I just need to let out some feelings as I can’t tell my family how I’m really feeling. Today feeling gut wrenching despair lost my husband to the most awful cancer that grew outside of his chest wall so looked after him at home for several years and his wishes were to stay at home without any treatment apart from morphine and the dreaded driver towards end of life. He died on father’s day june 2024. I coped well with all of that but now I’m feeling all I can call it is despair we were married 45 year’s together for 50 im now 68 just hate my life now without him. I would never do anything silly would never hurt my son and daughter grandchildren . Just going through day to day feeling im not me anymore. After reading lots of posts I know I should be trying to get out there and try and make a new life but never been overly confident person .Sorry this is long post but first time I’ve really told the truth about my feelings. Thankyou for reading this and thinking of you all going through this terrible grief.
I feel that I am only half of me now. I cannot see myself making a new life. My husband passed 4 months ago. I don’t feel I have a future.
Molly - It seems like I am going through a nightmare and when I get up everything will be fine, cannot stop crying at meal times and when taking the dog out we are always together, So can understand, my daughter lets me cry , I will be arranging the cremation from next week once we register the passing. My husband was my everything, Sending you lots of love and hugs at this sad time xx
Shelly Sorry for your loss, going through the same, only 6 days now so feel very raw. Sending you lots of hugs and love xx
Hi I feel for you I know how who feel it’s so hard I lost my husband just over a year ago to cancer to you feel so lost without that person hope you have a lot of family support
Thankyou for your replies my heart goes out to you .I’m not having a good day today but its great that we can say how we really feel on this site instead pretending we are ok. Love to you all
Molly i lost mum in march last year and did ok at 1st but in October fell apart. Qdelayed reaction seems to be quite common. Think it’s because there are so many practical things you have to do, it’s
a distraction At my worse i had a list of shopping i needed and bought 1 thing every day just to make me get out of the house - probably cost me a fortune! Please take care and go easy on yourself.
So sorry for the loss of your mother it has such an impact on your life without them.Delayed reaction must be what I’m going through I feel worse now then I did when my husband died .There was so much to sort out in the first few months so had a purpose now reality has set in and really don’t like my life now. I admire those of you that are able to join groups or meet people and start again but I’m sure there are also a lot of people not able to do this .So I’m sending lots of 
to anyone on here feeling this way.
Molly I know that feeling you feel lost and alone the feeling of wanting your life back as it was with your husband I’m the same some days are better than others but it does help taking to others that has had the same thing happen stay strong
Molly why was the driver so bad
Hi Molly, I understand how you feel completely; I feel like I am looking in on someone else’s life as this is not ,
Mine and I long for my old life back, my husband passed away 10 months ago I have days where I’m not too bad but the dark days are never far away. I try to tell myself I have been lucky to have had what we shared for over 30 years but it hurts so much to be without him. Everyone on here is in the same boat and for me it has helped to know we are not alone, I hope tomorrow is a better day for you and send you hugs x
So sorry for your loss.
The trauma you must have gone through, with his cancer and doing all you could to make him comfortable. I hope you are getting some support to deal with the trauma of what you have and are going through.
What i have come to think is that in time, we can hate our life because our love one has passed on and is not in it in the way they were before, at the same time in finding moments of happiness and joy again. The two can co-exist. The notion that we wont miss them and forever be so many different emotions because they have passed and are not here to share life with us, is unrealistic. In time, the pain gets less sharp yes, but i dont think it ever goes. Why would it? They are still and will always be our love one.
Its a shame that you can’t voice how you are feeling with your family. I hope you do have some support networks where you can, ie. Friends, therapy etc.
Be kind to yourself and take it one moment at a time when you need to. You are doing just amazingly, keep doing that.
Hi Molly, firstly, dont ever apologies for how you feel. Secondly, do what feels right for you and not other people. I lost my husband of 35 years in August and it feels like it just happened. Im still really numb. Keep using this app, it has helped me so much. You are doing really well. Take good care of yourself and do things in your own time x
Thankyou both for your replies its so good to read you’re words of comfort and taking the time to reply when your going through your own grief. Very kind regards to all on this site im going to try and use this site more often to let out my feelings its kind of therapy .xx
Hi Molly, i can understand how you are feeling. I lost my husband in September after nearly 40 years married. Although im coming out of the numb and being in a fog stage, im still taking one day at a time. Im no where near ready to get back out there! I spend time with my closest friends and im lucky to have my children and grandchildren near by. x
Isipingo, I wish I could tell you each day is at least no worse than the one before but it’s not. Not yet. Only 3 weeks today and my wife’s funeral is on Friday. I’m terrified of what comes later when I don’t even have that to keep me busy.
I’m so glad your daughter seems to understand. Never feel guilty about crying either, about showing your feelings, they’re yours, you’ve paid an awful price for them so let them out as and when.
For me it’s when somebody asks how I am, or in the supermarket. It’s a good job I’m barely eating because I cannot bear shopping for one.
You’ll find your triggers and try to avoid but accept that they’ll happen - you cancel a delivery, for example, you explain you’re arranging your wife’s funeral and some moron says have a very good day. Be kind to yourself, if crying is your reaction so be it. It’s honest.
Hi Molly, my husband died February 2024 and I feel exactly the same. I don’t know who I am now or what my purpose is. Ive actually looked in the mirror and said who are you? I just feel lost without my soul mate and best friend. Im dreading his anniversary as the build up to Christmas and new year was awful. To top it all our beloved dog who was 14 had to be put to sleep on Saturday as he took a blood clot in the brain and was so distressed just feel I can’t take anymore. Sorry, I haven’t offered any words if wisdom. Look after yourself.x
Hi Molly, there are no ‘should s’. I read a book called ‘Languages of Loss by Sasha Bates. It is well worth reading. I got a copy from the library, but have since purchased my own. It hasn’t helped me to overcome the grief, but did help me to understand a lot of what’s happening. I have spent sixteen months sitting in front of the TV for distraction and eating myself to eleven stone. I accidentally clipped the fence turning into the drive and wrote off his car, the only thing that I had left of him. Now I have lost my confidence to drive. I still cry for hours every day, I miss him so much. Everything you do and feel Molly is ok. Sending you a hug from Australia.
Molly, truth be known, you are not the same person you were before your husband died and never will be again, but you are surviving the transition. It is really hard, we’ve lost our identity. It is not true that we lose our other half, we lose our whole.
It is confusing and scary. What things did you do without your husband before he died? Meet friends for lunch, movies, shopping, gym? Make some plans to do so, mark your calendar and do one thing a week, start easy. Staying on the couch isn’t making anything better. Get to the salon, buy something new to wear if necessary and make a date with yourself. Find you while having fun.
Love
Hi Molly.
I am with you 100%. I was married for 45 years and together for 51 years. My husband went to work one day and did not come home. We don’t have any children, but I am very close to my niece and her family.I have lots of friends and lots of hobbies. I am 8 months in and I am in pieces . Absolutely devastated . We did lots of stuff together, and such a big chunk of me died with him. But, I do not agree that you should be moving forward. If you can, you can’t. Yes, it has a little to do with confidence but I really believe it’s more to do with when the time is right to dip your toe in “LIFE” again, you will know.
I certainly am not really moving forward. I get up each day, and go to bed each night. The in between part is just surviving. That is all I can do at the moment. To be honest, I hate my life. I want my old life back. I know I can’t have it but it does not stop the longing. I want my best friend back.
I understand as well that you want to shield your family but you should tell them how you really feel. They should understand.
I also find it very difficult to find the right words to try and explain the grief to people. Until you lose your spouse , you have know idea what its like. Also, grief is such a small word for such a devastating feeling.