Hi. Ive been threw the sams thing i lost my mom a year ago seen her on the night spoke to her found her lifeless in her bed next morning tries cpr nothing worked and that was it one minute she was there next she was gone. The night i seen her i said she didnt look to well said i would get her to the doctors in thr morning turns out i should listened to my gut and got her to the hospital that night and now because i didnt listen to my gut shes no longer here and i will always blaim myself for not taking her that night and that i couldnt save her when i found her. Ive been having the same nightmare every night and everytime the same outcome. I miss her so much everyday is just so hard not having that guidance there anymorre either my kids were devastated i had to stay strong for them and sort all the funeral etc. Still to this day is been a year and i just dont kmow how to grieve or let myselt. In 16 years of my life ive spent grieving the majority of it. My brother commited suicide when i was 16 then my nan went then my granfad and now my mom i feel like everybody just lwalk out on me. My head this past year has been in sucj a dark place with toughts and grief and just everything else goin on. I found out my partner og 13 years was talking to men behind my back why i was dealing with the death of my mother one person i thought cared and was helping me threw it was just laughing at me the whole time behind my back. I just feel like my head is going to explode all the time my head feels like its screaming inside. If it wasent for havong my children i wouldnt of got threw any of it. I just want tk go back to myself happy and enjoying life fed up of being depressed and anxious every day of my life…i just dont know how to deal with this grief eating at me every day or best way to deal wiith it.
Hi Mike1990, I’m so very sorry to hear about the loss of your mum and what a horrible shock it must have been for you to find her. My heart really goes out to you and she was also so young, that must be extremely difficult for you to come to terms with.
Try not to blame yourself, you couldn’t possibly have known how ill your mum was and, if she didn’t tell you, she was probably trying to protect you, as mums do. I know it’s easy for someone else to say don’t blame yourself, but outsiders are able to see that you aren’t to blame as we are not emotionally involved in your situation. Your feelings of guilt are part of your grieving process, I have been through the same myself after I lost my mum at the end of March this year and have mentally tortured myself over it. I am told that it is natural to feel guilt whilst grieving.
I can see you’ve had lots of other past traumas in your life also, have you ever undergone any counselling to help you deal with any of it? Losing your brother when you were 16 must have been incredibly hard to deal with, I’m so sorry you had to go through that.
There are so many people on this site that will understand how you are feeling and we are all here to help and support each other the best we can. Please know that you are not alone, post any time, always here to listen x
Hi thanks for the reply.
Im just finding everything so hard atm with not having a dad around my mom was everything ive always had one oerson that saw the best in me always helped me out of darkplaces with her guidance. Ive lost all my family now ahd i feel so alone more then i have ever felt just miss her and my brother so much. Everyday day just seems so hard and such a hard challenge ive felt so umhappy and depressed for so many years ive forgot what it feels like to feel happy anymore. My partner has betrayed me so many times and tells so many lies all the time when i was dealing with my hardest year in my life she was pretending to be a loving caring partner when she was just going behind my back at the time. Im scared to leave incase she spites me and trys to stop me seeing my children cause there all i have left now. I just want to be the best person of myself for my children my oldest always asks why i seem so upset all the time etc. I have so many nightmares of that day finding my mom ive been doxtors asked for counciling etc they just want to chuck pills at me all the time and they dont help they just make it worse. When inwas younger my mom helped me threw the grief of my brother we helped each other she was never the same after that it destroyed she stop caring aboit her self i just wayched my mom slowly fade over the years and mo matter what i tried she wouldnt take the help i knew the day would come i thought i would prepared for if it did truth is i was never prepared and i lmow deep down when it did it was going to destroy me losing the women women that i knew loved and always cared for me no matter what and could always trust her. Im just a mess at the moment i put a front on for eberyone else and people say im strong but when night comes i spend most of the time crying lately just feel so weak i know i need to man up snd get muself togther but i just menrally feel so drained and just dont kmow how to get out the olace im in right now. Thanks for being there to speak to apprciaye it loads if i didnt get this out to someone i think id have a breakdown eventually
Mike1990 the first thing I want to say is you absolutely do not need to “man up” what you are experiencing is valid, very valid man or woman. You are also not alone. There are people out there who understand, who feel every emotion with you, all of us! Chat anytime, there will always be someone here 
whether it’s a year, a month or a day I don’t think there is a measured time to grieve, I will grieve my mum for the rest of my life.
