Hello sheila thank you for your message ,i also had a long very happy married life he was the love off my life ,i love my son ,daughter and my grandchildren and my son in law there is nothing that they would not do for me ,so like you and many more off us in this fog we are luck ,but i dont seem to be able to feel anything i feel like my insides have died ,i can no longer read or watch the tely cant even write in my diary any more its like my light has gone out and i cant even find a flicker .I am so sorry sheila aboutyour barney ,i have just had my daughters two dogs for a month they were hard work but i love them both dearly and they did make me smile now and again .i wonder if it ever gets any better to the point where you can face another day with out wanting to scream .my love to you all take care x x
Hello again thanks for your message it has made me feel a little better as some days i think that i am going mad ,like you said when you have been together from very joungyou grow into each other ,and as much as i love my children and grandchildren cuddling them as lovely as it is nothing will ever compare with cuddling my Dennis .i have a large garden i had up untill my Dennis died one hundred and fourty plant pots i have noe given most off them away as i know i will never do much with the garden again ,just keep it tidy ,i am sorry for being so glum .i have just had my daughters two dogs for a month as she has been away on business, they went back on sunday and i really do miss them .i used to take a smsll walking group out every week and i feel so quilty as i just cant face taking them any more ,i have stopped my joga ,and badminton all off which i loved but i have no motivation to do any thing sorry again for being so glum as i know you feel awfull your self .my love for now take care x
Good evening sheila thank you for your lovely message ,you are very clever i started computer lessons befor my Dennis died but i really am not very good half the time i cant find full stop commers etc ,but when i get really stuck i ring my son in Canada and he puts me right .i dont drive either ,so i have taxi but i feel very uncomfortable in them on my own .i have Sheila come to bed as i am so tired i am hpoing to sleep but will be up very soon no dough making tea .Do you feel your peter round you all the time ,as i dont feel my Dennis and i throught that i would i feel so lost and alone at times ,good night take care x
hi Sheila ,I hope that you have had a bit better day I have had a long empty one ,like you and many more like us I no longer deck the house in fact I have given lots off away .I now donate to charity and don’t send cards .very sad I know but that’s how it is .I have cooked the Christmas’s dinners every year for fifty years ,even last year but not much got eaten so not bothering this year .I walked around this large empty house tonight and remembered when we had cats rabbits,and we were always dog sitting , my children friend were in out all the time ,I had all the family party here .mum dad sixty anniversary etc and I think about how many have now gone ,all them lovely times I wish now I had enjoyed them more as I often would dread all the cleaning up .but my Dennis was always hands on we were a team .it all still some days feels like a dream and I am going to wake up ,and we are once again laughing kissing and just being us take care love for now Teresa
Hello Sheila, I was reading your post last night and it touched a cord with me. My husband was a Pete. We had been married for 33 years and he was a part of me. I knew what he was going to do or say before he did it. I could read his mind. I too would give anything to go back and live our lives together over again exactly the same apart from him smoking. He died from heart failure and smoking was a major reason for this, he was 64 years old. I had moaned & moaned to him for years about stopping, my mother (a heavy smoker as well) had died at 66 years old due to heart failure. I don’t think people realise the damage smoking does. I have just had an eye operation as well. I wondered how I would get on with the operation without him but realised he would have been useless on the day. Not one to go to the doctors my Pete, that didn’t help him in the end either. Things may have been different if he had taken more care of his health. Still there’s no point in what iffs and wishing things were different, they aren’t and so I just have to move on and be thankfull for the life we did have together and the memories that only he & I shared together, our beautiful children and grandchildren. So like you did I take the dog for walks, do the garden and keep the house tidy although it all seems so pointless now. Sorry if this has upset you but your post did really sound just like me as I often wonder how I would survive without the dog. (She had been Pete’s dog). Xxxx Brownie
evening Sheila hope you eventually got to sleep I read your message twice as I could not sleep ,then my tablet just gave up .then Internet went down ,nothing to earth shattering I know but I could have screamed any little thing these days seem to stress me .I am glad it was all good news with your eyes .I had my flue jab last week .I have Sheila been feeling awfull .walking into empty house don’t help I will never get used to it .I really do now have more understanding off the poor thing that suffer with depression .in the middle off the night when you can’t sleep yet again your mind just takes you any where .someone yesterday said to me well Teresa I have had enough now I am ready to go (she is very ill)and it made me think we are ill and in my case I feel half dead any way .how bad is that .my daughter .my smon .grandchildren.y could not cope with any more there still all so shattered .I hope Sheila that you get some sleep tonight I am struggling to see this as I am on my phone .will go looking for new tablet on Monday if I can motivate my self take car e my love for now .I would like to private message you when I get my new pad if that okay night x
