Hi Trevor
at least you have each other and your grandson will be your world hope it all goes as well as it can in the chapel of rest for you i never went to see my husband i just couldnt face it but at least i was with him over the last 48hrs till he died and held his hand with hugs and kisses at the end
look after youself as it sounds as if you have had a rough time with your own health problems too
pat
Thank you for your messages.
I woke this morning and I really broke down, the worse l have been since that fatal day 4 weeks ago today. The tears are flowing and will not stop. The nearer it gets to the funeral on Friday the worse it is getting.
I have not known grief like this it is unbearable at times. I know it is early days but at the moment l cannot see it getting better. I have to motivate myself to do anything. I just donāt care about work or anything.
Hi Trevor
i was the same at your stage in my grief i got up one morning and for no reason at all i just could not stop crying all day in the end my daughte had to fetchme and take me to hers still have my bad moments i am 2months now since i lost my husba nd so things a little better the days comeing up to the funeral were hard its the waiting for that day
things do start getting alittle better after the funeral and now 2months down the line i can say i am getting a little stronger dont cry every day now like i used to
stay as strong as you can to get through the funeral and make it her day like i did for my husband good luck and just let the tears flow you have to let the emotions out to get on the road of recovery i know how you are feeling
take care
pat
Pat
Thanks for message. I am told it will get easier as time goes by.
Waiting for Friday is very hard.
We are not calling it a funeral. It is a celebration of her life. We are not having a full religious service with hymns etc. But are having pieces of her favourite music, one played at our wedding, one which we always said was our song., also a poem, a period of reflection, and tributes read from her best friend, her sister and from myself in which l express my deepest love for her.
Trevour
that sounds lovely and very special
because my husband was catholic it was important to meet his wishes and gave him the funeral i hope he would have been proud of
because we have retired greyhound and she was in the car following the hurst with me in the church and at the graveside by my side
also had a guard of honour along the path that the hurst drove past with vounteers and greyhounds from the trust
pat
it was a wonderful sight he would have loved
Will be thinking of you all on Friday 
I too lost my Hubs 10 weeks ago itās so hard I donāt know how to carry on, although I have a wonderful family I need my Husband.
Hi Caz
you just have to take one step at a time and one day at a time and think of what your husband would want you to if he could speak to you now
your at the saame stage as me in your grief luckily enough i have a greyhound thats my stregnth now and always by my side
i am sure your husband and mine would say please dont be too sad and try and be strong and look after youself
i heard a quote the other day that said grief and pain is a part of life we have to cope with
but that also makes us stronger people
pat
Thank you for ur kind words. Iām trying and keeping busy. Take care pat. X
Hi Trev, we done the same for my husbandās funeral. He never wanted anything solemn. So we had a celebration of his life. My grandson and son in law did readings with some lighthearted bits thrown in. We also had some poems and music that he would have like. Itās a month ago since we buried him. Itās so hard but I have to try and stay positive. Take care.
Hi Kathy
Thank you for your message.
My wifeās celebration of life was held on Friday and over 130 people attended the service with standing room only at the back of the crematorium Chapel.
Everyone my step daughter and myself spoke to said what a beautiful and fitting service it was. Most said they had never been to a celebration of life service and that it was much better than a traditional solom religious service.
Now that family and friends have left to go on with their lives everything feels quite and empty. Virtually all of her and my family live more than 200 miles awy. Leaving just me and my step daughter ( we have become very close since the fatal day her mum and my wife suddenly passed away) left to get on with things.
My sleeping pattern is so erratic l have tried going to bed very late but wake up between 4 & 5, Yesterday l felt really drained, went to bed at 10 but woke up 2.30 that is why l am typing this message at this time of the morning. Up until her celebration of life l felt that she was still with me if that makes sense, but when the curtains closed around the coffin it feels she has now gone forever. I now feel so lonelyā¦
Yesterday afternoon my step daughter, her partner and my 5 year old grandson and me went out to the sea front. I needed some fresh air and to get out of the house. Although l tried not to show my feeling of sadness it was hard especially seeing people of my age and wifeās age (early 60ās) walking holding hands and generally enjoying themselves. These are things l miss so much and now have gone forever.
Hopefully things will get easier but at the moment l cannot see it.
Sorry for rambling on. Take care.
Hi Trevor
thats the trouble when the funeral is over everyone goes and you are left alone but you still have her daughter and grandson to hold on to and together you will help each other grow stronger you got through the hardest part now all the rest will come slowly
i know what you mean about about sleeping habits i go to bet sometimes exhausted but once i get into bed it seems aged to fall asleep then keep waking up every couple of hours
but hopefully things will start to get better just got to still move slowly and just live every day as it comes
thats the trouble when everyone lives so far away my 3 daughters all live about an hours drive away and all work and as i cant drive i have to wait till i they get to me but we always talk on the phone and have a realy close friend that i see and talk to
look after yourself and enjoy your grandson he is the one who will make you smile through the pain
pat
Pat
Thank you for your message.
