being told to do what Jayne would of wanted

having read several topics over the last month or so.some have said they had spoke to their partners and been told to live and not dwell of the loss.
im one of what seems quite a few who did not ever have that conversation with each other as regards what we should do if one of us was cease to be.
I cannot say id of wanted Jayne to find another if I was first to go.i just know my love for Jayne was strong and I just wish id had time tell her how much she meant to me,that she had made my life so special and I was so proud of her academic achievements whilst in a full time stress full job.And being the male house wife was ok with long as Jayne was happy with me taking that role others including Jaynes family could bleep bleep etc etc …….I never said that by the way, its a feeling ive got, as to reasons behind their very nasty attitude, and behaviour towards me when Jayne left this world.when we first moved in,i would have to go to the post office to pay the gas and electric bills.seems odd now everything is done online or by direct debit.i contributed to the finances up until 2006.when Jayne decided after all the crap I had to go through with the job center when my dad departed this mortal coil.The hoops having to be jumped through to continue job seekers ,the lack of empathy or support .think bereavement support was zero.hope things have changed as regards your dads or mums that time my job seekers was stopped as I was classed as not being able look for work.the letter Jayne wrote them,ive got a cope some where but Jayne wrote as if it was from me and pointed out that I would not be bending over back wards for pennies any more cant remember but basically I wouldn’t be going to sign on ever again.
I was now officially the house wife.and my darling Jayne was the bread winner very hard working very caring lady who was everything and more that any red blooded male could ever want to be part of their lives.
not really sure why Jayne loved me,i can think of loads of reasons I loved Jayne.maybe thats another reason why Jaynes parents hate me so much they couldn’t see why Jayne their only daughter was with what they now consider to be a dead like to think I had qualities that Jayne loved about me.i cannot know 100 percent I just know I loved Jayne and she loved me.
and im lying here typing knowing as each day passes since I lost Jayne I miss her more.
on this site the way I feel about the loss of my soulmate Jayne is of no real help to others in my position ive no real answers as to how to make the loss bearable or how to cope or make a person whose lost a loved ones life any easier.and reading my posts cannot convey that life becomes any easier.sorry for that.mostly I just live my life as if my baby Jayne was with me all b e its in spirit only.but thats my only real coping mechanism and I still shed tears every day as im missing Jayne so much.
sorry for my droning over so much old ground but my thought processors are nigh on none existent .
regards and prayers that everyone finds a way to cope

Hi. Ian. First of all I have to say your posts are sad, but that’s to be expected. Your love was obviously very deep. To say that your posts are no real help is not true. While we can only pass on our thoughts we do care. All of us on here do. It’s what it’s about. Someone who reads your posts will resonate with them. You don’t ‘drone on’. If you do then we all do.
While time may not help I still feel there is hope. But we all see this awful experience in different ways. When I read your posts I realise how inadequate words can be. Take care.


thank you very much for your kind words Jonathan.

3 posts were split to a new topic: We were a perfect match

She did know how much she meant to you. She knew by your actionsx

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thank you Pam