Thanks Tim, it’s been a busy couple of days. Feeling sick as the funeral approaches. I don’t know if we will spend Christmas with them this year as my niece and her husband both work and I don’t think they get the holidays off. But I’ll be with my dad and boyfriend and our daughter and we’ll do our best to make Christmas magical for her, it’s also her birthday a week before Christmas so it will be a busy time. I just find myself thinking that time will come and go and I’ll still be thinking of my mum as I’m sure you will be too, and I don’t think it’s something we need to get over we’re allowed to miss them for as long as we’re alive. Their absence will affect us at all times especially holidays but also day to day. Like you I’m also arranging most of the funeral myself, but my mum has 3 siblings also who came to the hospital with us and will be in attendance and they’ve been telling me stories about my mother when she was young which has been nice to hear, as they’ve known her all their lives I can only imagine the affect of losing your sibling too. I keep waiting for the funeral to be over but once that’s over I’m sure many people expect you to move on with your life and start to feel better. During the days I am alright as I’m kept busy but at night when my daughter is asleep I have all the time in the world to sit and think about her. I hope she is close to me but a part of me is afraid that she’ll reincarnate and move onto a new life, I’ve always sort of believed in that. And whilst I hope she’s around and has the choice to do what she wants, I hope she just chooses to stay by me. It is an awful long time though she’d need to wait but I think she would do that for me. We had such a close bond when I was a small child everyone in the family knows it, I never wanted anyone but my mum and as she didn’t work I got all that time with her. And I know if she’s still here she will be sad that she isn’t with me to talk to me. I’ve mentioned I have a sister and their relationship was strained to say the least but there was still love I think. But with me it was different and my sister knows that too. It makes me sad that I still have a whole lot of life left to live and I feel I’m being punished in a way. But I need to remember we’re all going through it that’s why we’re all on this forum, it’s not a lone experience it’s pretty universal. I wish it was talked about more. And I understand now that no one has any idea how it feels until they’ve experienced it themselves and once you have it’s like learning a whole new emotion that you can never really put away, we just have to learn to live with the sadness.
Hope you and everyone feeling this is okay tonight. It’s been nice hearing your experiences with your mum and I’m so glad you got her around until she was 95 and that she fought so hard to stay with you. If she fought that hard in this life I’m sure she will also in the next one, fight hard to stay close by you I mean. And I hope she’s with your father and brother right now too. I think Mother’s Day will be especially difficult forever now. And forever seems like an awfully long time and the only calmness I feel is when I realise one day I’ll be 70 or 80 and meeting them again. Trying hard to remember I have to carve out a life first and every day will be different I’ll have good days and bad days and I just have to learn to live with feeling this now.
Much love, Amy
Hello Amy, thankyou for your lovely communication, like you, I think off my mother every day, there is no evidence that we reincarnate into another creature, on the night after my brother died he came and haunted me in my bedroom as I was going to sleep and the movement activated battery light in my room rent berserk and every time it timed out I heard it being hit to make it come on, I called out to my brother and asked if that was him and the light rent out and stayed out, I tested the light the following morning, nothing wrong with it, I raised this matter in the Eulogy to my brother at his funeral and later learnt a close friend of his had a similar experience the same night some 50 miles away, on another occasion when I roke up I momentarily saw him standing in the door way of my bedroom looking at me, I think you will find that our loved ones are never far from us, my clervoyant assured me that all my family are know together in the next life, this, together with my own experience is very strong evidence that we continue on after this life or ‘return to the pavilion’ as I put it, my mum loved watching the cricket and before she was married would watch the Dalton cricket with her mother during the summer every week.
I was so lucky that my mother was there for so long, and yes, after the funeral people go back to there humdrum lives and one is expected to pick up the pieces and carry on,I have been advised I may have another 30 odd years to put in by my clairvoyant and at 63 not out I do not relish the thought of growing old alone but that is what so many of us have to do, some 30% of households are a single occupant and there are a lot of old people living alone in Grange(they call it gods waiting room) and yes, one day you will be back with your mother and I will be back with my mother, you mention a long time to wait, but I suspect the time scale is probably very different, 50 years in this life might be just 5 minutes in the next, everything is interconnected, space,time, you,me, nature, matter,antimatter(may well account for the missing matter in the universe astronomers know is there but cannot detect) and everything else, Stephen Hawking was working on the theory of everything, I think you will find if we understood how everything is interconnected we could work out the answer to everything, but maybe we are not supposed to know everything in this life, I say learn all you can in this life, it will help you in the next, your memory and your knowledge go with you, that is the one thing you DO take out of this world when you pass on.
