To My Fellow Grievers-On this forum, we’ve all experienced different losses. One thing we have in common, however, is that we now live with a heart shattered by the wounds of grief. I was always a healthy person, strong and high energy. People marveled at how much I could take on by myself. After the tragic, sudden death of my precious younger Sister, my zest for life waned. I continued working two jobs (my method of coping with my loss), but the grief was slowly draining my life force. During lock down I started having cardiac like symptoms. I took it as anxiety. One day I thought I was having a heart attack. I was not afraid to die. I felt a sense of peace and imagined going to be with my Sister. But when the symptoms subsided, and I was still here, I decided to finally go to a Dr. They discovered I have a “Leaky Heart Valve.” When I was given this news, I immediately thought, “I could have told them my heart was crying.” A “Broken Heart” is not merely a figure of speech, but something we grievers can attest, truly exists, Yes, a “Broken Heart” actually shows up on a Cardiogram. It is real, because we feel it every day, every time we gasp to take another breathe, every time we struggle to take another step in a world without our loved ones, devoid of our human life lines. There is no medicine, nor a cure to mend our hearts, except to have our loved ones back with us. Peace & Love to all the Broken Hearted. Xxx
I’m so sorry for your loss, you’re words are so true. I lost my Auntie just over 2 years ago she was my best friend and my heart is broken into pieces without her in my life. I’ll never get over it and my heart aches every day. Thank you for putting into words what Im feeling x
Thank you for sending Peace and Love Sister 2. I return the same to you along with strength so you alone, can continue the journey for both of you, best wishes, xx
Never a truer word said. Following the sudden death of my husband I am trying to ensure that our kids do not have to go through the awful process of dealing with arrangements when my time comes. I have written a few simple instructions - one includes what I want in the paper which is simply to read “died of a broken heart”. My faith stops me from doing myself harm - I have to believe that I will be reunited with my husband when the time comes - but I know my heart will never mend from the loss I have suffered.
I am now suffering from a range of issues brought on by the stress of loosing my husband.
I know, Sheila - as if it’s not bad enough having to be without them, the physical issues make it even harder. I had no idea that could happen. I thought grief was grief, and I knew it caused absolute misery but I had no idea it could make you ill, but, like you, I have had a few problems which I never had before. It’s horrible.
Hugs, Ann x
How I can confirm what you and others have said. We DO have a broken heart but the medical profession don’t accept this, however there is such an illness.
I had the same thing happen to me as you just a few weeks after losing my husband. I had never been seriously ill, in hospital or even had an a appointment. My symptoms would come and go and being a keen walker I was certainly pushing myself some days and still do. I also told them that it was a broken heart I was suffering from but was ignored.
Thank you to all who responded to my post. It is comforting to be validated. I knew the good people on this forum would understand. Pattidot is correct, that the medical profession discredits what we as grievers know is true. I recently had someone tell me, that once I get treatment for my heart problem, it will heal. I just shook my head. They have no idea how deep the wound of grief cuts into our hearts. My heart may scar over, but heal, never. xxx
Hi Pattidot, I do recall reading your previous post about feeling ill after the loss of your beloved husband. You knew what the professionals did not.
The “Broken Heart Syndrome” is a reality. Xxx
Hi all, I too have had more physical illness that I’ve never had before.
Headaches, nausea, lots of stomach issues.
My stomach constantly feels like a washing machine! My hair has got thinner and more greasy. I don’t think anyone can ever be prepared for this, it is a million times worse than I could have ever expected, and because i don’t have my partner to share how I feel with, everything seems more serious than it probably is.
When I was in my teens, I remember my grandma always saying she had aches and pains or thinking she had illnesses, I think I understand now, it was grief from the loss of her husband.
Hugs to you all, Jacky. Xxx
Yes thank you for posting this. I feel chest pains around my heart often and pain between my shoulder blades when I am active sometimes despite that I lost three stone in weight in the months following my husband’s death (I’m not underweight so I should feel healthier).
My husband died of a heart attack and he didn’t have chest pain beforehand but he did have pain between the shoulder blades. I told the dr and he sent me for basic tests (bloods, measurements no serious machines). They said I’m fine and healthy.
I don’t care if I’m not but I know I feel literal pain my heart when I think often. I’m feeling it now before I came on here so I totally agree. It’s like someone wringing my heart in their hand like a wet sponge.
There is a thing called the widowhood effect that has been investigated by many studies over the last 40 yrs. We have an increased risk of death in the first three months following spousal bereavement. It drops a bit then but is still significantly higher than comparable people who have not lost their bonded life partner. The effect is thought to be higher for men and those under 60.
Just today someone said to me that the wound of your loss will heal but the scar will remain forever. Grief is very much misunderstood within the medical profession. It is physical as much as mental .
Your grief is so real physically and emotionally. I too had a pain for about a year and couldn’t do any exercise without feeling nauseous. I read about ‘broken hearts’ and was surprised to read how physical that can be. Doing two jobs and keeping yourself distracted has kept you from grieving properly. Be kind to yourself. Take it easy.
I completely agree and get how you are feeling. I lost my dad last year and it isn’t getting any easier. My heart is broken and I don’t know if I will ever feel love again. I can’t seem to love and have any affection for my husband as my grief is so intense.
People say does it get easier or better? I’m thinking what is their interpretation of easier or better? It’s my view that with our own individual losses nothing can ever get easier or better because our losses can never be restored.
I have found that I have no option but to live alongside of it because it’s sadly the reality that we cannot get away from, try and put it in the background by distracting yourself by any sort of means which may for a short period give you a little respite but it will always be there and you will always get flash backs.
Memories can never be taken away from you they will always be in you mind somewhere.
After my hubby passed and I first found the strength to go out with a friend , I found myself sobbing out loud to the song ‘What becomes of the broken hearted.’ I never really liked the song before but it said everything I was feeling.
I have played this song today and yes, it does say everything about how we are feeling. After nearly seven years without Peter, I still have this cold place in my stomach, it never feels warm, it just feels empty . I went for a tube down my throat to check my stomach but there was nothing wrong.
Hi Sheila. I hope you are ok after tube in your tummy. I had a throat endoscopy or whatever you call it. Everything was fine but I couldn’t have cared.
I was fine, thank you, and I am happy that you were okay, but I will be honest, I have had a DNR made out by the GP just before the pandemic started, I have the original copy and our sons have copies of it.
It is on my medical records but if I go in hospital I will take it with me and when I go out, it is in my handbag in case I get knocked down with a double decker bus. I do not want bringing back if I die.
I feel your loneliness and unhappiness. Things you do are just time fillers and not how you would like to be living your life. I find I Stay strong for the sake of my family as I don’t want them to feel responsible for me or guilty about anything when I die. It’s been easier not seeing so many people over the past year. Take it easy. Get to know yourself your kindness, appreciation of others and their love for you. Take care.
For once Bristles I have to agree with your reply to Decaodonna and we don’t agree that often but you couldn’t have put how we have to cope better. Your right we HAVE to get on with a life as best we can. Find a way through the fog. I have a busy active life and continued to enjoy the interests we shared but there is never a moment that my beloved husband isn’t with me. I find myself thinking ‘How would Brian have done this’ 'Or ‘What would Brian have said’. Flashbacks, oh yes, a hundred times a day. This is my life now and I find it easier to accept it than fight it, and to be honest I don’t want to forget my husband and feel him still there beside me.