Bullsh!t Bingo

General chat
#1

2 points for every one of the below someone said to you when you are grieving:

  • Time heals all wounds
  • everything happens for a reason
    *god needed another angel
    *the Lord never gives us more than we can handle
    *he/she wouldn’t want you to be upset
  • i know how you feel
    *you’re still young (implying so you can find another partner, have more kids…)
    *at least he/she is no longer in pain/ death is a blessing
    *be strong
    *he/she wouldn’t want you to cry
    *he/she is waiting in heaven for you
    *you’ve still got us/me
  • you don’t have to be alone, we/I will help (when they are as useful as a chocolate face mask)

3 pointers:
*If you think this is bad… (followed by a story they consider worse)

*I’m worried about you (because you didn’t do something they told you to do), it’s been a while now and you need to move on

  • he/she had a good innings/lived a long life

*there is a reason for everything/it was gods will

*let me know if I can do anything (bonus point for “anything at all” on the end and then them ignoring you)

  • he/she is in a better place now (better than being with me?)

  • you’re doing so well

*“wow you’ve lost weight” which plan have you been following? (err… the I can’t bear to eat plan…)

*life goes on so you need to [insert command here that is not actually strictly necessary]

  • Everyone is struggling at the moment, life is hard for everyone due to covid.

*you’re not alone

5 pointers:

  • he/she made their choice to live that way (subtle blaming the person for dying due to they smoked/ate/drank etc.)

*yes i know how you feel, when my goldfish died I was in bits (variant)

*you’ll meet someone else (loss of a partner, like you can nip to asda and pick up a replacement)

*it will be okay I promise you, I had a vision…

*something good will come from this, i remember when such a [insert bad thing nothing like what you are going through here] and years later [insert here very superficial good thing happened]

*you’re wallowing now

*this could be the making of you to discover how strong you really are

How many have you collected so far!? Anyone with a full BINGO card? Please feel free to submit new additions and their point value!

15 Likes
#2

My brother-in-law the night I told him his brother had been killed in RTA. “Better he died instantaneously as you would not have wanted him to be a cabbage”. Again same person two days before the funeral “I have come to terms with his death”. Same person two weeks after the funeral “when we are all allowed to meet properly, we will give him a proper send off”. Same family Facebook post end of September “congratulations you have made it to the end of September, proceed to Level 10 of Jumani”.

#3

Don’t forget, “Are you enjoying being single”.

#4

Yes yes and yes
How the hell does other people know how you feel they don’t understand
They say I know how you feel. Eh no they don’t
Time is a great healer. Is it?
Things happen for a reason or it wasn’t meant to be?
Or friends will say I’m here for you
No there not they’re nowhere to be seen
Or that you’ll get over it
Or hope you feel better soon

1 Like
#5

I scored 62 not quite a full house yet but I believe once lock down is over I can achieve a full house for sure I will meet many more ignoramuses :blush:

#6

I’m not sure how many points I’ve scored but certainly a few. No doubt everyone’s score will increase once lockdown eases - one of the reasons I’m more than happy for it to stay. I don’t want to go back to “normal” anyway, for me there is no normal any more, that’s gone. I could quite happily be a hermit and not see anyone ever.

3 Likes
#7

@FleurDeLis This is excellent, I’ve got quite a lot of them. No one has dared suggest I’m wallowing yet, but I’m sure I will get that once Lockdown ends.

1 Like
#8

Dear NJL

Totally agree. I only see my son and his partner because they work and I look after our little grandson. Daughter lives down south. Love my kids and grandson. If not for them would be quite happy to just close the curtains, lock the door and wait for my number to be up so that I can join my husband.

A few family members have said when lock down is over I have to go round theirs, or come and stay. I have politely declined each invitation.

Another comment I have had is that I have to move forward. I hate this saying. Move forward to what the love of my life has gone.

Take care all.

2 Likes
#9

My personal favourite ’ At least he went suddenly, that’s how we would all like to go’ :thinking:

#10

My worst one ‘has your husband really died?’ … I was asked during a telephone call I received after sending an email to a legal firm advising them of my husband’s death.