You say you are feeling sick as the funeral approaches and that is understandable, take some paracetamol every four hours for the next few days and it will help you cope, keep of alcohol, it is a depressant and will make you feel worse in the long run, you must focus your attention on your own health and your child’s health, grief can make you feel really ill as it did me and it is a lot worse then a common cold and can turn into depression, high blood pressure, apathy, self neglect, insomnia and a host of other medical problems, it is not uncommon to be ill after a severe bereavement
and the medical profession is at last realising this, don’t be to hard on yourself or expect to much of yourself, I know you are going through the worst days of your life, I was effectively alone the moment my mother passed and I lost that last link with my child hood,my immediate family, and the war years, a pivotal part of history as my whole life changed in an instant leaving me bereft, how did you hear of this site so soon?, I did not know of them for weeks afterwards have said I just stayed in my sleeping bag, and I did take paracetamol.
At least you will have your father, daughter and boyfriend this christmas, I know its not the same after a death and it never is and for me will be a constant reminder of my mother, we must remember the happy times Amy, I shall think off you and pray for you on Friday, it is a time for courage and a time for faith, be brave, be strong, and hold your head high, one day, the sun will shine upon you again.
Love and blessings
Tim XXXX
My mum also died in July. I can’t believe how much I miss her and keep crying so much. The loss is terrible. I think people don’t want to know because it’s been 3 months. I feel I’ve lost my purpose. I just can’t get over it.
Yes thats me i talked to my mum about everything & now i dont & my stepdad isnt a talker obviously hes still grieving to & my brother got his girlfriend & i dont have anybody i think if i wasnt on happy tablets i wouldnt be here tbh …
Hi Lynn, I know ware you are coming from, 3 months is nothing and if you suddenly find yourself basically alone in the world then it can be very hard indeed, my mother died in January and I was suicidal, I still have good days and bad days and I expect more of the latter with christmas coming up and I expect to be alone for much of it for the first time in my life, (I expect my sister in law will want to see her brother near Church Stretton)christmas will never be christmas again and I will probably get myself some happy pills and stay in bed, somehow we must rebuild our lives and that is easier said then done, that, is the long term and is something we all have to deal with, for me the death of my mother is recent, for you even more so, in life, us in death, like players on a stage, we have to take the part that’s handed to us, we do not always get to write the script, have courage, have faith, and yield not to that voice in the back of your mind telling you you cannot go on,reach out to others if you feel the need for it, we are all on this site for the same reasons and together.God bless youXX
Tim
Hi there, you say your dog keeps looking for your mother?, I am interested in clairvoyance and the paranormal and am slightly clairvoyant, dogs are sometimes used by paranormal investigators because they can pick up things that we cannot, it is more likely then not that your mother is still with you in spirit form and the dog can sense your mothers presence and possibly even see her, I had a similar experience the night after my twin brother died(a photoelectric light went berserk in my bedroom and kept coming on, sounded as if it was being hit with something, a close friend of my brothers had a similar experience the same night) stay safe, care for yourself and if greaving heavily take paracetamol every 4 hours BUT NOT FOR MORE THEN 5 DAYS WITH OUT CONSULTING A DOCTOR and avoid alcohol, it is a depressant and make you worse in the long run, take life one day at a time and don’t expect too much from your self, you will have good days and bad days and yes, it is a form of illness and grief, if not handled properly can become physical and mental health problems(I am suffering a form of ptsd and hypertension purely from what I have been through with my mother) its not like a common cold as you know, take care and keep your chin up.
Tim
Tim, I hope you’re having a day of strength. My dog was acting out of character last night, refusing to sit where my Mum often sat. I hope that means what I want it to mean.
Many of us here have experienced something unexplainable, like what you’re describing. It’s quite comforting to hear them especially with the similarities.
Have you tried any talking therapies to ease some of your load? I’m so sorry you have physical effects and PTSD, how do you feel for public speaking because I’m sure you could help a lot of people if it’s something you would be up for and it might give your pain a new way to express itself?
