@AnnieG1 . I am also at just over 5 months still have bad days and good days. Just have to ride out the bad ones in the hope that tomorrow will be a good one. I still go back to the days before he died. Xx.
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I think it will help you. Really helped me understand the different stages of grief and actually its really moving and so honest !!! Xxxx
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@Enorac ,@Pudding and @Deb5 . Thank you for your comments. I have just remembered (brain fog) a poem my husband wrote for me on our 46th wedding anniversary (when he was too poorly to get out to get me a card) and one line says āyour what ifs drive me crazy at timesā so I suppose I havnt changed at all lol xx
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How wonderful to get poems. I used to write my husband poems but he didnt. But I know he liked them. I found heād kept them after he died with his treasures altogether. I once had a fiance before I met my late husband who wrote poems to me I kept. But although my mum said I couldnt dump someone who wrote me poetry he turned out not to be who I wanted to marry. I had lots of what ifs but did not regret my reasons for ending that promise to marry him nor the life with him before it was too late. There were lots of things I wish we had or had not done over a lifetime with my husband but I still value all that he was and how he was and know he was still there as I was. I miss him terribly even all the things I had wished had not been at the time. After all marriage has ups and downs. Almost like widowhood has this ebbing and flowing of bad days and not so bad days and hardly ever good days so far. Days when I enjoy the family I still have. I donāt want to waste those precious days. Yes ups and downs but it is a reason to go on. And just pretend he is still here even though physically he isnāt he is in my mind still a huge part of who I am. Yes I can now do stuff differently like no one can complain if I am annoying some days apart from my sons but they are not here all the time. We text each other and talk. I hear things I didnāt know from folk who tell me. If only he could have known how many people cared about him. How much.
If onlys. Yes I would have done so much more. Imagining some things becomes a way of life.
If there is someone else one day they will never take it away the time we spent together. Maybe be fed up about what we lost together in a different way so that the loneliness is less.
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@Enorac I am very lucky that my husband wrote a poem in most of the anniversary cards and some birthday cards he gave me and Iāve kept them all. He was such a caring passionate man. It was a second marriage for both of us and I was so lucky to have had him by my side for over 50 years. I miss him so much. Xx