#11

Spledid Post FleurDeLis, Thank you. Allow me to add the following said to me after I lost my Mom in 2012, and then my precious little Sister in 2018:

“Don’t feel sorry for yourself” (Why not? The most important person in my life was cruelly ripped away)
“We all have problems” ( And how is that dismissive comment supposed to make me feel better?)
“Everybody goes through it” (but right now I am going through “it”)
“You will never get past this , if you don’t let go” ( I will never get “past” this, nor will I ever" let go" of my loved one)
“You had more years with your Mum than I had with mine” ( There is never enough time with our loved ones, and you cannot compare grief)
“You sound strong” ( How can they determine what “strong” sounds like?)
“You look good, I would be a mess” (Again another judgemental comment, and insinuating that they would be much more distraught than I, Just because I tried to look presentable back at work, was no indication how I was really feeling inside)

Then the one’s who ask you how you are, then change the subject when you answer. One co-worker actually cut me off and complained about a package he was expecting that did not arrive. How I wished that was my only problem.

Another “Friend” said he was grieving too, because they transferred him to a new office, and he was missing his old one. I was speechless.

When I was saying how strong & positive my younger sister was throughout her cancer journey, my boss said “but she died anyway.”

The first Xmas after losing my Sister, another “Friend” sent me a cheery Xmas card that spoke of what a “joyful” season this is. “Joyful?” I was feeling anything but joy, without my Sister AND my Mother,

And there are so much more. I lost my job due to covid, and in a way I am glad the people at my new job have no idea about my losses. This way I am safe from the tactless, insensitive verbal assaults from so-called friends & long term colleagues.

3 Likes
#12

I scored a 62 as well.

1 Like
#13

Had a lot of them best one my brother 2 weeks after funeral saying he’s dead now it’s not all about you stop being selfish. Graham had underlying Heath issue and was unwell but caught COVID in hospital and passed away same brother said you knew he was going to die so can’t be such a shock. Honestly can’t believe what comes out of some people’s mouths. Just ignore the idiots now x

1 Like
#14

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10 Likes
#15

2 pointers:

My friend “better things will come "
My excolleague “death is part of life”
A cousin " you have to move on, life goes on”
Friend “you knew he was sick, he would have died anyway”
Friend “i am just a phone call away” she hasn’t answered my calls yet"
Friend " you have all the bed for you"
Friend “now you can have the house as you want, the way you want”

1 Like
#16

I also had a few classic comments. When I told my neighbour that my beloved husband had died she said ‘Oh you’re lucky - I cant’ get rid of mine’
Another long term ‘friend’ that I confided in told me after just 7 weeks that i should get on with life as Mike would be horrified if he knew I was crying and not eating and just feeling sorry for myself.

It is Mike’s birthday tomorrow and yes - I shall be in tears and probably feeling just as sorry for myself.

You just couldn’t make it up. Love to you all.x

1 Like
#17

To be truthful, I found people who sent me ‘Have a happy Christmas’ card after my husband had died only a few weeks before disgusting. These were people who were friends and neighbours who knew what had happened but had then forgotten at Christmas.

When a neighbours mum died just before Christmas last year, I sent her a ‘Thinking of you’ card and writing inside it a personal note. She came round and thanked me for it and told me she was annoyed at how many Happy Christmas cards she had received.even though people knew her mum had just died. I explained that is what had happened to me when my husband had died.

All I can think is that people sit at their table with a pile of cards and just go through them all with the same comments. Have a lovely Christmas. There is no thought or meaning to it so why do they bother. I stopped sending cards after Peter died and now contribute to the British Lung Foundation in his name.

Sheila.xx

2 Likes
#18

Dear Sheila

Same experience. One of Ian’s friends sent me a Christmas card with “have a wonderful Christmas”. I was beyond distraught. This was my first Christmas without Ian. In September he had been at the funeral and watched as my son broke down delivering the eulogy and knows that all three of us are in counselling trying to come to terms with Ian’s sudden death. I would rather people did not send cards.

Sheila x

1 Like
#19

… the ‘Happy Christmas’ cards a month after my husband’s funeral were then followed by the New Years Eve/New Year day texts saying … ‘Happy New Year’ :rage:

2 Likes
#20

Dear Sheila26.

I think we have all been there. It beggars belief what goes through these people’s minds. I have come to the conclusion that these so called friends do not think about what they are doing. I think they have stacks of cards on a conveyor belt and just sign them without even thinking about it, it would be easier if they just bought a rubber stamp as it would mean the same thing, nothing.

Our eldest son who was 44 years old was one that surprised me the year after his dad died. It would have been my Peter’s first birthday since he passed away. Our son sent me a text and it just said, “thinking about dad today, did you bake him a cake”. I was shocked, I text back and gave him the rollicking of his life. He said he was trying to cheer me up. My husbands first birthday since he died and I was heartbroken all over again and then my idiot of a son sends me that text. I thought there is no hope for anyone else if even our son is trying to make light of his dad’s death.

Our youngest son 41 was absolutely outraged by his brother.

Love
Sheila.(Lonely)

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