can i be happy again

Hi Jackie
I know exactly what you mean. My husband died on 22nd June, he just collapsed in the garage and that we that. I knew he had passed away but after ringing 999 they had me doing CPR or at least counting me through it until the ambulances arrived. I didn’t have a clue and was in a state of shock. I don’t feel like this house is a home now and keep having flashbacks to Mike lying on the garage floor. I am thinking about moving but everyone says wait for at least a year but I don’t see the point of that. Has anyone moved and then regreted it? Sending hugs to everyone It is my birthday at the end of January we both had the same birthday so it will be hard. It’s a big one for me the family wanted to do a party but I don’t want that so have just agreed to a meal out,

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Hi Poppypop, I always said that if I had the chance I would move straight away although I do like my little house but it was my husbands when we met so I never had the chance to choose a home with him and this really annoyed me and he wouldn’t sell. My husband himself told me to give myself time after he had gone. I wanted to walk out the day he died. He passed away in this house with just me with him after illness. My dining room is a constant reminder that is where his bed was. However when I actually thought about going I just couldn’t I clung to this house as a comfort blanket now just over a year later I am finding no comfort at all in my house or garden and wonder if I should at last make that move. Start again with a home that is mine and not have all the reminders of our thirty years together, just looking at his chair is so painful now. Somehow it is wearing me down now. It’s just having that strength to make that vital move and all the changes. However I do feel that something is telling me it’s time.
xxx

Hi Pattidot, yes it is a difficult decision as each day I feel differently. As you say it’s having the strength to make the move and all the clearing out etc and extra work it would cause. But it might be worth it to be able to move forward into the unknown. I also think that I will feel it when the time is right. If I see a house and go to view it I am sure I will feel it when I walk in the door - a sign from my Mike perhaps. I am not looking forward to having to keep the garden up together when the spring comes. At least in the winter you don’t have that to do. Take care and I hope you find your new home soon if that’s what you decide to do.
xxxx

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i owe it to my Richard, my daughter, my grandson and now great grandson to come back home…My Richards ashes are now back home ( family crematorium ) where i need to be to come pay my respects, same as my parents cemetery, i need to tell them i am back home and should never have left, nor moved so far away in the first place, i certainly should have never taken my Richard so far away from the place, the house he was happy in…i dont belong here nor did Richard…i owed him this to get him back home where he belongs, and he is home…just not home as we once both knew it to be…

Jackie…

Jackie,
Have you had any interest in your property from anyone yet?
Will your daughter help you with the move when the time comes?
Cheryl x

Hi, Oh yes that clearing out. I know now why my husband wouldn’t move house. He was a hoarder but I never realised to what extent, he managed to keep it tidy and hidden. The room that was his domain and sacred was packed full of his painting equipment, musical instruments, photography, computer . It took me months to sort as well as the tears and how I cursed him for leaving it for me to sort out, then I went into the loft which I had never been into before and it was full to capacity as was his shed. So I think I’ve broken the back of most of it. I too am waiting for that sign. A house in the right position, amenities etc. As we get older we have to think of these things. I would like a house that needs complete re-decoration so that I can put my stamp on it. Make it my home as I do like the house I am in now but I am just not feeling right about being here now.
xxx

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Cheryl…
…this is a luxury residential parkhome where properties dont come on the market too regularly and when they do can take some time to sell…maybe come Easter or the Summer holidays when the tourists come visit…i certainly do not want another lonely and isolated Christmas stuck inside here…

Jackie…

Jackie,
It sounds beautiful. I’m sure someone will come along soon who suits the property, the lifestyle and the location.
These places are great when you have your health or have your partner.
My mum bought a quaint little 1 bed cottage in a rural village 13 years ago. It was all lovely but as her arthritis got worse the novelty of living somewhere with no weekend buses and no amenities in walking distance got too much. J was so relieved when she agreed to move in with me. I just wish she was with us for longer than she was x

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Do you have family nearby? I do but they have their own busy lives but didn’t seem that pleased when I said I might like to move nearer the sea. But we often talked about it when Mike was alive. I love walking on the beach with my dog and he loves meeting all the other dogs and have a mad chase. At least you soon make friends when you go out walking. I have a friend who moved to Charmouth last October and she loves it. Who knows what this year will bring. Sending hugs.