Thanks Tim, I have had some paracetamol tonight, I do feel sick and haven’t been eating the same. I’ve lost some weight as has my dad neither of us have had much of an appetite. By this time tomorrow my mother will be buried with my gran (my fathers mother as per her wishes so he can be with them both in time). I am just nervous for the funeral as it is such a big day and everyone will be asking how I am doing or offering kind words which is lovely but will set me off in being upset even more.
I hope you are not alone this Christmas Tim I can sense it means alot to you and just know I’ll be thinking of you, you do whatever you need to do to get through that time. Just look after yourself just because you are physically alone doesn’t mean you’re truly alone.
Thanks and I truly hope that she won’t reincarnate especially not before meeting me again. She promised she’d wait for me so I hope she stays true to that promise and I’m sure she will.
I was on Instagram and had been looking up grief accounts and this popped up and I decided to look into it. I am so glad I did. I just want to say I’ve looked forward to your messages every day you truly have a way with words and you have cheered me up quite a bit when I read your replies.
You’re right I don’t think we are supposed to know everything. Whatever we are all here for or to do, the meaning would be gone if we knew they why of it. My mother was quite mysterious and it makes me smile thinking life is like my mother, full of mystery and once you think you know it all, something like this happens to upend your life and make you question everything again. I think there is beauty in the not knowing.
Going to try my best and get some sleep as this starts at 10am tomorrow but I cannot switch off.
Thanks, Amy x
Hi, there are so many things out there that we still have little or no knowledge, your dog refused to sit there for a reason and it is almost certain your mother is still near buy as she moves onto the next level, I went to see a clairvoyant 1 month after my mothers death,my father was coming through very strongly in the reading and took me buy surprise(my niece was in before me and she connected with her father) I have border line asburgers among other things, but like Greta Thunberg it does not close me down and I do not hide under a stone, at both my brothers funeral as well as my mothers I did the eulogy(my brothers was put together in a car 20 minutes before the funeral and I used tricks that I had learnt at University but I worked on my mothers for weeks) and yes I am upto public speaking, I am lucky in one respect that nothing frightens me, it takes to much nervous energy, what is important is we get through this life with out doing harm to others, that is much more important then worrying how others see us and for many people public speaking makes them quake, my mother had star quality and during the war she wanted to joan ENSA but was to young (they entertained the troops) she was stunning and grigarius in the early 40’s and loved to perform on stage and I have inherited some of that from her, I know many regard all this as nonsense, they have never had paranormal experiences and that is why they scoff, to hear is to forget, to see is to remember and to experience is to understand, we still do not know what electricity really is, but we all use it, is there more after this life?, the overwhelming evidence is defiantly yes,and millions of people have had these strange experiences, we call them paranormal simply because present day science can not explain them, no less, no more, and perhaps one day this will be part of acceptable scientific investigation as it is beginning to come and it is possible that quantum physics and research into bosom’s constant may yield breakthroughs and one day we may even be able to talk to the departed almost like a telephone conversation, I think we will have both moved on before we get that far but who knows what is possible or when and think off the wisdom that we may be able to get from the other side that may be so beneficial to the world, that cannot be bad, God bless.
Tim
Hi Amy, you are so brave and so correct, I know this has been the hardest day of your life, as the chief organiser and mourner all eyes are on you(especially if you do a eulogy, I was just so glad that people did not keep asking me how I was?) I had arranged the funeral when the weather was better for travelling and as I only had ashes to deal with I could manage the logistics my self without undertakers or bearers and it was 3 months later so I had been able to gather myself and ‘come up for air’ they will have been asking it you today and your mother has not been past a week and of course you feel awful but you cannot say that and as you have said you don’t want that crap, just get through the soded day, very often at your stage, the kindest thing is respectful silence, I was lucky at my mothers funeral in that it was a chance to see my god sisters who I had not seen for year and my mothers cousin and his wife among others, I hope you have had a similar experience today and they have supported you and your family, and your friends and relations have been close, but not too close,that they respect your wish for time and space and not staring you out in the face(one reason why so many people quake at public speaking) I was exhausted when my mothers funeral was all over and was still getting over cellulitis and I just went home and went to bed while everyone else went off to there nice little lives(but it was good of them to come) sleep as much as you can,that will help you recover, you will be very tired after today and it is a lot to process, dont over do the paracetamol and see a doctor if you are taking it for more then 5 days at four hourly intervals, you may well have heard stories about your mother today then you have not heard before, after my dad died my mother told me how she had given my father back the engagement ring when he suggested she could/should? give up her dancing school (she had 3 degrees in dance teaching from St Andrews University, and had her own dance school ),I included this in her eulogy
