Continuing the discussion from About the Losing a partner category:
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Hi, I lost my wonderful partner 23 days ago.
Pete went out jogging, something he had always done,I took our 2 dogs to the beach and came back to find he hadn’t returned, 5 minutes later 2 policemen came to my door and told me he had collapsed on the road and the paramedics were working on him, about 10 minutes later they came back and said he couldn’t be revived.
I still can’t believe it has happened, Pete was a very fit 59 year old, we had bought a cottage in the countryside and were doing it up.
I have no family nearby and we had only lived here 6 months and 3 days when he passed away.
We had only been together 5 years, and were blissfully happy, I am so heartbroken and we had so many plans for the future.
My world has been turned upside down, I can’t sleep, and don’t know how to cope with the pain, it just hurts so much. I will never get over the shock.
People keep asking if there’s anything they can do to help, but the only thing that could help me would be for him to walk back through the front door. He was such a wonderful person and did not deserve this.
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I am so sorry to hear of your loss.
I can feel you pain and bewilderment and shock. It’s exactly how I felt when I lost my husband in March of this year.
Some times it feels a life time ago and some days it feels like it happened yesterday.
In the early days I remember the emotions and pain being so intense It makes me wonder how our own hearts and body survive the trauma we experience. I so wanted that awful feeling to stop.
And stop it has only to be replaced with a numb, dull feeling/existence.
Again a wonder how our bodies, mind and soul can survive an existence void of any true feelings of happiness or emotion.
I feel I have shut down in every aspect of my life to avoid feeling any more pain.
If I don’t enjoy, love or experience pleasure of any kind ever again then surely I can’t be hurt, bewildered or suffer this horrible loss and pain again
Dee xx
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It’s trying to bear it all, emotionally exhausting I’m four months grieving and still can’t say how I feel, I’ve had a bad day today I could have quite easily stayed in bed but I made myself get up and was tempted to cancel the gym but thought I’m going to feel rubbish anyway so go which I did but had a massive meltdown when I got home which may have happened anyway, I’m sorry for your loss and take care of yourself, you’re not alone we’re all here for you xx
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Hi Dee,
I am sorry for you loss too. I feel exactly like you and agree about our hearts and body being able to survive the trauma.
Sometimes I just cry for hours until I’m exhausted and hope to be able to sleep but have probably only slept a max of 4 hours in one go since this happened.
Other times I try to do some cleaning and keep busy but there is so much of Pete in the house and my mind just goes back to the shock and disbelief. Having all his things around me gives me a bit of comfort.
I dread washing my hair because I can’t stand looking at myself in the mirror, I think it’s because I can see the sadness in my eyes.
I also find myself using very hot water because my body seems so numb.
I am all alone and if it wasn’t for my 2 dogs I would probably just lie in bed and cry all day.
My neighbours have been very good at checking on me and helping but we had only moved to this area 6 months ago and had so many plans for the future.
My family live 3 and a half hours drive away and my sister stayed with me to help me get through the first 2 weeks but she has her own family and my elderly Mum to look after.
People keep asking what I’m doing for Christmas and I’ve had a few invites, I wish I could just lock the world out and have my wonderful Pete back, he always used to say he liked nothing more than being in our bubble.
Yvonne x
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My husband Martin was very out going, could and would talk to anyone.
I was the home bird, happy with my lot so long as I had Martin with me.
No I am on my own and there isn’t any enjoyment In my life. I just muddle through.
I am a step mum to Martins son, and I use that word loosely as we didn’t have the best relationship.
That worries me now as I wonder if the gap will widen.
Xx
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Dee
You quote exactly how I feel No joy, no excitement. Just a long flat endless road with a painted smile on my face. I have no motivation for anything
It is all a game of pretend
Xx
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It’s so exhausting though it’s almost like you’re watching from outside, everyone excited for Xmas not really aware of the huge hole in my life, my broken heart, I feel utterly defeated and I’m staying home as much as I can in my sanctuary, it’s too much to bear and I’m not good company at the moment I’ve told my family and friends I’m not doing Xmas this year so hopefully they will understand hugs to everyone at such a sad time xx
I understand that feeling of utter shock. My husband went out for his evening run, collapsed and died. Me and my son went to find him when he was late returning but it was too late. He was 50. I am 9 months on but my mind still can’t comprehend how life can change so drastically, so quickly. My thoughts are with you.
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I lost my wife Sue 5 weeks ago which as I’m writing I still can not believe Sue was the love of my life & I feel totally lost without her she was my life, so I can relate to the posts on here.
My wife suffered a short illness so it came as such a shock also as she was very fit walking / running most days we were luckier than some as we spent last 5 years in Spain 
as we retired early something Sue convinced me to do which I’m so pleased we did have that time but very sad we can not now fulfill our dreams & plans
We had bought in Brittany, intending to live there, 8 years ago.
Everything changed a month back when my husband and partner of 44 years took his own life.
The horror of it all will forever haunt me. He had Parkinsons but I had no idea of the despair he must have been feeling .
The ghastly guilt and torment left behind and the events of that last day are stuck on a never ending hamster wheel.
I don’t want another husband as I’m glad and happy we had the years we did but I can’t bear to think of a bleak future and wish I could follow him quickly to end this torture or have a male companion for friendship and outings only.
Perhaps it’s far too soon to figure out a future but I can’t see the point of living as a singleton yet can’t see another close relationship ever happening either.
Oh for a release from this
torment.
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Its not about getting through the day, its a moment by moment survival. Sometimes my mind wanderers of to nowhere inparticular which is nice (a kind of short lived stillness) and then that numd dull feel of reality returns. I read about meditation and mindfulness as being helpful, not looked into this yet, dont know if its because I’m wallowing in some kind of self-pity but i feel unmotivated to do anything.
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I lost my husband on the 19th of march after a heart attack i did cpr ,restarted his heart but he died in hospital shortly after, his funeral is fri 26th of April. I feel reassured he would be so pleased,with what i have planned, nothing traditional just a celebration of the man i love . Its just the loneliness and the quiet, everything worries me,and now im finding it harder to ask for help with his family. No one calls ,its i’m at the end of a phone.Being on here offers comfort as we’re all sharing the same feelings, which is desperately sad . ,but thank you to you all
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My heart goes out to you.
January 16th 2024 lost my wife.
I am starting to take time to consider how my wife would like me to carry on living (and I know she would want this).
Its never going to be the same, there is no normal as it was before. Its about my whole life, my lifes journey taking a completely different path. I definitely don’t want to put a foot on that path (I just want things to be the same as they were) but I feel my wife is starting to push me gently forward (I believe she will continue on this journey with me). Take care.
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I have no doubt my husband is with me ,he would never leave me ,had he the choice ,i have felt an odd calm occasionally, which only he could make me feel, as i did with him from the very start. I miss that so much. The comfort of his noise, the smell of his aftershaves The future is something, i cant even think of right now. Its just hour by hour that gets me through. Its so hard for us all what ever stage we’re at .