My family are about half an hour drive. My son is about the same distance but it seems I have got to go and visit him as he doesn’t come to me. I did think of moving closer to them but they are quite rural with a poor bus service and I live in an area with a good bus service (although I do drive but can’t be bothered most of the time) shops and services. I would love to live right out in the countryside but it’s just not practical as you get older. My husband had lived by the sea all his life and I must admit that I like it also. My dogs also like to mix on the Beach, have a good run around, it’s lovely to see. Yes, agree, who knows what this year will bring.
Love to you
Pat

Hello Pat,
Our daughter has been pestering me to sell up and buy a property near to where they live. I can’t bear the thought of moving, it would be leaving my Stan behind, I know it sounds daft but both of us were so thrilled when we moved into this bungalow. Besides the area in which our daughter and grandson live is much more expensive than here. I would love to see more of our great grandson, Jonty, but this is the down side. I have good doctors, many friends, a good Haematologist consultant and a decent hospital on the doorstep. I have a carer who is wonderful, she cleans for me too, I am really lucky in so many respects, I have asked a gardener if he will start gardening for me in the Spring, he is going to call me this evening, so I am well catered for. I can see our daughter’s point of view, but moving is not for me.

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Me and Richard did go walk, i say walk as we took my mobility scooter in the back of his car, which car has now gone back, was collected, taken back to Luton car plant where he once worked in management team before retiring 20 years ago…Even then with his breathing problem had difficulty in lifting it into the back of his car but we did go half way along the promenade - esplanade…then it was me looking for the loos for my usual MS bladder emptying’s…but it was very enjoyable while it lasted, the promenade - the sea view, not my several visits to the loos…

This is the problem, Jackie, when we have illness/medical conditions we have to take them everywhere we go.:hot_face:

Hi Mary. As we become older we have to think of the things that are convenient for us. I never wanted to live in this house when I married Brian, it was his house not mine, that’s how I felt but Brian couldn’t understand this and had no real sympathy for the way I felt, but I made it clear to Brian I would move immediately if anything happened to him. Well it did and I can now leave this place yet over a year on and I’m still here. I have a cosy Victorian house, a stones throw from a bus stop, although I do drive. Not far from the small town. or the seafront, when I go out people always stop and have a chat and I never realised how many people I know, not friends mind you, but faces that are familiar and friendly.
I bet Brian is having a good laugh at me now after my moaning about moving for thirty years.
Pat xxx

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Dear Pat,
Maybe it is too early for you to move, please do not move until you have some decent back-up. I would imagine that it is very intricate work and needs a lot of concentration. FUNERALS • Last Update 1st of January 2020

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Hello Pattidot
I haven’t been on this site for a long time but wondering how you are and if you have moved house. I did put my house the market but couldn’t find anywhere I wanted to buy and what with this covid I thought I would wait until things were more back to normal whenever that will be! I still feel the draw of the sea. I hope you are well and managing to survive in this strange world! Sending hugs. xx

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Lovely to hear from you again.
No I never moved as like you I couldn’t feel comfortable with anything else. Perhaps I am just clinging onto the familiar or is it that moving isn’t so appealing on your own. Does it matter where we live, something will always be missing !!! I’m not saying I will never move and some days I just want to get out of the house as there are so many memories that can upset me but equally there are memories that I hold dear.
Normal, when will that ever be… Down South things not too bad as yet.
Take care
Pat

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Our daughter, Jenny has begged me to move closer to where she lives in Ashbourne, Derbyshire, I could not do it. It would be leaving Stan behind, he died in this bungalow.

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@Poppypop When we moved into this house in March just after Dad died we talked about moving back nearer the sea. I live in Cornwall. The day after John died I knew I had to move to the village we lived near and had brought us to Cornwall 30 years ago. I have sold the house and I have made an offer on one in that very village. Just waiting for the legal work and plan to move in January. John died on 7 June this year in this house. We are all different. People told me‘You must wait 2 years before you move’ . They must have read that somewhere. :thinking: John is in my heart his ashes will be in the sea. I am actually looking forward to moving and looking at the sea we loved every day. Follow your heart and do what you want to do. :butterfly::broken_heart:

Hello Johnswife thanks so much for replying. I had sold my house but thought I would rent in Charmouth as I love it there but couldn’t find anything and then covid arrived. so I have taken my house off the market and going to hope the spring will be a better time to look. Do you have family nearby? My family are all close to me now so I would be moving away from them but about a 2 hours drive away. I do feel so much better being able to walk on the beach with my little dog. We have the canal and the river avon here but it’s not the same. Wishing you a stress free move to your village. Where is it? Let me know when you move in!

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