@Alir @Rome18 I wish you both well for tomorrow. To think of moving home as a couple is daunting enough. To do it alone after a bereavement is incredible. Xx. Sandra
@Pudding
Thank you Sandra. I hope whatever you do you manage to have a good day tomorrow. I will let you know how it goes.
Alison xx
Iv got my other tablets to go with my depression and anxiety tablets hoping that they will work i dont know. Hope everything starts to go well for everyone xx Anita
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Alison
Thank you, I will let you know how I get on tomorrow.
I hope you have a very nice viewing at your new home. I know the legal stuff is daunting but you have your sister with you and, hopefully, a good solicitor. It will be nice for you to look forward to planning your new home.
I shall try and look to moving next year. We have a very nice retirement site nearby with lovely apartments and facilities, if you wish to participate.
You are doing amazingly well.
Love Rosemary x
A retirement site is probably a good option. At some point I am probably going to have to consider assisted living but canât consider moving. Too soon.
@BoyZone2011
I do hope so Anita, I really do.
I hope things start improving for you as well. Keep in touch and let us know how you are getting on xx
@Pudding
Richard and I had planned going there, but had to forget it because his health deteriorated so much and we couldnât think of buying and selling with his condition.
His kept saying to me during his last weeks, you must go there but I donât feel I can cope yet.
It would be ideal because you can live in your apartment independently but can join in with activities. Thereâs a lovely lounge to join other people, hobbies room and lunch if you want it. I hate living by myself and I would never be lonely, always someone around. Thereâs a resident manager.
How are you today Sandra? xx
@Rome18
Thank you Rosemary. I do feel a bit excited if I am honest. The one thing that bothers me is when I have to have my husbands name taken off of the deeds. I know this is silly but to me this is our house and always will be but when I move it will become just my house. My lovely husband worked hard all of his life so that we could have a nice home. I know I worked as well but he did so much. He has made this house and garden into a paradise and he was so very proud of it.
I know I have to move as I am unable to manage it on my own and I also have health issues. The bungalow is five minutes walk from both of my sisters and I know it makes sense to be near them as I have no one else apart from friends.
They have been so supportive to me, I am very lucky I know. I just wish I wasnât in this situation.
I think a retirement site will be a good idea. We used to use the gym in the retirement village near to where we live. We met some very nice people who lived there and they said it was like being on holiday as there was so much to do. They had classes in the day, a shop, hairdresser and restaurant on site. It was also secure which is a godsend when you are on your own.
Have a good day tomorrow and good luck with the meeting, please let us know how you get on. I shall be thinking of you. Alison xx
Not too bad. Trying to do some exercises for my knees. Going to try doing a few everyday. The seated exercise was too much at this stage. It took me 4 days to recover which is difficult when living alone. Chest feeling a bit heavy and breathless but something is going round my carers so I might have caught it. My new care package starts next Monday but with all the same carers. Hopefully I wonât notice the difference. How are you Rosemary? Another meeting with the managing agents?
@Pudding
Glad you arenât too bad, good you are exercising but donât over do it. Hope you havenât caught anything from your carers.
I am not too bad, had a weepy moment earlier on.
Meeting tomorrow to finalise the accounts after last weekâs meeting. To be honest itâs given me something of substance to do. xx
Going very easy. Just a couple of minutes today. Build it up a little every day. Looking at the cost of extending my care package so that they would do some meal prep for me to improve my diet which in turn would improve my health. May not be able to afford it until probate is done. Still waiting for some final figures before it can start as of course they will only send them by post.
Alison,
It isnât silly to be upset about taking your husbandâs name off the deeds. I have to complete the same form for the Land Registry and feel the same. I wonât do it until I have to. I still think of it as his home as well, he loved it.
The other thing thatâs really upset me is just seeing my name on accounts, no joint. He also really worked hard and was always looking for better interest rates. Following Probate approval, I have taken advice and done my own research about reinvestments, I am sure I have done well and I hope my husband would be proud of me. I still think of it as our money.
You should feel excited about moving, your husband would be pleased. I am glad you have your sisters for support. My brother and friends will support me, other close family live abroad.
The retirement site isnât as big as the one you mentioned but it has great security and lots going on. I wish I was there for Christmas, sounds amazing.
Always remember, Alison, wherever we are our husbands are with us. I feel Richard with all the time, Love never dies. xx
@Pudding
You are doing exactly the right thing with exercises. Sounds a good idea to extend your carer package if you can manage it once you get probate, Such a pain it takes so long. Hope you soon get all the information you need to be able to send it off.
