Gosh…
For me, Some of the things I can’t do is listen to a particular radio channel, Classic FM at night, or at all at the moment. Ste would ask Alexa to play it and then tell her to turn off, sometimes 30 mins, sometimes.45 minutes ! I.can go through the history and hear him… I just can’t x x x I also.can not buy new bedding, I keep.trying, I go to.do it but just can’t x I have lots of firsts as we all do and more so because of lock down, so many things I will do in the future that 8 would have attempted already x What a pickle we are in x Keep taking those forward steps … we ate climbing this mountain, its a tough one but we are x
We were going to decorate our lounge after Christmas and would have discussed wallpaper, paint choices and eventually have come to a joint decision, now I can’t bring myself to choose something I like because he’s had no say in it. To be honest don’t even feel like its that important now he’s not here to share it. Also need some new mugs, but can’t bare to throw out the old ones, because he helped me choose them.
We certainly are in a pickle!! I knew that personal belongings would be difficult to deal with, but who would have thought I would have problems with mugs? 
Oh Sheila x you have some beautiful memories Steve and I were duo, we have so many songs that mean so much to us, even an original that we played at his service x I have recordings of us playing together that I can not watch x The one song that meant so much to us, Steve played so beautifully x It is Gloria Esterfan Don’t want to lose you now x x Everywhere by Fleetwood Mac, You to me are everything x Every one had meaning x x Its special to have those memories x x All my love x music is so special x x
Ian loved Carol Carpenter. At the church service we played ‘Superstar’ by the Carpenters. My daughter also asked for ‘Big River’ by Jimmy Nail as it is all about industries on the river Tyne. Ian and I worked and met at a defence company based on the Tyne. Ian and I also loved Northern Soul music so at the crem we played Jackie Wilson ‘Sweetest Moment’, and although not ‘proper’ Northern Soul John Newman ‘Love me Again’. Ever since his funeral the local radio station plays the Carpenters at least once a day. Breaks my heart. Today another tough day.
Take care all xxx
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Hi Sheila,
I too have a box full of memories, his comb, favourite magazines, cards he sent me, tickets for places we visited and many other silly little things that won’t mean anything to anyone else if they look in there. But they are things that remind me of him and all his little quirks, the things I don’t ever want to forget. X
All his other things are all exactly where he kept them, his watches and reading glasses on the dressing table. His clothes some still with tags on hung in the wardrobe. I have tidied his drawers, but put everything back except for his socks!!! I was always in trouble for wearing them anyway, so now they are in my drawer 
We too loved music and we met at a nightclub when he asked me to dance. Lots of big family parties over they years with us dancing and doing karaoke, in fact at his funeral we played New York New York because it was a tradition at the end of every party and he was always the last one off the dance floor. I can’t imagine any party ever being the same again without him by my side.
I’ve not really listened to music properly yet, and like you it was always on in the house, in the car etc. Hopefully will be able to eventually as his taste in music was amazing and very mixed from 50s right up to modern times.
We too loved Fleetwood Mac, and played Everywhere at his funeral too. They also allowed us to play it in the hospital as he passed away, so very very special.
Music is so very important and does hold many many memories.
Love and hugs xxxxx
I was doing the same the weekend sitting in the garden looking at the spring flowers thinking of my partner that he should be here with me, it is so hard as you feel so alone.
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I get this too. I see the signs of spring and the snowdrops and daffodils and I see my Grandad’s smiling face in my minds eye and hear his request for me to recite his spring poem every year. Just to check I’ve remembered it. Let me share with you all:
Spring is coming, spring is coming.
Birdies build their nests.
They weave together, straw and feather, doing each their best.
Spring is coming, spring is coming.
Flowers are coming too.
Pansies, lillies, daffodillies, now are coming through.
I feel guilty every second I have joy. Its been 2 months since he died. He should still be here-genuinely.
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Beautiful xx
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Hello all sunny and beautiful day. I would have taken my mum to garden centre had coffee and cake buy lots of plants for the garden and hanging basket all weekend we would argue where we will plant the flowers, how will it look putting all colours together. It is very hard as my husband keeps on telling me I want my wife back. I have lost big chunk of me but I will always grief for my mum.
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This is what I would have done with my late Husband, We would always go to a garden centre together etc it is very hard. Take care
I walked along seafront today. Mel always held my hand. Felt like half of me was missing. Nothing will ever be the same.