I can relate to some of how you are feeling Mike1990, having lost both of my parents. I feel very alone now and as though I have lost all of my family. I was extremely close to my mum and dad, especially my mum who I lived with and we did everything together. I do have a brother, but he has his own family and he doesn’t seem to be affected in the same way I am.
I think you may benefit from some counselling, could you go back to the doctors and request some? Otherwise, maybe you could contact Cruse and ask if you could be placed on the waiting list? I know what you mean about doctors giving out antidepressants, I was given two different types after I lost my mum, but they made my anxiety much worse and I felt I was going mad. I gave up on them in the end as they weren’t for me, but that is just my experience and I know they can be very helpful to some people to get them through tough times. It is a personal choice and I may even try a different type at some point in the future.
You are entitled to be upset about your mum, of course you would be, we only get one mum and yours clearly meant the world to you. Don’t feel you have to ‘man up’, you are grieving so try to be kind to yourself and allow yourself to feel upset when you need to. I understand that you want to be strong for your children, but you have to let yourself grieve and process your loss too.
Keep posting on here and get your feelings out there, don’t bottle them up. There is always someone here to listen and understand how you are feeling x
@Mike1990 so sorry for the traumatic loss of your mum and the emotional distress you are also having to deal with at home while understandably struggling with grief.
I can relate to many aspects of what you are saying and I’m 5 months in from the sudden loss of my mum and I feel the hole in me all the time. I am mentally exhausted and I don’t think I’ve ever felt so tired these last 5 months. I put a brave face on for my family (luckily my children are grown up) and go to work and still work hard but there is definitely a loss of motivation in me, I force myself to participate at times but socialising is a no-no right now. I’m not the person I was and I hope that over time it will return. I know my Mum would not want me to suffer but it is a fact, after losing someone so pivotal to your life, we will.
I feel for your multiple losses and not having your brother must be so hard especially at this time.
I’m fairly new to this community but I find reading and posting is making me feel less alone so I hope it can help you a bit. All the best.
Apperciate it so much ive gone a good year now of bottling it up because none of my friends etc havent experianced it atm they have lost other siblings but i found this grief and loss a completly different thing to my brother but that may be i was young and o was alwaus busy working or out witj friends drinking alot. Were as now im a dad and other then work and gym most of my time is spent at home with my kids. They were also hurt and grieving i just found it hard to be there emontionally for them when i struggling to keep myself going at the same time. Just losing my mom has been the hardest thing ive had to face in 32 years of my life day she went i felt half of myself went too was a complete weird feeling to any other. My sister seems to have dealth witj it completly different seemed fine after a month thought it would bring us vloser but its made us drift away even worse. I just want to get back to myself cause its what my mom would want for me. Some days u just forgot and the littlest thing happens and its just like going back threw tje pain again of losing them simple song or memory. Ive beem an emotional mess and thats not me normally. I get no attention from my partner or emotional affection im just missing that kind of feeling or attention from a female seems weird but u cant get that from a male friend cause most of us males try hide that kind of side as friends. My kids have got me threw this year give me the motivstion to get up in the morning and keep going. Really do appreciate the convosatins its does help to un burden how ur feeling sometimees. I guess were all in this togther ent we x
Cheers pal appreciate it. Its does help to have people to talk to and express how ur feeling and not feel judged. I just want to get back to being myself fun out going guy. Need to get back into work now been 7 months of with sick note for ptsd and depressive disorder and anxiety. Just want to get some memories going with my kids holidays etc so when it is my time they have good memories to keep of fun times and a good childhood and tell there friends and children of the decent father i was. I never had that growing up mine was dead beat father all he ever did was abuse my mom treat her like crap and throw his money at every situation. Hopefully in time this grief starts to ease jjst got to figure out how i accept it and deal with it propely. I never grieved for my brother propely and i feel they have hit me at the same time as its the first time ive ever felt so vunerable and emptional all the time. Cheers for the chat tho do appreciate it lad
Yeah its definelty been the hardest time in my life trying to adjust to not having her around anymore and my children have really struggled to as she was always there for them takimg them out going for tea there most nights just so hard speaking about her to tnem without feeling an emotional mess and lump in my throat every time. Thank you for being there to speak to helps a alot if u ever need to talk here anytime x
We are definitively all in this together and everyone on here has suffered at least one huge loss in their lives and is trying to work their way through horrendous grief.