my mother was no ones little woman and from the vibes I am getting your mother wasn’t either, the congregation really took to this so I added ‘Put your own interpretation on that, that’s all I’m saying’ and continued with the eulogy, may I ask you was there a eulogy for your mother?.my fathers funeral was also on a Friday,it was the 5th Dec 2008
getting on for 15 years ago know, there was no eulogy as such as no one had considered it and the funeral arrangements were rushed through and people had to travel long distance, in january at short notice and we had no direct cremation option then which was one reason why I opted for it in my mothers case,being alone, it gave me time to plan and prepare and took off a lot of the pressure and as I was not in good health at the time I needed to do(my foot injury came later) I have been praying for you and your family Amy, be proud of your mother, I am sure she was proud of you, God bless you on this day and be your strength and guide, much love 
Tim
Thank you so much Tim. It was a really lovely service, the reverand and my uncle (my mums brother) both done eulogy’s. My uncles was particularly beautiful, my mum being the oldest of four they all really looked up to her and he made that clear in his speech today. Everyone who attended was really nice and didn’t ask me too much how I am but some did, I know a lot of people just don’t know what to say. No one knows how it feels til it’s their turn to feel this pain. It brought it all back up to me the fact she is really dead. I have mentioned on here before I’ve been good at distracting myself since I have a young child I’ve really thrown myself into just focusing on her but today she was with her other gran, and today I had to face reality. My aunts daughter told me she and her daughter have had a lot of paranormal experiences with her grandparents and told me to believe she is still around me, they never leave. Her daughter kept seeing her grandad in her bedroom and running in her wardrobe she said, and his ashes were placed inside her wardrobe at the time, at only 3 she said there’s no way her daughter would have been aware much that he was dead much less that his ashes were inside the wardrobe she kept seeing him in. Gives me some hope that the dead never really leave us, and I bet it’s just as difficult for them as us, we just want to see them and I bet they just wish too that we could hear and see them too. I feel so sick tonight but I know it’s normal to feel these things. My partner is telling me to be gentle with myself. We had a small argument when we got home and it just reminded me that no one else in this life will or could love me like my mother could again. I just told myself it’s my turn to give that love to my daughter and make her feel as loved as I did by mine. I know she’d be proud of me I just wish I could see her one more time and tell her how I’m feeling without her. I hope she’s listening I’ve been talking to her a lot tonight. And I’ve been crying a lot too. But like you said it was nice to see family I’ve not seen in a long time and some I haven’t even met before. A lot of my friends came as they all used to come to my house and knew my mum well too. Of my friends I’m the first to be going through this but by no means the last and I suppose by the time they have to face this reality I’ll be able to support them as I’ll know what they’re going through.
Thanks so much again for your kind words you’ve no idea how much they mean
Amy
Hey Amy, have been thinking of you today. I hope you sleep well tonight and wake up feeling stronger. Your Mum will be so proud of you for today.
And yes my mum was no shrinking Violet either she was a very powerful woman in her prime so I’ve been told. And she always made me feel protected as a mother should. She was a very strong woman, she just had no idea how bad her lungs were getting and that they would take her. I’m so blessed to have known her and come from her. I’m glad I have alot to live for and I know she’d tell me to just put all my love into my daughter like she did to me. She loved children and was thrilled when I became pregnant. I do wish she’d gotten more time with her and I know she will be upset she’s left so soon and not got those fun toddler years with Romy. Life is unfair but no one says it will be and we just have to try and find that strength within to continue on until it is our turn 
Thank you it was a beautiful service and the weather stayed dry which we were all shocked about it has been raining non stop here for a while. But it just really brought home that she has passed. I’ve been doing well at busying myself about the house and distracting my mind but today I couldn’t do that. Deeply sad tonight I feel broken. I don’t think I will ever feel any different I’ll be able to distract and mask the feelings day to say but I know I’ve changed from this. Will try and sleep and hopefully can get up and outside and take on the day. I’ve ordered many nice keepsakes online one is a bird seat with her name on it to hang in my garden and hopefully watch some robins perch on.