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Dear Sheila
My husband and I did similar activities together. I have been back to the seafront twice since he died in September. Sat in the car sobbing as I recalled all the conversations and chats we had together. I have booked a cottage for July on the Northumberland coast to scatter his ashes. The beauty spot is a family favourite so holds so many memories. Six months plus on this horrible journey can only take one day at a time. Some days still cannot believe that I have lost him - often feels like an out of body experience looking down on someone else and that I will wake from this nightmare and find him sitting in his favourite place on the settee opposite me waiting for me to make him a cup of tea.
Crying as I write this as so heartbroken. Life just so cruel.
It is so sad we all have to suffer this way. My mel was a good, kind and caring man. If there is a god, why does he make people suffer like this .reading the blogs people are still suffering 2yrs on. Is there any end to this??
The emptyness with in and around me is so unreal and I still feel like she will call my name out most days. It will be four months on Wednesday since my beloved Cristina passed. Christmas, new year and both my sons birthdays have passed in that short time. It hit me last night, thinking that mothers day is now approaching and my sons will take this so hard together with her birthday being a month away. I always had told them everyday is a mothers day 
.She was such a rock in all of our lives together with making all of these occasions so special for us and this is what makes it the hardest of all that we can’t give her it anymore. 
Love to all
Derv xx
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Had a good day yesterday, confused myself… jigging around singing, music 9n, got two new tyres on my car x Today, another story …4 months gone and so much pain and heart is broken. Sometimes, I think my mental health is shot, blasted into smithereens floating around and I can’t catch myself. This is my life now and the realisation simply breaks me. My gorgeous man loved my ability to he happy about 'just being and that’s what I aim for everyday. Working full time kind of stops me from falling and then I need the w.e. to grieve. However, due to absence of another colleague, I am called to abandon my job and teach, this means planning so I have a few hours of work to face before I sit.down and attend a Zoom open Mic with friends …dear friends who love me, my daughter will play… Steve and I used to perform, that’s gone. I can do a bit on my own with guitar but it hurts far too much right now… the day I obsess over guitar and new songs will be a step forward but it will happen. IM lost, so lost and I send a virtual hug to all of you because my understanding of your loss blows my mind … keep taking those steps forward my fellow grievers one step at a time x all my love x x
Bless you Cinder for your possitivity and in trying to find that so called strength to carry on each day. Having that good day from time to time for me to does help the day go by, but every time I lay my head down I still kiss her pillow and smell the head scarf that she was last wearing as I still to can’t bear being apart from her. Spent all week decorating my sons bedroom, and always thinking that she will pop her head in and make a suggestion and grab a brush and help as she always did.
Being a decorator Im still looking to find my string to my bow and the sons she had given me are the only ones that are keeping things real for me in going forward day by day. But Im always deeply thinking and feeling what they are going through which just chips away at me as they have so much of their mothers ways and attributes which in some ways brings her back to life and helps me take that next step.
x
It must be so hard for them, I can imagine x I spoke to my husbands ex wife yestersay and she is watxhibg his beautiful son go through this. I have been able, mostly to concentrate on myself, my grief which I think is a blessing and a curse x I’m avoiding setting up rituals as I am very pragmatic, we both were but, he never leaves my mind. I shed tears on the way home from work, I speak to him before I sleep, I ask him to help me make decisions. I curse him and laugh when he’s not here to help with stupid things . After my message, I picked up the guitar and sobbed all through a song, not easy listening lol x I felt he was here telling me to just wa8t, not to do it, stop thinking, you are the strong one, you know you can do this, you can do anything but you are playing the wrong rhythm lol x We sang so many songs that told a story in our lives and everyone, I can remember our perfectionism and how hard we worked to get then as good as possible acoustically x my music direct9r and guitarist is gone, he was that and much much more x I’m gonna brush up and d9 this work now.so I can meet up with friends on Zoom at 2 and the rest 9f the day will be mine x I’m not sure I am positive today but I will keep moving as we do x x x x
Dear Sheila
Thank you for sharing. I am struggling with having ian’s ashes at home. We had only lived here 3+ years when he died after having to sell the family home and a good few years of financial difficulties. We were just getting back on our feet and starting to look forward to be able to do things when he was so cruelly taken from us. I will join him when the time comes at the same location and visit the location frequently hoping that when the sun shines he is smiling down on me. Just so devastated.
Take care
Sheila xxx
Today was a good day or so I thought until an hour ago and then the pain washes over me again. Crying as if my heart will break.
I miss him so much.
So hard to explain but I know we all understand.
Love and strength to you all xxxxx
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Aww shiela, its so sad. We both loved the beach to. It doesn’t where i walk, everywhere there are reminders of mel. The little boy of 10yrs old, who lives opposite me. Just knocked door, clutching bunch of daffodils. Was crying his eyes out. Said sorry but i miss mel. Started me off. Bless him. Couldnt even give him a hug