It is hard for your friends to understand if they’ve not been through the same thing. I have only realised recently how nobody seems to ‘get it’ unless they’ve suffered a similar loss themselves. That is why online communities like this are so helpful and offer comfort.
I often feel like a huge weight has been lifted off my shoulders just by getting my thoughts down in writing and, when others respond and share their own experiences, it offers me hope for the future that things might not always be so bad. I know there is no magic fix when we lose someone so important to us, but it feels like a good place to start.
Like you, my mum was always the one I turned to and she helped me so much when my dad passed away (they were long separated, but remained friends) and, now she’s gone, i never thought for one second I would be able to cope without her. I have recently been remembering how she helped me at the time and trying to apply the advice she gave me. I’m sure that is the same for you too, your mum helped you after you lost your brother and she would want you to also get through losing her.
We have to remember that the most important thing to our mums is that we are ok. I know it is much easier said than done, but we owe it to them to try our best x
Hi Lucy, I am so sorry for your loss. I, too, lost my wonderful, funny Mum, my best friend, my theatre buddy, my personal critique, my total lovely on 11 April 2023 following a diagnosis of stage 4 cancer just 3 weeks before she left us… she didn’t even know! So flipping unfair for her, for us.
I found the shock of it kinda struck me dumb…, quite literally. One moment I’ll be talking about something, the next I simply couldn’t remember words, let alone the topic. Like you, I cannot talk or even think about her without crying; I miss her so very much.
I keep busy, really busy so that I’m so tired I don’t lie awake thinking about her.
So, I can really empathise with you, but I guess we just need time because life goes on, despite how wretched you feel, the world doesn’t stop.
Hi Ali, thank you so much. I am very sorry to hear that you have lost your mum too, it is so unbelievably hard isn’t it. I also miss everything about my mum, especially her company. I feel your pain.
Gosh, that’s so similar to my mum. She was only diagnosed with pancreatic cancer less than 4 weeks before she passed. I think the shock is something that will never leave me. I was naive beforehand, thinking cancer would always be found a long time before someone got so poorly and that there would always be the opportunity to have treatment, even if it was only palliative, to give more time. How wrong I was and I have read countless other stories of late cancer diagnoses since.
I understand that other people lose loved ones even quicker, in accidents or after suffering medical emergencies like a cardiac arrest which is horrendous too, but I never expected to lose anyone so quickly to cancer.
I’m the same, can’t talk to anyone about my mum without tears streaming down my face and I still have lots of moments every single day when I am completely overcome with grief, but I also now do have times when I am able to concentrate on other things. I like your idea of keeping very busy and I also find that it does help to go to bed feeling extremely tired. I found the early weeks of lying awake all night unbearable, so I now try to exhaust myself too before attempting to sleep.
You’re right, the world keeps on spinning regardless so we haven’t got any choice but to carry on the best we can. Sending you love 
Hi all,
I lost my dear Mum 2 weeks ago. My little sister passed away a year ago and I think this was too much for my Mum to bear. She just got sicker and sicker. I’m now left with the devastation of my heartbroken Dad who cannot bear life without her after 53 years.