Hello Sheila and Teresa. Both your postings are so real to me. My husband died in June after a fall, and I suppose that I should be grateful that we had 66 years together. Not all that many widows/widowers can say that. It was inevitable that one of us would be left alone but I still can’t bear living on my own. I am now 86 and live in a retirement flat where pets are not allowed, otherwise I would get a cat for company. Your comments about children working away are very true for me too. Mine pop in to see me when they can but when they leave to go home to their families, I feel lonelier than ever. I wonder what we can do. There are quite a few things going on here in Petersfield where I live but it takes a mammoth effort to go out and join them. I seem to spend a lot of time just going out for walks but with winter upon us it is not going to be very easy. Roll on Spring and lighter evenings. I wish you both well and hope that in a while we will all be feeling a bit better. Best wishes. Eileen
hello Sheila I hope that you have managed to get some sleep I have now got my Internet thank goodness .my daughter is flying in from Germany tomorrow and taking me for a new lap top as I can’t do with this little phone .I have missed your messages , I have had a bad week in terms off thing going wrong , first the light s blown ,then the shower curtain fell down ,then a big spider was in my sink ,all them little thing that get me so upset and flustered I find my self saying ho Den what have you done to me ,I can’t do this life on my own without you , but I will as we all will,
good night take care x
hello virgo thank you for your message I feel so sorry for you ,I wish that I could make you feel a little better ,I wish I could make us all feel better .you had lots off lovely years together ,but it’s never enough and it never would be .I miss vergo all the little thing like my Dennis making me cup tea slice toast etc .I think that the loneliness is the worst as choose how you love your children and family you can never really be your true self with them as you were with your husband .take care my love for now x
Good morning, Theresadeno. I hope you had a good night’s sleep although I see you posted after midnight. I do manage to sleep most nights with the aid of a little pill but hope to wean myself off them soon. I truly believe that our biggest problem is living alone after being with someone for many years. The terrible rawness I felt after Bill died seems to have gone but I miss him so much. As you said, it’s the little things you miss. I hate spiders and it was always Bill who disposed of them, so I can imagine your feelings when you came across one. I think it would be nice to nice to keep in touch on here if only to see each other’s progress, which must come, surely? Take care. Eileen xx
hello Eileen , I hope that you have managed to have a pleasant day .my daughter flew in from Germany today so we are just sat here chatting ,she is off to London on Monday so I will enjoy her company whilst I can ,she gets very upset with me as I won’t go back to Germany with her but I have been there more than I have been in my own home since my Dennis died ,and I will never get used to being on my own if I keep going there .she says she can’t bear thinking about me here on my own .well Eileen it been very cold damp here today but still managed to get out and sweep all the leaves up ,another job my Dennis always did .I do hope as you said Eileen that sooner or later we will see some light at the end off this long lonely tunnel take carey love for now jx
hello Sheila hope you managed to have a pleasant day ,my daughter flew in from Germany today so we have just sat chatting , she is now fast asleep.I have Sheila felt very bad tempered today dispitre my daughter being here and I have to be very car full as she picks up on it and she will be wanting me to go back with here to Germany ,I really don’t know today what I want I am just so sad and lost .well Sheila it been very cold and windy damp day here today , and I don’t know about you but I feel the cold a lot more than I used to , getting older I suppose .my daughter Mary is taking me for a new tablet tomorrow so I will feel better when I have that .I hope you sleep tonight ,you are very clever with your lap top I wish that I was my love for now Teresa
hello Sheila thank you for your message they always make me feel better ,and not so alone ,any your right I don’t like leaving my Dennis here on his own ,and not many people could understand that .I also still live in our family home ,my John was five when we moved here he is now fifty two so all our happy time were here .my Jessica my grandaughter is now twenty five she lives in Spennymoor county Burham,but comes and stays with me on her days off ,my grandson is twenty four and he also comes regular ,It has now gone full sircle as they now fetch there partners .
my Dennis lover them both dearly as they did him ,I think that we worry more over our grad children than we did over our own .I am due shortly to go out for lunch with all my badminton friend (I don’t go anymore )but they still ring me and pop in for coffe ,well Audrey is eighty and I have promised to go and I am not looking forward to it at all as most off them are couples and I just feel awfull sat there pretending to be smiling at there jokes ,and if I am having one off my really bad days I can’t seem to hide it .I don’t know about you Sheila but I can no longer constrait when people are talking it just seem to go in one ear and out off the other ,and sometimes I just want to say shut up as I don’t care ,how awfull is that ,I find that some pop in to see you and just want to talk about them self ,and I just sit there praying for them to leave .I have thought
and felt thing that I never thought that I could .well Sheila thanks for listening going to see if I can sleep .I was like you wide awake at three with my mind going into overdrive take care my love for now Teresajh
Good morning Sheila.