@Rome18
I know what you mean about just seeing your own name on bank accounts and other documents. I still cry if any post comes for him. It is junk mail mainly these days. He used to support different charities and occasionally they will write with a request, that always starts me off, he was such a kind man.
I know he will be pleased that I have found a new home, one that I know I will be able to manage. It is going to be strange having to be the one that makes all of the decisions regarding decorating, new kitchen etc. It has always been the two of us , choosing together. I know deep down that I will be o.k and I will make this new life for myself a good one in his honour. I just wish with all my heart I didnât have to be doing this.
Your husband will be very proud of you, especially with your research and investments, I can imagine how hard that must have been. I did invest some money but only in a guaranteed equity bond, I dare not do anything else, lol.
I think you will know when the time is right to move. Being there at Christmas sounds good but it is a big decision to make. We were already talking about moving and had been looking around before Ron passed away so it just feels like I am finishing what we started.
You are right Rosemary, love never dies, I just wish I could see my Ron one more time. He was a believer in the afterlife and a christian. Sometimes when I feel down I think about what a good man he was. I think God took him as his work on earth was done. I know everyone has different beliefs and I respect that but I feel in my heart this is right. I have never had a sign but I get strong feelings about things. I know I will be with him one day in the future but I have to wait until it is my time. xx
@Pudding
I think that is a good idea extending your care package. At least you will only have to pop your meals into the oven and it will be much easier for you.
I know if I do any sort of exercise I suffer for it. The pain is always twice as bad in the evening for some reason.
I hope you soon recover, as you said, it is hard when you donât feel too good and you are alone.
Take care xx
I must admit as I live on ready meals I tend just to pop them in the oven anyway. Try to eat fruit every day which wasnât true at the beginning. Watching the calories and trying not to exceed 1500 a day. Need to exercise or my knees will just seize up. If I gradually increase it should be doable.
You may need to review that friend of yours,that comment is a disgrace and cruel to someone going through the trauma that you are. I very much doubt that any institution will help but of course you need support and of course one source should be a GP or mental health care team.
It would be fair to say that most of us at some point feel that we are losing the plot but thatâs the very point ⌠grief and loss of a loved one has that effect,itâs absolutely normal and it will pass and at some point it will feel like that again but that too will pass,eventually the gaps will increase.
You need help and support,understanding care and compassion so please kindly explain this to your " friend,"
Stick in there,you managed to post on here and thatâs a big plus,everyone on here knows exactly how you feel.
@Pudding
I try to eat fruit every day but donât always even though it is in front of me in the fruit bowl. I tend to prefer chocolate and biscuits and I know I shouldnât.
My husband was the cook and made some lovely meals for us both. It has been a year now that I have had to do the cooking as this time last year he was poorly and in and out of hospital.
I can cook but find the prepping hard as I canât stand for too long and I also struggle to peel anything as my hands are bad.
I am hoping that when I move I will start to go out for short walks and maybe join a slimming club. I know I need to.
I canât stand for long and have very little interest. I keep thinking I will make a sauce and freeze it but then never do. It is easier to grab a thing from the freezer and put it in the oven. So far I have only cooked two meals in the 10 weeks since he died. A piece of pork loin with some peas and a rump steak with chips. I managed not to completely ruin them. I tried some sausages but couldnât have cooked them enough as I was quite ill the next day. I cooked some bacon but made a real mess of the hob. Still gradually getting it clean. Today not too bad. I have eaten some grapes and had tomato in my sandwich. Only had a couple of biscuits. I have a food delivery every couple of weeks and on that day try to organise salad. The main problem is that I have to get up so early for my carers so by mid morning I am very hungry. I try to go for an apple but biscuits can be soooo tempting. Just trying to keep weight in check at this point as grief is still very raw.
Xx
@Pudding
Yes, 10 weeks is no time at all and as you say, your grief is still very raw.
I think you are very positive and it sounds like you are trying your best.
It is so easy to just grab the first tasty thing to eat especially as you are in deep grief and as I often feel, I just canât be bothered.
I have surprised myself with my ability to make a reasonable meal. Everyone thought I wouldnât manage in the kitchen but I have. I donât have much enthusiasm though and I put that down to grief.
Keep on doing what you are doing, there is no right or wrong. xx