Thank you Jacky, I’ll be in touch soon. I hope you manage to keep plodding through the week. Sending hugs
Dear @Sheila26,
I was interested in your comment about going for a day out in the car and it being so unpleasant when you tried it. A couple of people have suggested to me that I should take a car trip over to the coast, but like you, I just think “why?”. What am I going to do? Sit in the car on my own staring out to the sea? Buy fish and chips or an ice cream for myself? I don’t think so. The very thought appalls me. When you are used to trips with your partner, the thought of doing them alone has absolutely no appeal. Even if I was brain-dead and numb, I still couldn’t contemplate it. It’s just one more item to add to the list of things I’ll probably never ever do again.
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I agree local support resource is scarce. Me and my wife used to chatter for an hour or so every evening after dinner on our little balcony garden. We still had never boring conversations after 25 years of marriage. Now I have nobody to talk to. No one ask me how my day is. I found this site. I can post a message if I want to. There may be response; sometimes there is none. But reading the posts I know there are others who understand this excruciating pain, thought they may be hundreds of miles away…
I too am not confidence I would have joyful days like those my wife shared with me. But I still have to support my daughter. That kinda of keep me going…
take care and stay healthy…
Dear Sheila 26. I know how you feel my daughter said she would come round on sat to see me but didn’t come never txt to say why. Went round to my sons yesterday and see grandkids lovely sunny day everyone having a great time but I just sat there feeling so lonely and thinking peter would have loved being with his darling little granddaughter Olive he thought the world of her. And his little grandson Arlo who was born just before peter died he never got to meet him. This all seems so wrong him not being here.
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Jane I totally agree with what you said when people say we are here for you so why do we feel so alone . Unfortunately I think people say these things to soften the blow and at a time when you need to hear it , it clearly doesn’t mean “ we will be here for you” it seems your forgotten as soon as they have said it .
I went thorough a period when I was resenting others who were making plans or talking about their other halves, but we can’t blame them for what we are going through I think others should embrace what they have .
I have just been away with my daughter her partner and my grandson and Iv loved every minute of it , now I’m home alone it has made me realise even more how much I need company.
When we were in lockdown things were easier I suppose as no one was going anywhere or making plans to but as you said now things have been lifted we can still do things but we have to do them alone so they are not quite the same I have to say I hate it but I do my level best not to think about it too much because Iv just come back from a very dark place and really don’t want to return.
Keep talking it does help and reading others posts can help lift your spirits . Take care Karen x
I think it would just make it so much more obvious that your special person was missing. I think there are some places I will never be able to go ever again. People just don’t seem to get it. Sending hugs
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Dear Jules4
My beloved husband died after an accident on holiday in Cornwall. How can I ever return to Cornwall where we had such lovely times. Lost and gone now.
Miss him so much although everyone tries to be kind. No substitute for David.
Love to all
Tricial
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Dear Alston
Your right. Not long after my husband died I went to the coast and got fish and chips and sat in the same spot both me and husband did weekly. I looked out to sea and towards the coastal path and just broke down. We used to laugh that one day we would get out and do the walk but now that will never happen. I have tried to return just once more but it is just so painful.
I had someone yesterday suggest now that overseas holidays had opened up I should arrange a ‘girls’ trip away. I am 61, been with husband for 42 years and this suggestion is just so ridiculous. Again I just wish if people cannot think of something to say that they say nothing.
Take care
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Dear Jen153
Yes it is so hard. I do go round to our son’s once a day where possible but it is extremely difficult. Last year I was on furlough and mam had mental health problems so we went round as the support (keeping social distance) from about May. Me and husband loved just sitting in their garden watching our grandson develop and grow from a distance, then we would come back home and sit with a cuppa and exchange the photos we had taken. So now I sit and have all these memories but they do not bring me much comfort as I just so wanted my husband to be here to see the two grandsons and for us to enjoy just doing nothing.
I am sorry that Peter never got to see his grandson and knowing how much my husband adored our eldest granson I can just imagine the love that he had for your granddaughter.
Take care.
Cornwall is a beautiful place - I used to spend my childhood holidays there. But as you say, how can you go there without the negative thoughts being uppermost in your mind? Sending hugs
Thank you for your reply. I’m lucky to have friends and associates ready to help nearby.
Trivia
Yes! Why don’t people think of us and invite us? If you live near me I’ll invite you round! My parents died 6 years ago and my fiancé 2 weeks ago. Everyone knows what I’m going through, but often end up just talking to me about their plans, with me hoping they’ll invite me but they mostly don’t! I spent Sunday alone and it was hideous.
Exactly!! I’m currently staring into the abyss of a two month summer break with no parents and no fiancé. People keep saying ‘oh, why don’t you go on a road trip somewhere in the UK on your own?’ On my own?! Are you kidding me?!
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Unfortunately the people saying these things to you have no concept of the agony that loosing your soulmate generates. I too have had so many telling me to go on holiday by myself, telling me it will ‘do me good’. I would not wish the pain of grief on anyone I just wish they would think before they open their mouth.
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Damn right 
I live in Hong Kong which is a small city. Me and my wife did a lot of outings after our daughter was born. We had been to most country parks/outlying islands etc. There are lots of wonderful memories: catching beetles, snails and tadpoles(watch them turning into frogs); we once rent a small strip of land in a rural village to grow vegetables for 2 years; we also went fishing, sometimes catching squids in summer nights and cooked them on the spot. We hiked on the Peak and there were some many different kinds of fungi after a rainy day…those precious moments we 3 shared together. Kind of bittersweet when I think of them. But suddenly it’s time to say goodbye…too soon…still feeling surreal…as her images and voice are still so vivid…
Thing is I am trying a bit of long walks to fill the day with. Everywhere I go, as it’s such a small city, I think of the last time my wife and I were there doing this or that at that very spot. When I ride on a bus I cannot look out of the window as those places never fail to remind me of our better days. This pain is all over the place 24/7. No escape.
@luckystarhongkong I am so sorry for your loss and the heartache you and your daughter are going through it’s so hard without our soulmates our lives will never be the same but the love we have for them will never fade and we carry them with us in our hearts until we can be reunited with them stay safe take care my thoughts are with you and your family
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I get that feeling around my village. We grew up here, our family was brought up here. There are lots of family members here. He died in the village. We visited lots of places close to here. I can’t go anywhere without memories. These memories were always things that made me smile but now…it’s so hard.
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on my days off my wife and I often visited those places where we had our special occasions: restaurant where we had our first date/our high school(we were classmates), my uni( she used to visit me often when I lived in dorm), our first home after getting married, parks we took our daughter to, etc. Thinking of all the bittersweet memories we always congratulated ourselves that eventually we had gone through all tribulations and established such a loving family. All the difficulties seemed like blessings because our love wouldn’t be so great without them. In a word we were full of gratefulness and were looking forward to enjoy each other’s company the rest of life.
But we never know what life is in stock for us. Tomorrow is another day. Sending you hugs…
Oh not just ne, thought I’d opened up a can of worms x