i am so sorry for everybody’s losses and i know we are all doing the best we can in our individual circumstances. I have two jobs one im furlough, the other one is in a preschool People/ friends tell me at least im working , I just feel like im not justified in feeling how i do, Of course things could be worse that is always true but while they see this they fail to see how much im struggling.
Sending you all a big hug and stay strong your all do the best you can and thats all any of us can do at the moment x
I juggled my job and caring for Robin for a while but it was exhausting! I took unpaid leave and was happy that my job had been kept open … this gratitude made me feel obliged to launch myself back into it and when I couldn’t cope I retired. I thought I would have 18 months before my pension but the goal post changed and I had to wait 3 years! Difficult surviving on savings … scary how quickly they disappeared! Looking back I think there must have been some sort of benefit I could have been entitled to … reality being I wasn’t fit to work and for 3 years had zero income!
Might be worth checking if it could ease the stress even a tiny bit
I have gone on the sick had to
I get 341 a month to keep a house bloody joke
It really is we all are struggling and there should be something we could claim so we can grief and look after ourselves
Please take care xx
Dear Catharine
There really does need to be a better system for providing information on available benefits to those unfortunately in our position. I only heard about the death grant through the undertaker who happens to be a relative. It paid for much of the funeral expenses.
I am still waiting to go through probate and have to wait until the inquest is completed but still no date. I am hoping that my pension gives me sufficient to live on. This is my last week covered by sicknote and I decided to leave work as just not capable of performing the role.
At the same time I know all of us on this site would give up every penny just to have our husband’s/wives back with us.
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Of course … I would have slept on the streets if I could have done that with Robin! I found it painful and border line insulting when I had to deal with money stuff … phone contracts and that sort of thing perhaps embarrassment stopped people advising me … who knows but I didn’t find out about the widows pension until about two weeks before my eligibility expired! It wasn’t huge but lump some and small income for about a year I think.
I hope this doesn’t sound too practical … it’s easier for me … 8 years on … which is why I joined this group … in case I could help anyone … remembering very clearly how lost I was
Don’t think I will go back work
Think at some point I will look for something else
As I took this job to cut my hours down and spend
More time with my husband Andy did 28 hours I did 15 it worked really good for us we had all weekend to ourself
So now I can’t face going back there xx
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Dear Catharine
Not at all. I am only on the beginning of this sad journey but welcome all practical advice can get - thank you.
I dealt with all the bank side of things throughout our marriage, but not the phone contracts, car insurances etc. Having to learn quickly. Some institutions I have to say show little or no empathy. Our broadband provider were deeply unsympathetic and I landed up putting the phone down on them.
Take care.
Sheila
Dear Debbie
Please just take your time and do what is right for you.
Thinking of you.
Sheila x
I know that! 02 bereavement department phoned me to sort out closure of Robins account and were insistent that they needed to speak to him to do so! Absolutely unbelievable!
Dear Catharine
As you say absolutely shocking.
I informed our bank of Ian’s death two days after his accident - they cancelled all his cards including the payments towards his credit card. For the next two months they sent reminders for the payments before sending it to collections - with all correspondence addressed to Ian. Then the bereavement team and credit card department started to argue about what needed to be done. Eventually they stopped referral to debt recovery department and the balance (£100+) will be settled at the point of probate. They do not make our lives any easier.
Hi Debbie
Don’t rush into anything take your time.
Take care x
Don’t rush going back to work.take it one day at a time.hopefully we will all be here to support one another☺
Dear Debbie55
I was on statutory sick pay also - like your say barely covers anything.
Can I just ask did you claim the death grant? £2500 one-off payment followed by 18 months of £100. It is not means-tested but there is a time limit on how quick you have to make a claim. It is easy to apply for and can be done over the phone.
Sheila
Hello Sheila
Yes I did claim the grant it doesn’t take long
You can do it online sure my sister rang up for me
I get 100 pounds a month just helps a little as sick pay covers nothing
X
Dear Debbie
Just wanted to check as I had never heard of it. The funeral director is a relative and told me to claim.
I leave work tomorrow - could not face going back, miss my husband beyond words, cry every day, just desperately need him and that’s not possible. At the moment my works pension should cover things, especially as the food bill is next to nowt as I have no appetite. Life is just so crap for us all.
Wedding anniversary is 13 March - late dad’s birthday also. I can feel the intense heartbreak gaining more momentum even at this point. Lay in bed last night and realised I would never get a card from Ian ever again and just broke down again.
Take care.
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Bless you … there are no words that can be said that in any way ease that pain. Anniversaries are particularly difficult I know. Giving up work will take some pressure away for sure … good if you can find a new focus … easier said than done but I had to give myself something specific to do each day a kind of mini goal! Make sure you apply for the grant as there is a deadline and you can’t get it retrospectively… there isn’t much available to help so might as well get what there is!
Cooking for one is another harsh daily reminder of where you find yourself but try to eat x
Sheila
My birthday is March the 13
So heartbreaking it really is I had a dream about Andy
Last night so lovely but then I woke up sobbing
Just doesn’t seem real still think he going to walk thru
The door miss Andy so much
Take care xx
Dear Catharine
Thank you. Yes have received the grant now.
We have a little grandson - 13 months old - both parents work so I am there most days watching him. My husband was totally devoted to him. The baby had been in hospital the first 3 months of his life and Ian was at the hospital every day for hours watching over him and sometimes staying overnight with him if baby’s mam needed a rest at home. After discharge and first lockdown we were able to support mam as she is in vulnerable group also so again round there every day. Therefore for Ian to be taken so tragically in a road traffic accident makes it harder to come to terms with. My two kids are really struggling also and both in counselling.
With regard to cooking I have not used a dinner plate since Ian’s death just have small dishes when I can stomach it. Food is a mechanical process. There is a local farm shop that I go to and buy different meals from there as you can just ask for x scopes. Eliminates the horrible ‘meal for one’.
Just taking one day at a time, that’s all I can do.
Take care. xx
Dear Debbie
I know your birthday will be a difficult day and the lead-up is horrible but I will think of you on that day.
I have had a few dreams about Ian too. Last one was where he was on his mobile but I would not speak to him because of the accident. I was so upset when I woke up - I just wanted another opportunity to tell him how much I love him.
If lockdown restrictions are eased I am hoping to go up to Bamburgh to the beach where I intend to spread Ian’s ashes in the summer with family. But the anniversary day has to be mine alone. There are so many memories of wonderful family holidays and luckily we even got to take the grandson there in the summer so it is a place close to all our hearts, but 13 March is mine and Ian’s day alone. I just cannot believe he is no longer here with me.
Take care.
hi Debbie
I really feel for you I do and I wish I could say it gets easier , but it’s 3yrs in May that I lost my soulmate aged 50yrs.
People say the first year is the worst but I’m not at all sure that’s true, but I hope you take away the knowledge that we are all here because we all understand xx
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