When my sister died, I struggled not being able to talk to her so I started a book. I write to my sister. Almost have conversations with her. Its helped. It gets it out of my head so I can sleep. Now though, I’m back to the beginning losing my Mum. We spoke every single day. There is nothing I didn’t talk to her about.
The personalised messages I receive from Sue Ryder since my sister passed have been a comfort. Lots of love to you all. Be kinder to yourself than ever before and how lucky we all were to have loved our Mums so much xxx
Hi Bigsister1, how terribly sad. I am so sorry for your and your dad’s losses. You have really both been through the mill recently.
I hadn’t thought about writing letters, that’s something I might try, thank you. I do always still talk to my mum, I find that helps me sometimes when I’m not coping.
You’re so right, we were lucky to have such strong bonds with our mums and what we’re going through now proves how much they meant to us.
Sending love love and strength x
I am so sorry to read about all these things you don’t need in the face of grief but maybe to process it all you should consider getting some professional advice and/or counselling. You’ve been through so much, you need someone to listen to you.
Hi All,
I lost my Mum in March 2023 and i don’t feel like I will ever get over it. I spoke to her at 11.30pm and she was absolutely fine and then my Dad called me at 3.30am saying she had collapsed. I got there and watched the paramedics working on her and that is all i have thought about every night since, i can’t get the image out of my head. The paramedics eventually got her heartbeat back and she was taken to hospital but she had been without oxygen for too long and she passed away with all of us around her. I feel like we should of had so much more time with her and i can’t even cope with the thought of the years to come without her, breaks my heart. My Dad is just broken, he says he should of saved her but he panicked so he feels tremendous guilt for that even though no one blames him, they were married for 56 years and he is just so sad without her.
I absolutely worshipped the ground my Mum walked on and she loved me more than anyone ever could, she used to text me numerous times a day and i’d text and facetime her and it’s just so hard when it’s all just ripped away from you. I have my children and my partner but nothing in my life feels the same, nothing in my life brings me joy anymore and nothing will ever be the same without her, miss her terribly. I know 4 months isnt a long time but i don’t feel like it’s easing any, i’m still crying at some point every day and i just feel an overwhelming sadness every day when i wake up. I just wish i had more time with her and that she wasnt taken away so quickly from us without any warning or signs.
My heart goes out to all of you who have lost your Mum, it’s the worse pain in the world as they have been our constant support since the day we were born. I loved my Mum beyond words, beyond measure and i’ll miss her every second of every day but i know she wouldnt want me to feel the way i do, which is why i am on this group reading everyone else’s comments so thank you all for sharing and helping xx
Big hugs. It is so difficult isn’t it. I feel exactly the same at 8 weeks. 
Hi trs4178,
I’m so sorry to hear about the loss of your mum, what an awful shock that must have been for you. It is the most gut wrenching feeling isn’t it to try to come to terms with not being able to see our mums again. I am still in total disbelief that it has actually happened and I also spend time every single day crying and torturing myself.
I also lost my mum in March and I am also 45, so I can relate to some of what you’re feeling. I’m so pleased you have a supportive family around you and, although they can’t make everything better for you, it is good to know that you have their love to try to help you through. Your poor dad is feeling guilty as part of his grief and, hopefully, in time he will realise that of course he isn’t to blame for what happened and he would have had no control over it.
I am also scared about the future without my mum, it just feels so overwhelming and difficult to comprehend at the moment. I have, however, found connecting with others on this site to be such a comfort in realising I’m not alone.
Sending you love and best wishes x
Hi Lucy7,
Thanks so much for your kind words, it’s comforting to know that others are experiencing how i’m feeling and i’m not on my own. It really is the worst feeling, our Mums have raised us and been there since day 1 and a world without them is too much to comprehend.
Love and best wishes back to you too xx