Dear Jacko25
Fully understand. Similar experience everytime I walk into the empty house. In the dark nights started to leave the TV on but cannot do this now the nights are lighter. The pain is just unbearable. I feel so alone and afraid. I try not to think more than one day at a time - that’s the only way I can cope.
Take care
Sheila xxx
Me too Sheila, one day at a time.
Can’t plan anything, just see how I feel on the day. The sadness and loneliness are overwhelming, but I try to enjoy the moments that are happier.
Been pumping up footballs with my grandson this afternoon and then took him to the park, a little bit of normal, but not really because usually Geoff would have been with us too. Xxx
Take care. Jacky
Dear Jacky
I have been around to see grandson today. Our first grandchild, had his own battle first three months of his life but pulled through. My husband just adored him so much. Lockdowns permitting and as son and partner both key workers my husband was round there every day. It just breaks my heart that he will only know his granda from pictures.
Take care.
Sheila xxx
I miss having him be there always for comfort or advise me. Today my support bubble fell out amongst them and I’m in the middle of it. Everyone is distraught, I think it is grief as my family were close to my husband and each confided guilt to me over various things. It has been building since he died. Now I have no person I can tell my troubles in detail. we used to be such a harmonious lovely family. Now I am home again alone and want to talk about it but no one cares about me now. No one who is there all the time anyway. I miss being important to someone. specifically him. It’s so lonely now I agree.
Dear FleurDeLis
You are right, grief causes tensions within the family. Does not make our life any easier. I would normally discuss with my husband the family squabbles and he would assure me that things would sort themselves out, but we do not have that person to give us the re-assurance and the look or hug that gave us the comfort we needed. I just miss my husband so much.
Sheila xxx
All those words are so true, being important to someone, comfort, listening, the look, the hug, telling you it will be ok.
All the things we need now more than ever and can’t have from the one person who just ‘knew us.’ So so sad.
Take care all. Xxx
Mels ashes are still with me too. I couldnt vear to part with him. We will stay together until my time and then be scattered together. I talk to him all the time. I feel calmer and safe with him here. I still cry to him too. X
Hi Bubba, it’s strange how we change as time passes. At first I was worried about Geoffs ashes coming home to me, then when they did I had lots of ideas about scattering them in places we loved, and now like you I have decided that I want to keep them with me. Xxxxx
Best decision Jackie. They make me feel safe andcalm me down and i can talk to him. Xx
Wow. Thats sounds lovely. We had booked scotland as mel wanted to see the eagles flying free. People are saying to me that i should carry on and still do the trip for him, but i couldnt even think about going without him. X
Bristles, i am glad i am not alone. I did everything with mel. We didnt need dinner parties and meeting at pub. We had each other and that was enough for us both. Now that has come back to bite me. X
Hello @Bubba. I can quite understand that you don’t want to do the trip to Scotland to see the eagles without Mel. My husband and I used to go across Dartmoor every Maytime to a special place where we could listen to cuckoos. I could never go on my own as it would be a horrible reminder of my loss and would never feel the same.
Why does life have to feel so sad without them?
Love and light. x
Sheila, that in a wY is worse for you as you cared for him through his illness to. My sons and daughter have been marvelous but i feel the same, like a spare part. Like they feel they have to invite me as im alone. My daughter in law said they cant wait for restaurants to open and go out for dinner. I couldnt do that because i feel guilty eating without mel. My daughter asked my daughter in law to come and have a coffee with me as i was upset. She was working. Her reply was i cant i need my own time to. Made me feel worse. Trying to avoid being out. Staying in for time being. Sheila where is this going to end. Wish i had a friend too x
Hi lonely, im glad you got to spend time with your peter. Its a shock when it comes. My mel got taken in hospital, 18 days with covid, caught in there and then got leterally 10 mins with him and he died. Such a shock. Expected them to make him feel better. I dont like going out either. His remains are here with me and i dont like leaving him for to long. I have a little shrine for him. I take pride in looking after it and putting fresh roses there with him. My children think i should take it away but i cant. Its my way of being near to him and i can talk to him to. This site is great for talking about how we are all feeling. We are all going through the emotions. Xx
Hi Bubba, I too was lucky to be with Geoff when he died even tho he was on the ventilator, I did get to hold his hand and say goodbye.
I also have his ashes on my dresser with his photo, his phone which I decided to keep paying his contract for. I can still look at texts we sent and his photos and his music choices are on there too.
At Christmas I put a glass of wine and a big box of chocolates next to him and on Valentines day a card to him in heaven.
All of those things help me to feel closer to him.
Last year he bought me a new camera and I experimented with it in the house. I took a photo of him in his chair, he’s sat just like he always did, with a cup of tea next to him and flicking through his phone. I’ve put it in a frame and have it next to me when I’m watching t.v. It all helps doesn’t it?
Anything to keep them with us. Xxxxx
Love and hugs. Xxxxx