Being on my own

I dont want to be on my own . I want to be with my husband. We have been together for 52 years and married for 49 … It’s 3 months since he died . It’s so blooming hard being on your own when somebody has been part of my life for so long . I feel i been forced into something i have no control over . The decisions i have to make on my own ,whereas we shared everything
We were an affectionate couple ,always telling each other we loved each other . Kissind ,when we met in doorways, steps, etc . Before either of us went out and soon as we met up again . We wake up in night holding hands . We laughed and cuddled . And now it’s all gone and im on my own
Yes i have family and friends, but they have their lives, and i want to hear people/couples go on holiday .
I want that ,i want what they have got . Why cant i still have that . I dont want to be without my husband
Sorry its just a bad day today


…me too :heavy_heart_exclamation:


Yes me also. I feel cheated of our life together. Every day is a bad day for me.x


And me. Had bad week and it’s continuing today …no let up… My sadness, loneliness and missing seem to have suddenly upped and become even more intense…I didn’t even think that would be possible :sleepy::broken_heart:

Hugs to you all :hugs:


Dear Shewitch, I am the same. I cannot believe that I will not see my beloved husband again. Every time when I see and hear the train going by I think he is on his way home but I know that it is just an illusion because I have his urn in our bedroom. I am crying for the last three days and nights trying to keep myself busy by going to the library or weeding in front of the house but nothing works. I just want to scream the whole time. I am living on Kalms and Nytol but it seems to wear off quite quickly now. Is there any hope for us? Hugs from Anna


No need to apologise for this .i feel the same way


I know honey … im having ( another ) bad day today too ! Been down to our allotment and all i could hear was his voice - bossing me about saying deb do this, do that lol ! It made me cry … im gonna try go down when nobody is about … they all really kind its just if i wanna cry i can :slight_smile: im planting some seeds in his memory … he picked them last year and never got chance to plant them ! :frowning:
I came home and cried and told him how much i loved him … i still love him so much xx


Me too! Having an absolutely awful day. It’s my husband’s birthday on Monday and I think this is making me worse. It’s only been 7 weeks but I feel like I’m right back at the start. We were married for nearly 35 years and I just miss him so much. I’ve never been so lonely in my life. Sorry for the negativity but I just can’t find anything positive today.


I’m so sorry that you are having a rubbish time.
But remember you NEVER need to apologise for anything you say on here.
Virtual hugs :hugs::hugs:


Aw know how you feel xx


Hi @Annaessex I was weeding the garden today but I was constantly thinking of my husband and what he would be doing in he garden as he always kept it so lovely. It’s in a bit of a mess at the minute (a bit like myself) but I’m trying my best. It all seems such a chore now and so pointless without him. Would you believe I started this post hours ago and got distracted and only just realised that I hadn’t finished it. You take care.x


I’m also had a bad few days…5 months ago I said goodbye to my husband went to work and never saw him again as he died the next day and I missed him by a few minutes. We also had plans and should of been in Cyprus last week. Life indeed is unfair and cruel. Christmas will never be the same again :broken_heart::broken_heart:


Do you think sunshine makes our grieving a bit worse ? Cos in a way i do …
People are happy in the sunshine and we are sad :pensive: im all for bring ok but im not gonna put on fake happiness just to make everyone ese feel.better …


I agree completely.
It’s also about the long, bright days in summer time, and how people spend more times outside. Talk about holidays etc
I can’t wait for winter and cold, dark days when you can hide inside behind closed curtains earlier.
Lots of people hate night time after the loss of a partner. It’s not that I like night times (they are horrible and hard and sleeping is a challenge) but I hate the mornings even more…really HATE…another day without my Phil, and another day further away from when we were together.
The sun shining through the window definitely makes it worse.
Lots of us seem to have had a really hard, horrid day yesterday…I hope today is a bit less horrid…
Hugs :hugs::hugs:


Morning Jan. Ofcourse your husbands birthday on Monday will be making your grief worse. Anniversaries and special days are so difficult. All our feelings are intensified.
Sending you lots of love and hugs today, and ofcourse for tomorrow.

We are all different, and all deal with our grief in different ways.
I have kept cards over the years. And on my husband’s birthday (6 weeks after he died) I found some of his cards from last year and put them up.

For Christmas, valentines and our anniversary me and my husband had a tradition of using the same cards every year , so they go up, as they always did
Our wedding anniversary in August was only one day after he died. So don’t really feel like I’ve done that milestone yet.:broken_heart:


Thanks @Cathphil yeh i went to our allotment and i could hear him talking to me ( obviously not literally but in my memory ) oh that was so hard … was crying my eyes out while i dug the soil … im going to plant the seeds he picked last year and never got chance to do :frowning: its so very sad for us isnt it ? All theres loving memories and theyre not here anymore to share with xx


@Cathphil thank you for your kind words. Yesterday was one of the worst days I’ve had. Hoping today is a bit better. I agree about the sunshine. Everyone having fun getting on with their lives while we are stuck in this nightmare definitely doesn’t help. Take care