Thanks for thinking of me I’m all over the place today. Robbie Williams angels started playing when I got to the bathroom at the restaurant we went to after the service and I had a cry in the toilet she absolutely loved that song. And it’s true as I am loving angels instead now.
Much love, will try and rest. I know it’s silly to say but I never realised how emotional I would become today as I have found myself to do well under pressure filled situations and I did hold up most of the day, but once I was home I just let myself fall apart x
Hello Amy, sorry I did not reply earlier and I know just how you feel, like I did when they removed my mothers body from the house just over 3 hours after her passing, I had been hoping to keep the body for 24 hours but the undertaker wanted to collect it as quickly as possible(bire hazard) and so I watched the body being put on a trolley and wheeled out of the house, down the steps and away for ever and I just felt numb and shocked as you do tonight, and in the depth of the agony of grief, and it is agony like a crippling pain that consumes you and inhibits you and fills you with despair and a feeling of overwhelming loss and hopelessness, and yet, you will find the courage and strength to go on, we never get over a serious bereavement, but we get used to it, know, you are at your lowest ebb, take small steps, do not plan to much for the days ahead, try to rest and remember to eat enough and drink enough(milk actually hydrates you better then water and is also food) also keep taking the paracetamol for a few days and taking it with milk is a good plan, keep your sister and father close, they are greaving too and it is important know you stay together to support each other(I was the only person really greaving for my mother, other emijit family members having past on) and yes, the days ahead will be difficult, but you will cope, you must focus your love on your daughter, she, is your main reason for living know
and you must nurture her and care for her and in doing so that will help you care for yourself, tell her about your mother, make her as proud of her grand mother as you were, hold true, keep the faith, and yield not to that voice that says you cannot go on,ensure she is clothed and fed and nurtured towards the future and the light, for she is your future and reason for being and for her sake as well as your own, you MUST carry on with the business of getting on with life, when the dust has settled and you feel ready consider tacking up a new hobby or even business, join a club, take up bowling, paragliding or even power lifting if it floats your boat, one of the best things you can do is develop new interest and cultivate new friends, we all on this site are suffering a form of bereavement depression or post bereavement depression and all in the same boat and having to reinvent our lives and that can be very difficult, it takes work,time, frankly money and courage, but that, is the way we climb out from this pit of despair and depression, I still have dark days 9 months on, you will always love and cherish the memory of your mother, may I suggest you find the nicest photograph of her you have and have her head shot enlarged to A4 size, that is what I have had done and your undertaker may be able to help you with that,they can digitally enhance them these days to remove the grain leaving a sharp image so you will remember her at her best, I am sure your family would like that and it will help you through these dark days. may God be your guide and strength, one day, the sun will shine on you all again and you will find yourself in a happy place,
much love and deepest sympathy
Tim
Thank you Tim 
It’s been another difficult day, went out with family for lunch but didn’t feel much like eating, was sick when I got home. I hope you don’t feel alone Tim because I do and I have people with me a lot of the time. You are right I should take up a new hobby I’d like to try knitting as it’s quite inexpensive and my mum liked it, and gardening, a friend got me a peace plant and I’ve been taking care of that. I’ve bought some nice things for the garden with my mums name on them to hang outside on the trees so I feel like she is there too. I am going to get a nice frame and put her in the living room when I feel more comfortable to do that. We are going to be adding my mothers name to my daughters as a middle name so she’ll be Romy Barbara which I think sounds quite nice. And as I don’t think I want more children it’s a nice way to remember her, I talked to my mum in hospital about this so it’s not out of nowhere. She really loved my daughter as I’m sure you can imagine grandmothers love their grandchildren. Romy was up in the hospital bed cuddling her and telling her to get up to walk shoes on etc which made her smile on her better days.
I know there’s something bigger to this life we’re leading it’s all that’s keeping me going just knowing when it’s us Tim, when our time is up our mums will be the ones to take our hands to the next world. I cannot wait to see her again at that moment, but I also can because I know I have a whole life to live first to make her especially proud of me. And as you said Romy is my future and my purpose in life now and for the rest of my time here in this life I’m sure. I am very glad my mum and Romy got to know each other if only for a short while, they were making a wonderful bond with each other before all of this happened. I know they’d have been very close in the coming years as my mums great with kids, pretended to me fairies and Santa was real until I was far too old to be believing in that sort of thing. But she just had this innocent pure side to her when connecting with kids she would have made an excellent nursery worker if she had wanted to work. And I judged her for not working which makes me feel so bad now. I’d tell her I wish she had a job and that she takes money from my dad, I should never have commented as it wasn’t my place. But I suppose we all have regrets on words we said in anger. I always apologised though and I could never go to bed without doing so, we lived together til I was 28.
