was always smiling and just to hear his voice again that would be great the most wonderful thing in the hole world i am not a religious person but I do believe we will meet again I can only hope and pray we do
Oh Iām so sorry for you all here. Itās been 5 weeks for me since I lost my best friend Ray. I donāt think Iāll ever feel right again. He was my world, my everything, my reason to exist. Now there is nothing after 32 years together and so many plans for the future. Iām 55 and Ray passed only 12 days after his 60th birthday in that horrible hospital. I canāt unsee the suffering he endured for 8 weeks. He couldnāt talk about his diagnosis and Iām left wondering how frightened he must have been. We always talked about absolutely everything, except this. I wish heād come back and take me away from this hell of an existence.
But then again we also have no proof that we wonāt be reunited again.
We have got to hold on to some sort of hope.
If there is no afterlife and we just die and there is nothing more then we wonāt know any better, but if there is an after life and we are reunited with our loved ones that will be something amazing to look forward to ā¦
Thank you Brummy for you kind words they mean so muchā¦
Dear Peg2
I am deeply sorry for your loss X.
Itās so similar to my own Ron and I were also together for 32 years and told each other everything we would talk literally for hours about everything and anything thatās one of the things I miss most since he passed away 8 weeks ago. He was one in in BILLION and I miss him sorely, so I have a good idea of what Hell you are going through as well 
.
For me I never thought this day would come I felt Ron would always be around.
He was 72 and a half when he passed away he said to me before he died that he had done his 3 score and ten plus 2 and a half years on top so felt that was fair enough, it was me he was worried about leaving behind, he always put my feelings first in everything in our long relationship even to his dying day. Reast in peace my darling Ronā¦..
Hi peg 2
I kniw exactly how you feeli lost my husband paul 5 years ago and it still hurts people think you should be over it by now but i am not , paul was 65 when he passed away i was 63 i lost my best friend in the whole world the one guy that loved me for me and like you we talked about everthing i never stopped talking to him even on tje mobile phone and he had me all day everyday he was the one who actually got me miss talkative i never stopped now i have no one to talk to no friends or anything like that i wish i had have gone with him that night as this is a nightmare that i dont like at all i have shut the outside world out as i dont want to be hurt again i would love to have that one person that would see me for me the lovely person that i am and not the ugly person that they seem to think i am thats why i shut it out before i get to hurt ans rhey tell me to shutup its easier that way
Ah Sassychic Iām so sad to read your post. I know itās hard, the hardest thing in the world. I know exactly what you mean, Ray was alsoy my best friend, and I donāt have many friends at all. Some family have abandoned me, as we were very private and they presume I donāt want any contact, but a text would be nice. I wish we on this forum could all get together and talk openly about our grief and loss. Youāre not alone here Sassychic, you always have friends here.
Hi peg2
I know what you mean pauls family well letās just say they never liked me and now paul has gone I am just on there tick sheet once itās done with they donāt bother with me I knew I should have stayed away from them paul always protected me from all of his family and I let them in silly me I know there is lots of people on here that are in the same situation as me but I have never felt so alone I have two younger brothers and I do not want to bother them or be that burden or pest thatās why I do not make friends that easily as I could be that pest that they do not like its very scary , I used to have a busy household as paul was a poorly man for two years so I needed help I had 8 carers a day one night sitter and a team of nurses in my home everyday my landline and mobile was always busy now after paul passed they all left and my phones went so quite they still are nobody bothers to just send you a txt or call you to see how you are , I have a wonderful nephew who took over when his uncle Paul passed and he takes me out for a meal and coffee if it was not for him I would be so lost but I do not want to be a burden or pest to him he has his own life its so hard trying to cope with all of this he told his dad that I was not coping so my brother came to see me when I was so low I told him how I felt but that I did not want to be a burden he txts me but you can still hide behind that txt and tell them you are OK thatās what I do anyway enough now before I become a pest to you
Gerronamo
Thats ok, i dont know what i would do without this site and the kind understanding people on here.i too hope i will be reunited with my dear wife.to be honest its all i have to cling onto in this now so called life of sadness, emptyness, loneliness.i so want to see and hear my dear wife again, she was so loving, caring, kind and gentle, she had a lovely smile too.she was my everything, my world.I do like to think there is a ābigger pictureā to our lives on this earth, things we dont really know.Sometimes things happen to us that are more than coincidences.sometimes you will get like a Gut instinct or feeling you should do something.I like to think these things but ultimatly i want my dear wife with me but i know it cannot be so i just so hope we will be reunited one day.Take care
Can I start by saying you are not a burden to me, and i am sure many others on here will tell you the same. Who cares whether its been 5, 10, 20 etc years.
I believe the level of your feelings, how deeply you loved the person when yhey were alive is reflected in your level of grief.
Give yoyrself a pat on the back for getting this far, 5 years is not that long really so please try to stop beating yourself up. You seem like a strong person to me.
Do you have any hobbies, or groups in your area for g, knitting, gardening, crsfts
You maybe could meet some really good friends We will talk again soon.
ardening
Gardening is a better option for me. the sound of nature never goes wrong,it doesnāt offend, majority of the peopleāre not kind, they donāt watch what they say, every time I try people, I end up hurt, & apologizing to them not to fuel the situation. I carry food, drinking water & a mat then sit here with my child until evening.
Hi peg 2
I came on here as advised and people on here find me to chatty and when I am told that I tend to shut down I will not answer or get back to anybody as I feel its easier I thought coming on here would help me find people that understand me but that has not been the case so I go quite and then nobody can say that I talk to much it is my way of protecting myself from getting hurt I thought this was a safe place to communicate but I communicate to much
Be as chatty as you like Sassy chic, this is the place to be chatty!