I thought the hardest part would be the 4 weeks leading up to her funeral but during that period People were around, numerous text messages and wats app messages, and all the arrangements for the funeral. But now it is all over virtually all messages have dried up and all is quiet.
My step daughter has been my rock. Like l told her the other day that l she is not a step daughter but a daughter l never had.
My grandson is my lifeline. He idolises me. When l am around he does not want to know anybody else,
Take care
Trevor
Trevor
i felt the same leading upto the funeral but afterwards every one gets back to normal and of course you would have been busy oranising everything
good that you have 2 good people in your life though you need that and your grandson will be the biggest person to give you and his mom the strgnth you need and with the wedding coming up next year i am sure you will be getting busy again
all the best
pat
H Trev, please donāt ever think youāre rambling on thatās the best of this site, we can say what we feel. Like your house, mine feels so empty. We would usually go to bed early and have a read or maybe just stay up to watch a film on tv. I just stay up as late as I can now so hopefully I can just drop into bed and go to sleep. I have no internet in having a read anymore. Because Alf had to have Macmillan nurses coming , along with family the house was always busy before he died and now thereās just me. People say Iām lucky because family are only a couple of miles away but they have their own busy lives. Besides, I tell everyone Iām fine, Iām getting there. But inside Iām crying and so lonely. Alf and I done everything together, we were happy in each otherās company. I think itās me thatās rambling on now. Thanks for getting back to me Trev. Message me anytime, itās good that we can all talk to each other like this. By the way, Alf got cremated and I have his ashes at home. I feel itās a comfort to me. Take care Trev.
Love Kathy
We had no family. Waited a month after June passed for the funeral. Now nearly three weeks on from the Funeral everything has gone quiet. I have a Brother who hasnāt spoken for over a week. I donāt go out the door unless absolutely necessary. Iām on meds. Iām really low breaking down numerous times daily. I have a good friends a couple who asked me to go to the pub today for lunch. I just cannot face it but donāt want them to disappear too. I donāt have a big circle of friends anyway. I had to call the Crisis team midweek and two male Nurses came out and listened to my story. Early days grief was mentioned. I cannot take this pain. Lost around 2 st since I lost June. I have little appetite.
Itās so hard isnāt it. A type of pain and sadness none of us understand until weāve experienced it. I look at friends and family very differently now, those who have lost their husbands, wives, partners with a completely different view now. This is the hardest thing for anyone to cope with. You just feel so empty and sad. I even thought I new the meaning if the word sad before I lost my husband, itās only now how I see I didnāt have a clue. Iām not sure what the answers are as everyone seems to say we are all different. So all I can say is please dig deep and try to at least function for the time being. Hopefully, weāll be able to start enjoying things someday, no matter how small they are. I feel like Iām typing empty words to you because itās like Iām trying to convince myself. Thinking if you.
Hi Shiney
i think the hardest part is after the funeral because everyone just gets on with their lives i would take up you fiends offer the first time out is the worst but that one step will help a lot
i was offered to be taken to my first dog walk that i have alwys gone to in the past i said yes on the morning of beng picked up i was so nervouse i nearly rang to say no but didnt it was hard to get in someone elses car and not my husbands and going where he used to drop me off and pick me up but i took some deep breaths and with my dog beside i took that first step to go and i was glad i did
i have been to another one since which was easier i go to my friends house for a couple of hours now and again
its just making yourself do things now and each time does get better
take care
pat
I met my wife on an Internet dating site 15 years ago after both our first marriages broke up. I moved 170 miles to be with her. We were quite happy in just each others company. We very rarely went to any social events. My wife hade a number of friends or more aquantances rather than close friends apart from one who she has known since she was 4, but only saw once in a while due to work and other commitments but they were in regular contact via text messages etc. I had made no close friends. All the neighbours keep themselves to themselves and we are only on nodding terms.
I work for a very small company and work from home so l do not see anybody face to face apart from zoom calls.
What l am trying to say is that apart from my step daughter and grandson they are the only people l see regularly. My wifeās best friend texts regularly but l donāt see her very often. I speak to my brother and sisters once a week but l donāt see them as they live 170 miles away.
I am not a dog lover so going out for dog walks is a non starter. I have no hobbies which involved interaction with other people.
The isolation and loneliness, now that the funeral is over, is bearable at the moment but l can only see this becoming worse. I try to show a brave face on things but inside my emotions are gnawing away. My biggest worry is falling ill and having nobody to look after me (l have had previous heart attacks). My step daughter has to work and has her own life to lead without worrying about me.
Trev
Iām so lost and broken ,I lost my husband 31st August 2021
My husband tried to commit suicide but it took a week for him to pass away in hospital, after my son my husbands stepson told me they have been having affair for 18 months, I still have no answers Iām so confused broken and lost with all of this