I only moved back with my dad because we got pregnant and he had the 3 bedroom family home (where I grew up too, with both of them til she decided to leave him and take me with her when I was 17).
My mum needed carers. The whole set up needed a revamp so she moved to assisted living directly across the road from my fathers home 3 months after Romy was born. Honestly the living situations seemed perfect we were all back together again. I am so sad thinking it lasted such a short time I thought my daughter would be visiting her gran after nursery and school for years to come. My mum didn’t get out much but we went over for an hour or so more so my dad but he always took Romy and I’d come in and watch films with her, the orient express was one I remember in particular it was great, me and mum both loved a murder mystery. We just need to keep remembering them because I am smiling now as I write all these things we did, not crying. I am so blessed to have known her and be made from her. And Romy is made from me (and her).
I am trying so hard to find some peace. I might start going to church as we used to go together when I was young. I’d like to try and belong to a community like that again.
Going to get to bed soon if I can but if you’d like to keep chatting to me about anything Tim and how you are feeling please do, I have looked forward to your messages.
I will write on again tomorrow or in a few days with how I am getting on.
We are walking up to visit my mums grave tomorrow. My dad and boyfriend will be there too.
You are right we need to rebuild our lives in this despair and absence of mum. No easy task but what else can we do.
Amy x
Dear Ami, I understand when you say you feel alone, clearly your mother was the central pillar of your life as was mine and one can feel alone even in company, what I find difficult is being in a room surrounded by people all having individual conversations and I feel like I am in a goldfish bowl, it causes me social anxiety, I find it suffocating,(the Co2 levels are higher for one thing when these events are held in doors and I have asmer, part of the reason) I suspect that has been happening to you in the last few days and if you are greaving as well then that effects your breathing,it IS A MEDICLE CONDITION, greaving can make you very ill, that, as the late queen mother put it, is the price we pay for love, and you just want space and to be alone, I think your last communication was in many ways very positive and you are already moving on and that is good and the best way to honour your mother is to make a success of your life, its a wonderful idea to include your mothers name in your daughters and to take up knitting and gardening wile the later will give you fresh air and exercise both are good for the soul, joining a church is a good idea, I go to church each week know(I had to take my sister in laws dog last week and it did not work out, she would not stop whimpering and I felt compelled to leave) but my mother advised me to join the church after her day and after the funeral I followed her advise.
We all have regrets, I am sure you had moments of friction with your mother and cross words at times when you were young and that is part of life and effects us all weather we be rich and privileged or poor, maybe your mother could not work owing to lack of employment in the area, I know my mother started work at 14 as a qualified commercial secretary in shorthand, typing and bookkeeping and had worked hard to gain those qualifications at such a young age but that was war time and work was plentiful, she worked Saturday morning as well as everyone did in those days and was paid 17shillings and 6b in old money and was left with 16 shillings after paying her stamps.my biggest regret with my mother is one occasion when we were going away to Scarborough for Christmas(I think it was 2017) I failed to prevent her from falling down 2 steps in a cafe on the way as she came out of the ladies, the table I was at was near the steps, I got a warning in my head regarding the potential danger and I know think it was my late father coming through to me, (I had no knowledge what so ever about clairvoyance in those days and if I had I am sure I would have acted differently, I did not recognise what it was) as a result my mother came out of the ladies, turned right and promptly fell down the steps, nothing broken but badly shaken, fortunately she had a light frame but I felt mortified, there were no markings to indicate the step edge and I suppose I should have sued the cafe, we came home by taxi on christmas day, mum wanted her own bed, that was the last time we went away for christmas.
Just a suggestion, and none of my business I know, but why not marry your boyfriend in the spring?, from what you say your mother would have approved and it will be a fresh start
for you and a new beginning and give you something to look forward to, do what makes you happy, if you love each other that is all that really matters, your mother will be there in spirit, try to get out into the fresh air more, as you say, you still have your life ahead off you, you are know probably the most important person in your father’s life just as I became the most important person to my mother, and to your daughter, YOU are her world, spend as much time with her as you can, early years do not come back,
Do not wish your life away, but move forward to the light and seize the day (Shakespeare wrote that,Hamlet I think wise words by the baird) am thinking of reading more Shakespeare, he should have added ‘And make every hour count’
Love and blessings Ami, I look forward to hearing from you too. 
