I just need to let out some feelings as I can’t tell my family how I’m really feeling. Today feeling gut wrenching despair lost my husband to the most awful cancer that grew outside of his chest wall so looked after him at home for several years and his wishes were to stay at home without any treatment apart from morphine and the dreaded driver towards end of life. He died on father’s day june 2024. I coped well with all of that but now I’m feeling all I can call it is despair we were married 45 year’s together for 50 im now 68 just hate my life now without him. I would never do anything silly would never hurt my son and daughter grandchildren . Just going through day to day feeling im not me anymore. After reading lots of posts I know I should be trying to get out there and try and make a new life but never been overly confident person .Sorry this is long post but first time I’ve really told the truth about my feelings. Thankyou for reading this and thinking of you all going through this terrible grief.
I feel that I am only half of me now. I cannot see myself making a new life. My husband passed 4 months ago. I don’t feel I have a future.
Molly - It seems like I am going through a nightmare and when I get up everything will be fine, cannot stop crying at meal times and when taking the dog out we are always together, So can understand, my daughter lets me cry , I will be arranging the cremation from next week once we register the passing. My husband was my everything, Sending you lots of love and hugs at this sad time xx
Shelly Sorry for your loss, going through the same, only 6 days now so feel very raw. Sending you lots of hugs and love xx
Hi I feel for you I know how who feel it’s so hard I lost my husband just over a year ago to cancer to you feel so lost without that person hope you have a lot of family support
Thankyou for your replies my heart goes out to you .I’m not having a good day today but its great that we can say how we really feel on this site instead pretending we are ok. Love to you all
Molly i lost mum in march last year and did ok at 1st but in October fell apart. Qdelayed reaction seems to be quite common. Think it’s because there are so many practical things you have to do, it’s
a distraction At my worse i had a list of shopping i needed and bought 1 thing every day just to make me get out of the house - probably cost me a fortune! Please take care and go easy on yourself.
So sorry for the loss of your mother it has such an impact on your life without them.Delayed reaction must be what I’m going through I feel worse now then I did when my husband died .There was so much to sort out in the first few months so had a purpose now reality has set in and really don’t like my life now. I admire those of you that are able to join groups or meet people and start again but I’m sure there are also a lot of people not able to do this .So I’m sending lots of 
to anyone on here feeling this way.
Molly I know that feeling you feel lost and alone the feeling of wanting your life back as it was with your husband I’m the same some days are better than others but it does help taking to others that has had the same thing happen stay strong
Molly why was the driver so bad
Hi Molly, I understand how you feel completely; I feel like I am looking in on someone else’s life as this is not ,
Mine and I long for my old life back, my husband passed away 10 months ago I have days where I’m not too bad but the dark days are never far away. I try to tell myself I have been lucky to have had what we shared for over 30 years but it hurts so much to be without him. Everyone on here is in the same boat and for me it has helped to know we are not alone, I hope tomorrow is a better day for you and send you hugs x
So sorry for your loss.
The trauma you must have gone through, with his cancer and doing all you could to make him comfortable. I hope you are getting some support to deal with the trauma of what you have and are going through.
What i have come to think is that in time, we can hate our life because our love one has passed on and is not in it in the way they were before, at the same time in finding moments of happiness and joy again. The two can co-exist. The notion that we wont miss them and forever be so many different emotions because they have passed and are not here to share life with us, is unrealistic. In time, the pain gets less sharp yes, but i dont think it ever goes. Why would it? They are still and will always be our love one.
Its a shame that you can’t voice how you are feeling with your family. I hope you do have some support networks where you can, ie. Friends, therapy etc.
Be kind to yourself and take it one moment at a time when you need to. You are doing just amazingly, keep doing that.