It is helpful that I am not alone. It is just over 2 and a half years since my husband passed and I still feel raw. My health is not good and I need him to hold me and tell me it will be alright - but that is not happening. Having said that I am trying to build a life. I am going on my first short break later this week. I will meet up with friends but I will have breakfast on my own. In some ways I am becoming more resilient. I put a new lawnmower together with a little help from YouTube- and it works! Hang on in there and I wish for courage for us all.
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I do so understand how you are feeling. Like you say, do we just try to keep ourselves busy for the rest of our lives? Sounds more like existing than living to me.
My partner passed away 18 months ago now and I miss him so much. Sundays and Bank Holidays are the worst. I’ve also found lately that 3 friends have quietly dropped off the radar. I dont know why as I try very hard to be cheerful when I’m out and about as its so boring for other people to hear your woes. Has anyone else experienced this?
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Hello Marian, putting a lawnmower together, your a star! Amongst other small projects I decided to strip the hall and put up new wallpaper, did a little bit but lost heart. I’ll have to finish the job, and I will, but everything seems so hard even though I’ve done it before. I need to get a grip and get it finished. I know what you mean health wise, it just makes everything seem like climbing a mountain, well a hill maybe. I hope this long weekend wont be too hard for you. We just have to get use to our new reality no matter how long it’s been, we have no choice. I hope you have a good break and come back refreshed. Love to you.
Hi Geoff
Believe me - your pain and loss will slowly transform into a beautiful, solid treasure inside you. The love you have and continue to have will see you through your own life, gently lifting you and guiding you.
You will get through it. Live for her but most importantly live for yourself.
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Yes I have.
After the funeral, some of them have more or less gone.
I send a general message to them, (Hope you’re ok) maybe once a week and usually get a very short message back from one of them.
I feel I have left the door open so to speak.
I would hate to lose contact but will have to see how it goes.
Very sad but not uncommon x
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Yes I have, it seems to be a fairly common thing. Even neighbours that I’ve known for many many years seem to avoid you but I get along without these fair weather friends. One day they’ll understand…
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Thank you Frankie. Your wallpapering attempt brought a smile to my face. I have just finished sorting the storage in my spare room wardrobe. Six months since I decided to do something with it! For some reason I decided to,get up off my chair and get on with it. I definitely couldn’t do wallpapering. Next task the shed. Unfortunately it is raining today. Lots of tools from my husband.
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Under the heading “Bad Weekend”, I’m now halfway home from my mum’s after a row. I planned to stay til tomorrow but the lack of support she has shown me since Steve died, plus taking the p**s and expecting me to still do loads of things for her, have taken their toll. I really had to get a grip of myself to travel the 140 miles to see her as I haven’t been since December and I wrote my car off 6 days after Steve died. Nothing appreciated, she just takes and expects.
I need to take care of myself, without any more upset. This has set me back.
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Take care xx
Be kind to yourself xx
Big hugs xc
Thanks @paeony and @ RoseGarden
I have been so careful to take care of myself, but felt I should visit her as she is 85 and frail. Big mistake. I will go back to only doing what is best for me, I feel a wimp for feeling fragile because I’m not usually like that, needs must. X
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Take care of yourself first and foremost. Maybe just phone your mum once in a while. Some people can be careless with other peoples feelings. I hope you can enjoy the rest of your weekend and try not to feel too badly towards your mum just maybe keep your distance.
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My husband has so many tools I just don’t know what to do with them. He collected all sorts of things. I’m only just started taking his suits etc. to the charity shop. Crazy keeping his things for so long but I feel ready to part with them now without a heavy heart. I plan to do things about the house, clear things etc and I can do them all in my head, I can see them finished but doing it is another matter! Ah well no rush I suppose all in good time. Could you do wallpapering, I think you could. We are women and we can do things!
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Hi Frankie. My husband also had so many tools. I kinda started sorted out his clothes to take to charity but I got distracted and will get back to it one day when I’m in the right frame of mind. 
You’re not a wimp.
You have had a major shock in your life and you are grieving.
We are living an unsettling and unwanted type of life.
We cannot know or predict how things or people are going to affect us.
Big hug xx
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Many of my husband’s tools were my dad’s.
I am not rushing to give anything away.
Tidy up, definitely!
I didn’t mind wallpapering. I don’t like painting, especially using gloss paint (affected my sinuses).
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Thats just what I thought, to just tidy up.
My husband had lits of tools, a few from my dad. He had stuff in a tool bag that he took to railway club, and there is stuff all over the garage.
I’m not getting rid of anything yet. I need to figure out what I need for the running repairs. There have already been several minor ones of those, and the learning curve is steep.
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Thanks for the advice and support, @Ilovehorses. But this is nothing new. All my life she has only really cared about what people think and not what was best for her daughters. Looking back on all my major life traumas, she has never once had my back or been there putting me first. And the stupid comments, “Why are you looking so sad?” etc have taken their toll. I know she is old and I should appreciate still having her, but her behaviour is nothing to do with age, she’s always been like that. And still I keep trying. But now I need to get well and strong again and stay away for a while.
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So similar here x
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It’s so heartbreaking. I guess we have our precious memories but it’s not the same as having them here. Kind regards. X
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