Tim
Thanks Tim
I love Shakespeare too, midsummer nights dream is my favourite my mum took me to see it in the Globe when I was around 20. You are right there are reasons she didn’t work and she was older than alot of mums when I was growing up, she had worked in her earlier life I just wasn’t around to see that version of her.
We are speaking of getting married we just haven’t got the money for anything yet, I’d told my mum we weren’t going to marry and she had wanted us to. I’m sure when we do she will be there in her own way. I’ve got her tiara she wore to marry my dad so I would wear that
I am a little more positive than Friday but it definitely brought it all back to the forefront of my mind. I am lucky that my dad although age 67 is very healthy right now and gets out every day. We go walks together most days so we spend a lot of time with each other which I’m sure I’ll live to be grateful for when I am old myself and looking back on my life. But I know that when he leaves me my life will monumentally change, because we do spend so much time together. In the last 2 years I didn’t live with my mother anymore and didn’t see her every single day anymore, I seen her three times a week usually. Whereas with my dad as I’ve moved in with him we see each other everyday. Just telling myself this happens to everyone even us someday will be the ones people are mourning. All we can try to do like you say is enjoy our lives right now. And hopefully our mums and your dad are still with us along our journey.
Me and my boyfriend and daughter have a holiday booked in the spring at our birthdays (our birthdays are 3 days apart) it will be strange as we always spent it with my mum and dad usually. We’re booked to go away just after our birthdays but I will look forward to it as a way to make new memories for our daughter to have with her mum and dad
I have also booked a holiday for the week right before the anniversary of my mothers passing. We rarely go holidays and we booked these 2 in advance as the prices were right, almost seems like fate that I booked to be away in September and return the date before she passed. I’m going to treat it as a way to take my mind off of things and return to go and visit her grave the next day.
I’ve also had people from work reach out to me one woman who lost both her parents in the same year when she was 40, and there’s another girl my age who’s dad recently passed. It does make me feel less alone to return to a workplace full of people who are on the face of it very happy people, to know it’s not just me who has lost someone is a little comforting.
Going to go and watch some tv and try and get some sleep. I restarted only murders in the building me and my parents had started it but hadn’t finished it so my boyfriend and I have been watching it together and it’s helped take my mind off things in the wee hours as I’m finding things most difficult at night. He has been good sitting up with me and talking to me at night about everything. You are right too being in a room full of people and feeling alone is a very difficult thing to feel. I am sure I will feel a bit like that once I am in work but I’ve got a few nice friends who I’m sure will speak to me about my situation.
All the best Tim speak soon
Amy x
And also I love that quite ‘grief is the price way pay for love’ it’s so true. If we didn’t feel such deep love we wouldn’t experience this grief when we lose them.
Hi Amy, bless you for that, it sounds as if you are really getting on with life again, thinking what you said about being sick after you had been at the restaurant was any one else ill and did you have fowl?(chicken etc) I never have that out, it is not always cooked as it should be, instead I go for hot soup or fish and chips.Mcbeth is my favourite shakespeare play, but what a treat you had going to the globe and what a memory, my favorite films are Rebeca written by Catherine Dumoria , Psycko written by Hitchcock, A Night to remember, the original Titanic film, Benhuw, Cleopatra, and Casablanca, a wartime film filmed in Casablanca during the war, there was almost a fight for real between the Germans and the French when they struck up the Marsiess in the cafe in response to the german anthem, French passions were deeply roused and significantly added to the very real grittiness of that grate picture.they are enduring classics and will never become dated any more then Shakespeare will be dated because they stand on there own as grate achievements in the cinema world just as Shakespeare stands alone for his literature prowess and were it not for him the English language would not be half as which as it is. Not done much about holidays my self yet, waiting for things to be settled and getting the house straitened out(my mother did not want anything doing for a number of years so repairs have to be carried out) and I have made some alterations my self,nothing structural, I am not a builder and know my limits,proberbly go glamping with my sister in law and niece next year, its good that you have work to go to and colleagues in similar situation to your self, you are not alone, keep your good friends close, they will help to sustain you and your work will give you focus and a purpose.
Love and blessings Amy
Tim