Thought I would reply as you’re active on this thread as well! You couldn’t have said it better thinking that were going bonkers with grief and loneliness. I seem to find myself second guessing the annoyances I experience with silly people who say terribly insensitive things.
The day I found out my dad went into hospital in critical condition, my housemate had broken things off with a boy who she’d been speaking to for all of 2 months. She then went on to say
‘Today really hasn’t been our day! Must be something in the air’.
to make her relationship of 2 months (which then was back on, and off, and on, and off) equal to the serious sudden illness of my father was a real slap in the face when I was already down. The difference remained that she could call this boy up again, I can’t bring my dad back.
In light of such a life changing crisis I’m finding myself very disappointed in people I thought would support me through anything.
Hope you are finding much better support in this community xxx
I am struggling with going to work, but I am doing it. Every day while I am there I struggle to hold myself together. As I leave the tears well up, and I just want to get back to my haven, my home.
Within the same hour at work I had someone saying I don’t know if this will upset you, but I am going to show you anyway. Then a photo of a ghost was put in front of me. She said she thought it would bring me comfort. Went to wash my cup up and another colleague said I am sorry I have not mentioned it before, but I am sorry about what has happened to you. I thanked her. How are you doing? She asked. Well life is totally different now I replied. Yes it will be she said, but you have to think you are not the only one affected in the last year, lots of people have lost their loved ones, jobs, had to be furloughed, and had to home school. It has been difficult for everyone. I replied yes I know life has been hard for loads of people, smiled and left the room. I realise home schooling etc has been difficult, but to compare that to me losing the other half of me was just unbelievable!
I so know what you mean. When Tony died, I notified my cousin, who lives up North. 6 months later, I got a Christmas card from them. His wife said they hoped I was managing, and then went on to tell me all that they planned for Christmas, and that they were afraid that Covid might put paid to their planned holiday this year.
I threw the card away, and will not be sending cards to them again.
Dear Sheila,
The funny thing is, I had stopped sending cards to anyone but relatives years ago, and, like you, thought charities were a better place to spend money. I must admit, this card amazed me. I know people can be weird, but the sentiments on there were something else!
Hooray for people on here, I say, people like you who have become friends over the months. I know who I’ll be writing to!
Hope you are coping today. It’s a whole new way of life, isn’t it? Hugs, Ann x
Hello @Lonely. I could understand what you meant about taking your Mum everywhere when you and Peter were younger. I had two young children and a business to run but we still took Mum everywhere. We too once went out for a day trip with the kids without telling Mum and she played hell with us when we got back, especially as my Gran had chosen that day to die unexpectedly.
The sun is out and I’m seeing all the spring flowers in the garden that Mike planted for me and it makes me very sad that he’s not here to share them with me.
We can only take one day at a time Sheila. I have no family living near me and Mike and I never needed many friends so life is very lonely at times.Take care, Love and light. x
Hello @Lonely. I think what you mention about your Mum mirrors my own experience almost to the letter. I think it must have been a way of life in those days. We too lost Dad when I was just 28 with a family and a business to run. We took Mum everywhere with us and had her every Christmas. Like you, she would never babysit for me and preferred her own home if she wasn’t with us. Again like you I never answered back and was never cuddled as a child.
Today life is so different and everyone has a busy life to get on with so we don’t really loom large in their world.
We will get over this somehow. I hope that one day I can talk to Mike’s photo without crying so much and I hope you can find some peace too Sheila. I read recently re- our loved ones - 'While you are thinking about them who is looking after you.
Love and light. x
Hi Wong-I saw your post and I am sorry you are having to put up with such insensitive people at work. Showing you a “ghost” thinking it would bring you comfort, is unbelievable. I relate to what you are saying because I heard the exact same thing from someone I consider like a brother. In the last two years I lost my beloved Sister and my full time job (due to Covid) When I mentioned how the lock down isolation intensified my grief, he said “we are all going through it, so many people are also suffering during this last year.” When I added how much I missed my Sister, and how the job loss compounded my grief, he said “I am grieving too, I had to relocate to another office, and I miss the old one,” How can one compare moving to another office, to the loss of a job & income, on top of the tragic death of a loved one? I was hurt and disappointed, and ended the conversation. I started a new part time job, and I am glad no one knows about the death of my precious Sister, because it will save me from any tactless comments. Take care,
Thank you so much to everyone who has shared their stories on this topic. It has provided me with a lot of comfort. It is 12 years tomorrow that I lost my beloved husband. A truely loving, caring, kind and above all fun man and devoted father. I have always felt that no one before has come close to understanding the enormity of my loss until I have read your stories. I have suffered so many of the crass remarks over the years I have gradually stopped mentioning it to anyone. Which I don’t like either. I wish I knew the answer. Because the feelings of isolation and being detached from the people around me is also very hard. It’s very hard to understand because people are dying and people are suffering loss all the time but somehow when one’s loss is so raw and acute almost no one has the words that will help. And they are so needed at these times. So thanks and thanks to Sue Ryder for providing this forum.