It’s a right rip off isn’t it , we were looking at a rose bush , bench or other memorial in the crematorium memorial garden , they only do 5 year leases and charge a fortune just for the 5 years then you have to pay again whatever the charges are then . Going to get a bench in our garden with a plaque on and keep most of her ashes at home ( some are getting scattered in a river as her family is Hindu so going with their wishes ) as she would not want to be left alone in a memorial garden anyway .
2 Likes
I understand. Sending you a hug x
Thank you wilderness you take care 
I’ve looked and can get a heavy duty bench similar to the ones that are used commercially with a memorial plaque on for less than 400 , so will probably get one of those for the garden .
Won’t be the same though as we used to love sitting outside with a beer and music in the summer , would end up being outside until the early hours many times , how things have changed as I’m now in bed by about 9 every night 
4 Likes
I’m in bed every night by 9 too,then I listen to love songs on YouTube I play them for him every night.
1 Like
I lost my husband five years ago and still cry most days. Life is empty without him. The evenings and early mornings are the worst. I fear this is my life from now on.
Music was such a big part of our lives, he played guitar and collected LP’s and cd’s I haven’t played them since he left, I just cant. So tired all the time.
4 Likes
So very sorry,
Grief is such a sign of how loved they were and still are.
I think also, that the fact that there are not enough people to ever fill the hole in my heart shows how special he was.
Take care xx
4 Likes
Same , we bought this house mainly for the big garden as the kids were little when we moved in , many a paddling pool / football net / barbecue was enjoyed in the garden over the years .
All seems so pointless now , it’s ok saying keep busy etc but is that all life is now keeping busy and surviving until it’s our time to join our soulmates , really not sure I can do 20 odd years of that to be honest.
6 Likes
Hi yes the way I feel now … life is so empty. I said in another post today that I don’t cry everyday but at the moment I am at an all time low. Take care.x
5 Likes
Gardening was something we enjoyed. During the lockdowns we were so lucky to have a garden, it was our happy and safe place. At the moment, I look around and remember him doing things, so that is sad.
I really, really hope the feeling of just filling my time passes.
Some friends have already fallen by the wayside. So I’m hoping I’ll be lucky enough to have friends still around. Still dread the time ahead. Facing the unknown by myself is so scary.
I think it is a case of bit by bit and for me not looking to the future.
We are in this together x
4 Likes
I’m having a bad week emotionally. It’s just 6 weeks passed since losing my husband. I think I was doing ok and now the loss is finally hitting me.
5 Likes
You have been in shock which can numb you.
Perhaps, something triggered it?
It can be something that you’re not expecting.
Take care xx
1 Like
We loved gardening as well and he was so sad watching me do everything alone. His illness stopped him doing most things. I still make the garden beautiful but I so miss the togetherness and planning. The washing machine broke down, old age and it was scary having to measure the space and choose the new machine alone, Richard always did all those things, but I did it and was proud of myself. I’ve learned to do things and I know he’d be proud of me too.
6 Likes
I am so sorry for your loss. Nothing I can say will make you feel better. It’s a long road but you will get there. One day at a time.
Sending love to you xxx
2 Likes
I think you are right the shock and funeral made me feel numb. It felt like I was being carried by a wave. Now I feel I am standing on the shore being hit by the wave right in my face. X
4 Likes
I understand that is a good way to put it.
What swept you along now coming back and slapping you.
It really knocks you for six when something worms it way through the
numbness of shock. You suddenly have this in your face, in your head and you don’t know what to do.
For me I tried and still try to tackle what I feel I can manage. Sadly, sometimes things like form filling can crop up and then if I felt overwhelmed, I asked for help.
I am trying to find things that can occupy my mind for a while when I feel pressure or depression. Mind you, sometimes I just sit and cry. I need to find more to do.
This is how I am trying to tackle this horrible time. Many would not do this, we have to find our own strategies through trial and error.
Finally, this site definitely helps. To talk with others who get it, who are going through the same is for me has been so helpful.
As for getting my head around the sudden loss of my husband and how brutal and
final it is, that is the really, really difficult bit. At the moment it seems an impossible task.
I wish you well, send big hugs. Please use this site to help you x
1 Like
You should be proud and I’m sure he would be proud of you.
Take care x
1 Like
It’s funny how we all cope differently music and jigsaws are the things that have got me through so far.But I know a lotof people can’t listen to music,I don’t like seeing couples together I find it really upsetting.
1 Like
Yes, we are different.
I don’t resent happy couples, I envy them.
I think we all had ideas about how we would be and it wasn’t being alone.
2 Likes
I’m afraid o resent the older couples too. I think why us? We should have grown old together. We had several holidays planned, so now I’m going to have to experience them for the both of us 
1 Like