Hi hazd & Mousey how are you both this evening?
Hi Cookie,
I’ve had an emotional day so it’s been a struggle to be honest. I had a driving lesson today, I’ve had to start learning so I’m not depending on public transport when I go back to work hopefully. It will also benefit me in many other ways, if I pass my test of course.
I’m not very confident and am very nervous, but my instructor says I’m doing ok.
If my husband was here he would be giving me the confidence and self belief that I can do it, I miss that so much. So as today’s lesson wasn’t the best I’ve been pretty emotional since.
Hey, when i first returned to work i went back on a phased return. Which the doctor gave me a sick note for this basically to say what hours i could do. And i still got my sick pay on top of what i had earnt to top me back up to my normally income.
I hope this is helpful.
But just be honest with how you are feeling and what your worried about. Hopefully your doctor would be as understanding as mine was.
Take care 
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Hi @Mousey
Just wanted to reply firstly to say I completely understand as I am in a similar position in that I lost my mum and dad 3 weeks apart in July. I am still on sick and don’t feel able to return to work yet although I feel my manager is putting subtle pressure on me to go back. I visited the GP last week and saw a new doctor who wasn’t supportive but finally gave me another 4 weeks off and said ‘it is only grief you are experiencing, it’s very common’ 
. I too work for the NHS and have decided I am taking early retirement in January as I can’t bring myself to return to such a pressured environment, I haven’t told my manager yet which is another worry.
What you have experienced is huge, and only you know how you are feeling. I know all too well what the sickness policies are like and I’m so sorry it’s given you more unnecessary stress and worry. You take all the time you need and maybe find a colleague or union rep to attend with you to support you? Sending love xx
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Hi Chrissy,
Oh bless you, I’m so sorry that you lost both parents in such a short space of time.
I didn’t think a GP could refuse to give a sick note if you’re not ready to return to work?
Though if you can take early retirement I really wouldn’t blame you. It’s important to do what’s best for you.
I certainly won’t be going back to work until I know I’m ready to.
Take good care of yourself, I hope you have plenty of people and support around you.
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Thank you for replying @Mousey , and for your kind words. Yes Dad was diagnosed with leukaemia and died within 4 weeks, mum couldn’t live without him and stopped eating, you could say she died of a broken heart. There’s lots to be grateful for in that they didn’t suffer for long but it’s still hard. I’m also an appointee for my disabled brother who is in a care home so trying to cope with everything has been difficult. I feel terribly guilty for being off work although many friends have said I should stay off until I retire, I know I certainly don’t feel able to carry out my role at the moment.
Well done for taking the driving lessons, positive in so many ways, sending love x
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I can understand why your Mum felt that way. I lost a lot of weight after my husband passed away, my appetite went right down, as everything seemed pointless without him, and still does a lot of the time. My son made sure I was eating something though and I am still eating much less but more normally now.
Yeah I hope I can crack this driving thing at 58, it gives me something else to focus on and a sense of purpose, something to aim for. Without that I think I’d be in a much worse state to be honest. My driving instructor has the patience of a saint bless him. He’s got his work cut out with me that’s for sure!
I also feel guilty being off work, but I know the department will be fine and continue to run fine without me.
Take care lovely, sending love and hugs to you to. xx
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So sorry for you, hazd, two weeks, that’s a terribly short time I think we all go into denial when someone we love is given a diagnosis. We all think there will suddenly be a period of remission, even a cure. Or perhaps just a much longer time with them - the doctors are wrong and we will have our loved one with us for months more.
The loss of all the plans is yet another thing to grieve over and process All very hard.
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I was effectively looking after him for those final weeks - we managed to go out a couple of times but he became increasingly weak and tired …… we did enjoy those times and I hold them close in my heart. We took photos - those are also precious but they underline how fast the decline was …… not coping well at all today. Hugs to everyone
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@hazd Yes, I can totally understand you want to preserve memories. Amongst the scatty schemes I have is to go through my bank records to work out when we went on holiday, when we had that lovely meal, etc.There are also a handful of undeveloped films I am having developed. The first one at least gave her daughter pleasure, as it was mainly of her as a young child , which my partner must have taken in the early 90s.
I am sure, like me you would love to be transported back to an old holiday and relive it. Best wishes to you
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@Cookie1973 , No, I don’t have any close family left. My parents are long dead. I had a half-sister I never met , so I describe myself as an only child. And I have 4 estranged first cousins!
Hi Harry how are you doing today? That’s probably a stupid question isn’t it ?
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@Cookie1973 , no not a silly question at all. As, you would expect, up and down. I am working these few days and I tend to put on a mask, pretending to be happy and even acting as if I am. Forty odd years ago, when I wasn’t such a good actor, a particularly sensitive lady prised from me that my mum had died. I didn’t want to tell relative strangers at work.
How are you? I hope you are at least managing to distract yourself and be as content as possible.
I don’t know if you all are aware, we can post photos, so here’s a rather daft squirrel from my favourite local park!
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Beautiful pic Harry!
I am very familiar with masks! I have lost count of how many virtual strangers I have cried in front of so I do try to hide how I am feeling - but the emotions just hit uninvited. Have been visiting my friends in Ireland where I work which has been lovely but somehow it has emphasised the huge hole in my life …. I’ll post a sunny picture later! Take care everyone x
Hazel
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I will repeat a warning given by Sue Ryder, be careful what photos you share, as the site is pretty open , so anyone can access the photos I think. I can’t imagine anyone using the squirrel’s photo to make a false ID. I just thought it might be nice to share photos of favourite places, pets, etc. I wouldn’t share photos of yourselves or loved ones, fairly obviously.
Thank you hazd! I am in no way trying to trivialise the forum by suggesting we have pictures of pets or favourite places, I am merely trying to occasionally lighten the tone and remind us all of the memories and things we love.
Yes, masks are necessary, we can’t go around crying on the nearest stranger’s shoulder. There are some things which make me loss control, like talking about how she should have had a better life, I should have done more, etc. I had a business phone call , where I had to ask them to put the matter on hold. They said something very silly like " I don’t know what to say!" I got upset and annoyed at the same time. I haven’t heard from them since, but it was a very silly thing to say. You would think someone representing a business would be capable of dealing with a bereavement in a more seemly way, but there you are, they weren’t!