Dear, grieving friends,
at least here, we can be honest. It’s such a relief to drop the mask for a while and share our feelings with people who understand. Thank you all for being there.
Cathphil, we too used to take out all the cards we had sent to one another over the years and as we acdded to them, I to find more and bigger boxes. Many of them were handmade and it was always exciting to see the new creations. If the card was a bought one, there was always a lovingly created message to treasure.
Yes, I too dread the mornings, oftening wakening in tears but if not, they soon follow, as the realisation of another day to get through, hits me. I go to bed in dread and fear too, barricading myself in and checking the cameras and alarms I gave installed all over the house. I want the respite of sleep but hate the thought of having to wake up again.
People tell me it will be better in the Summer, with long days. What do they know? The sun and long days remind me of all we would be doing together - days out on the spur of the moment, short trips for a couple of nights and simple meals taken in the garden. Summer also brings the excited plans of insensitive friends, their endless countdowns and preparations followed by a relentless avalanche of laughing photos of happy meals or exotic scenery. Why do they do this? How do they think I am affected by seeing puctures of couples dancing, eating together or holding hands beside some place of interest?
I know many of you here can identify with this and I wonder how you deal with it?
I don’t want to be made to feel mean, envious or begrudging. I want to be happy for friends enjoying themselves. I don’t begrudge them that at all. Some of them have had health or other problems and deserve a break but please, don’t rub salt into my wound.
One friend, who lives quite a sybaritic life anyway, is forever telling me how she needs to get away, how much she needs a break - a break from what? Why does she need a break from her lovely house and garden, from her trips to the beauty salon, nail bar and hairdresser? Why does she need a break from her family gatherings, dinner parties with friends and meals out? This is the friend who tells me that my life can’t be spent grieving, that I must get out and enjoy myself. The fact that I am not independently mobile never crosses her mind. How do I get out - where, with whom, do what? She has never once offered to help me to go out.
My husband and I lived quite differently, quietly content in each other’s company. He was my joy and I his. On this forum, there will be others like us and also those like my friend, who enjoyed parties and travelling. After this loss, we are in the same boat - so very much alone, whether at home in solitary confinement or in the middle of a crowd. The silence inside us is the same.
Thank you, anyone who has stayed with me this far. I may not have put it very well because coherent, consecutive thought is still having to fight its way through the brainfog but just being able to tell someone, is a relief in my lonely unhappiness.
God bless us all.


Dreading our club charity event next month as i used to nip home to see sue wanted anything or she would say come and pick me up for a few hours .everyone loved sue being there for a short while and its not going to be the same without her .one of our friends said to my daughter aderlaide at least dad will be able to stop the whole weekend now .my daughter went mad at her. I now keep the friend and i use the term loosely now at arms length especially after two of the photos she took of sue and myself outside scunthorpe hospital. She told my daughter she was going to give them to me before the funeral my daughter said i will ask dad first but no on the week before the funeral she gave me the two photos i can’t look at them so put them in a draw .she took them two weeks before sue passed brings me to tears to look at them.i will never forgive jude for it


Oh Martyn I so get that …about having to be near to home all the time, and popping home to check all was okay.

For last few years and definitely after COVID and all the lockdowns my husband was very poorly and couldn’t really do much on his own. I had to help him dress, wash and get all his food and drinks, and deal with his stoma bag, all his medication of which there was a lot.
I worked full time, but fortunately my work only 10 mins away so would rush home to sort all lunchtime needs. ( And sometimes other times if needed, like if his stoma bag leaked)
And at weekends when doing necessary stuff like grocery shopping … always as quickly as I could manage.

And at home never went anywhere without him, declining work dos, coffee out with friends etc
Missing family occasions…they all live two hours drive, and it was impossible to be out of house for more than two/three hours as my husband needed breathing machines.

But me and Phil would go to pub every teatime for an hour or so. A real effort for us both, me to help him get ready, and him because everything was so hard work for him. But it was so important for us to LIVE LIFE … And it was his get out of the house time, and my sit down for an hour time.
He had a mobility scooter which folded up and down. So we’d trundle of up the road together, him on his scooter and me walking our dog, (and in last couple of weeks carrying our new puppy) while pushing his three wheel walker, because he needed that for inside the pub.(couldn’t use the scooter inside)

Anyway I digress a bit - but getting to point…

Since he died people have said things like-

You did so much for him, time to do things for yourself now!!
And at work - well at least you’ll be able to come out with us now on our work dos
And family (!!!) … so you can come and see us now!!!

SO YES I UNDERSTAND about that comment to your daughter about bring able to stay all day…


Why don’t people think before they speak and say such crass, insensitive things.

I’ve got two dogs …and when people say all the above , I now use the dogs , I still come home everyday from work at lunchtime to see our dogs, and decline invitations out with others because of the dogs.

Much love Martyn and everyone.
(I’m glad you’ve got your daughter on your side, and proud how she told that ‘friend’ where to go.

Hugs :hugs::hugs::hugs: