EVERY YEAR will be the same no matter what i miss her every day 24 x7 it does not get easyier it gets HARDER lonely dinner for one nobody to talk to have little laughs go out together plan things together now nought i will be glad when i join her it could NOT get easyier as years go bye life is changed FOREEVER
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Hi
I agree I just want to be with my husband
Take care xx
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Hi another RUBBISH day over time to go to bed if i can sleep toss and turn up and down for hours get to sleep get up and EXIST for another boring lonely day on ones own i dont have miss her just want to be back with her taken to soon dont know why god took her i hate him now will not go back to church take care
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Morning
Sure is lonely time donāt want to call it a life
As it isnāt a life we exist
The only thing I do is go cemetery
Not working at min canāt face it
People keep stay In time you will learn to live without
Andy I just tell them shut up
I donāt want to
I tell Andy every day donāt leave me here much longer
Hope he hears me soon
Take care debbie xx
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I donāt think you ever learn to live without the person that meant the world to you ā¦ you are launched into a new chapter of your life without having finished the last one! My boys used to have a book where you got to a certain page and then you chose go to page 60 or 110 and depending on what you chose the story was different! When I was at my most lost I used to think of thatā¦ strangely! I used to think no no take me back to the one I chose! I do wished it worked like that.! Reality is you get launched into a new chapter with no choice and very few positive words on the page! Itās a very scary feeling hold on tight though ā¦ some positives will appear. MyRobin was always a glass half full man ā¦ unless it was wine when it was glass empty again! But I believe he stayed very close to me for a long time ā¦ in fact he was there until I began to understand and live in my new chapter!
I waffle a lot but I hope the odd word makes some sense!
I lost my Robin just before Christmas in2012!
12 minutes past 12 on 12th of the 12th 2012! Engraved on my brain and my heart ā¦the end of the most wonderful chapter in my life! Since losing Robin I have lost my cousin who was like a sister to meā¦ my best friend my cousins son my sister my nephew and then less than a year ago ā¦ with no warning ā¦ my mum! Finding anew path to tread is very difficult ā¦ staying on it pretty tough too! Sometimes I think that I Iām numbed to the pain ā¦ maybe that helps me through! Who knows ā¦
Hi Catherine
You really struck a chord with me. My husband died four years ago today after 32 years together and I scattered his ashes on what would have been our 30th wedding anniversary.
This year feels harder. Grief is a strange thing. Iāve been in that position of wondering what the point of living is but I have children and couldnāt do that to them. They are grown up but it kept me here.
Taking one day at a time helps and being kind to yourself. For me it means allowing myself to stay in bed if I want to. To cry if I need to. Sometimes I can distract myself with a film. I watch far too much television but thatās what I have to do to get by.
For those where its their first anniversaries I just need to say that it does get easier to manage. I couldnāt look at a photograph of my husband without breaking my heart for a year. Now they bring me comfort. I am determined to try and live and try and do those things we had on our list in honour of him. I am still alive and breathing. He isnāt. I owe it to him.
Being kind to yourself is keeping going. Looking after yourself in a small way. I buy a bunch of flowers, I talk to him, I remember to wear his favourite perfume. Little things.
Itās my first post here but knowing there is someone out there knowing how I feel helps.
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Thank you for those words
Take care x
I feel for all of you trying to cope in different ways. There is no right or wrong way. Some days/nights we have to wallow in our grief.
I have given myself a major talking to, and have given myself some goals. In the early days the goals were simple. Have a shower every day and try and eat. Didnāt always happen, but the next day I would try again. Next goal was a daily walk. Doesnāt always happen, but I donāt beat myself up over it, just try again the following day. My challenge now is to cope with work. It is not going well, but it is good to see other people, even if some of them should think before they speak. A lot of us are trying to find some sort of meaningful direction but someone has hidden the map!
In my head I can hear my late partner, and my late parents telling me I need to try and pick myself up from the shattered pieces and do things. It is a slow and painful process but I am trying.
I am lucky. I have children and grandchildren. Due to covid and work commitments seeing them is very difficult. My grandchildren have all said in recent weeks how much they like spending time with me. I love spending time with them, and always have done. I am probably not great company at the moment, but it gives me a focus. That is my main motivation now, to be about for them. I lost a bit of weight after my partner died. That is my other motivation. I want to lose weight to the size that I was when we met. I have upped the exercise and am eating less.
@Catharine I like your book analogy. I have in the past had to pick myself up from devastation, unfortunately several times. My partnerās life had involved similar previous experiences. We put each other back together, and now I am suddenly and unexpectedly alone again and struggling. There are lots of chapters in our lives. I am not enjoying this chapter, but have had good and bad chapters in the past, so know that sometimes a page is turned and a story takes a completely different turn.
@Ali4 I also know that my partner would be begging me to continue living life for the both of us. It is fairly early days for me, but I know that is what I have to do as far as I can. If I donāt I will feel I have let my partner, who absolutely loved life and its many experiences, down.
Hello Ali4
Thank you for writing because it helped me. I feel very much as you do although itās 18 months for me. I feel this second year is worse than the first. I thought things would get easier but they havenāt. I miss my husband so much and often feel life is not worth it. I take anti depressantās and diazepam but the days are always a struggle and the lockdown just adds to the loneliness
It is a comfort to know that others understand. B
Hi Barbara
Unfortunately we belong to a club we wish we never had to join. Unless you lose your partner you canāt understand completely how it feels. I too have tried anti depressants. Too many really given out by a lovely doctor trying to help. Some worked for a while. My main issue is sleep. I canāt switch my thoughts off. There is no wrong way or right way to get through this time.
I write a list and it has such simple tasks on it but it helps me achieve something each day even if itās to tell myself get in the shower or do the washing. I know its four years but I still think that itās a nightmare Iām living in and Iāll wake up and all will be OK. Other times are better. I will remember the fun times we had and appreciate the memories. I had to give up my work to look after my husband and three years ago on a whim applied for university. Aged 53!!! More to give me structure. Now in the third year but isolated at home alone trying to complete assignments. This is something that I would never have done. Never needed to have done if my husband were here. But itās given me a focus. Itās in English literature and when he died I couldnāt concentrate to read a book. I know it wonāt feel like it but you will get through. We all will and we need to be proud of the strength and courage we have. It takes real resilience to go through what we had to go through. Hold on to that xxx
Itās nice to think weāre not on our own , I thought it was just me feeling sorry for myself and not feeling that I can move forward.
god itās so sad that we are all saying the same thing,
Hopefully at some point we have to feel better x
Awwwh please try and stay positive I feel like that but I was told many years ago that people just walk in deadmanās world if they take their own life.
I think to myself sometimes what if thereās no such thing as afterlife why are we doing this to ourselves , I know my husband would want me to be happy and the only person stopping me is ME x
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Itās difficult for people to understand.we are in a world of our own.feeling lonely.confused.need to express how were coping day by day.
Take care
Oh wow Sheila that is a lot of years to have been togetherā¦ truly wonderful but OMG what a huge void he must have left!
I was 58 when Robin died ā¦ itās a strange age to be left alone ā¦ I had a very successful career a beautiful home grown up independent children ā¦ all the things that take a lot of hard work to achieve but things that give you freedom in your later lifeā¦ we were well on track for a glorious and happy retirement when cancer pushed its way into our lives forced us into battle and beat us ā¦ hands down! What do you do then? Success and financial independence mean so much less than you thought they did! Like you I loved the garden but it was huge! Vegetable garden flower borders a pond and so much grassā¦ it was a garden for two people to enjoy but it became just too much for me alone ā¦ sometimes I would be on my hands and knees weeding would look up and see the long grass and just weep! Thatās when I realised I had to take stock and find ways to enjoy ā¦ I found a mobile garden man! Once a week he came to do the hard work and in between I could potter in the greenhouse and dead head the flowers ā¦ so therapeutic!
Every day was a learning experience and each thing helped build back some confidence ā¦ confidence definitely goes when you lose the main support in your life! recognising I needed help and finding it big boost ā¦ getting the help without explaining why I needed it was good too ā¦ not having to explain my situation and having a conversation which just took me right away from harsh reality ā¦ all good.
Little steps Sheila ā¦ never be lonely as there are always people that understand and care xx
Hello Tracy, Bristles and a. Frazer
I feel the same about second, third, fourth anniversaries. They are all as painful. The loss doesnāt get easier,nothing makes any difference. We all struggle through the days hoping life will get better.
Sending love and comfort B
B
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All so young Sheila ā¦ life just doesnāt seem balanced or fair! Xx
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Hi where have the years gone ??? cant remember the last 10 years mind just goes a blank i retired end of last year and had big plans what have i got now nothing people say go on holiday go on a coach trip meet people i dont think i could we went away together dont think i could ever go on holiday again we had plans for 2021 all ruined i think everthing is pointless meanless and hopeless stoped in bed today to 14:00 whats the point getting up same routine mon tue wed thur fri sat sun whats the point anymore in anything
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Hi
Everything you say I feel the same
Whatās the point in anything
I wonāt go on holiday again
I canāt even eat the things me and Andy ate
Bloody hate this life I have been giving now xx
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Hi 100% same as me cant wait to meet up again