I do hope that you have managed to sleep a bit better ,I was still roaming the house at six o’clock this morning ,but I had company as my granddaughter is here with here partner ,thay could not sleep either ,whilst there not here thay can forget for a while but it bring it all back to here when she here .well Sheila I am going to see a counsellor this morning I don’t think it’s really for me but we will see ,as some days I think I can’t go on like this ,I get up every day hoping to feel a spark just any thing ,but no this horrid lost empty feeling never goes away .They say sooner or later you learn to accept that your love one is never coming back but I don’t see that ever happening ,I can’t bear the thought that I will never see my Dennis again .I can imagine how much hard work your grandchildren are when they stay over when there two off you it’s lots easier .I have my new tablet now but it seem to be taking me a while to get used to it ,I wish I was as clever as you with it,take care my love for now Teresa .I will get my granddaughter to show me how to do private message if that is still okay x
Morning Eileen I hope all is well with you ,take care love for now Teresa
Hello Teresa. I wish I could say that all is well with me but I never seem to feel any different, and wonder how much longer this will go on. Sometimes I think that I am getting better but then that black cloud comes over me and I am back to square one. To be honest I don’t think that any of us will make progress until Christmas has been and gone. Then we can look forward to Spring and longer daylight. The dark evenings and mornings don’t help. It’s great that you, Sheila and I can keep talking on here. I am still waiting for an appointment with Cruse but whether or not it will help I don’t know. Best wishes. Eileen xx
Hi Sheila I hope you managed to get some sleep I can’t seem to get to sleep any night till gone six and they are long long lonely night’s. I have had another rotting week as my boiler has now packed in and I am sat here with oil filled radiators ,my daughter is once again very upset that I won’t go over to Germany with her as she flew back in to London tonight on her way back home to Germany and she wanted to come get me . All my life Sheila I have believed that we would someday day meet our loved ones ,but since my Dennis died I am no longer sure ,I seem at times to have lost all my faith ,i think if we knew for sure that they were waiting for us ,why cant we get some comfort from that , i cant as i seem to get no comfort from any thing at the end off the day I just want him back as we all do and that’s not going to happen is it i just wish that i could accept that he has gone but i cant .I dont think Sheila that counselling is for me as i have never been the good at talking about my feeling (that how we were brought up just get up get on with it )only my Dennis knew the real me but i will go next week as i said i would and i will tell her it not for me ,there no point in taking a slot that might benefit some one else …your so right about friend and relative you certainly know who you can relie on but I must say that I have been very luck ,my brother comes twice a day my sister’s phone twice a day and I have thankfully a few good friends . I have never been had my nails done my Jess, my granddaughter is always wanting to take me I might just go the next time she comes .I have Sheila been shopping tonight with my friend and neighbournext door ,there is only five off us left that have been living here for years ,the changer round here are not for the best but I suspect that it happening every where my love for now take care Teresa I
Hello Sheila I do hope that you managed to get some sleep ,and your cold is a lot better ,I had the flue jab thirty two years ago and I was so I’ll I never had it again .I only had it as my Dennis had just had his first major heart attack .I wonder Sheila I f we will ever get used to walking into a empty house ,I walk in and chat away to him but I never get answered I hate it ,I am off out later with my sister Bern we as doing the tea time club for the elderly just few games tea coffee etc and the nuns and priest come and they have a little service ,it get them out and they enjoy it .I wish I was as clever as you with computers this is my there message as I somehow lost the other two ,my love for now keep warped up and warm Teresa
Hello Eileen I hope that your feeling a little better ,but as you say we might all feel better when Christmas is over .my daughter got me a new tablet and I am not used to it ,as this is my there message to you as I somehow lost the last two .I think Eileen choose how good your family are they can’t take away the empty lost feeling ,that losing our partner leaves behind and the loneliness, as k now one will really know us as they did ,I hope that your appointment comes soon and it helps you ,I don’t think that we will ever comes to terms with it but we must somehow learn to live with it ,my love for now take care Teresa
Hello, Teresa. Lovely to hear from you as I have been having one of my black days when all I want to do is cry. I have been out four times, just walking around or sitting in the library, and have just come back to my empty flat. The evenings are the worst, especially as there is not much on TV to take your mind off things. I also feel that my family think I should have come to terms with losing Bill but I never will. All we can hope is that there will come a time when the grief is not as raw, and we can try to get along without our loved ones. At the moment that seems impossible. Take care and keep in touch. It does help. Eileen xxx